Paying for things on a date...


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Mystified101 is offline Mystified101 Post #1  July 17,2009, 10:48am
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Hi,
So what is the trend lately on who pays for what when going on dates? I've dated a man from EHarmony twice now. The first date he asked me to a very nice restaurant, we ate and had a drink. I offered if he wanted me to chip in and he asked me to leave the tip. So, I did. The second date was at a sports bar, we sat outside on the patio and had a couple drinks, and a burger (more casual), when it came time to pay the bill, he asked me to split it. I did, but is this the norm now? Do most people split everything? I used to date a few men in the past where they always picked up the tab unless I offered or asked them to go somewhere and I told them ahead of time I was paying (such as a concert that I wanted to go to and ordered the tickets on my charge card, things like that). What is everyone doing out there and was this pretty typical? Both dates he asked me and chose the place, does that make any difference or was he just being cheap? He owns his own business and does fairly well (I think, as far as I can tell from what he has told me).....
Thoughts out there????
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #2  July 17,2009, 10:53am

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hmm... i've never had an eharmony date offer to pay for anything
 
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PoliticalChick01 is offline PoliticalChick01 Post #3  July 17,2009, 11:04am
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I'm old fashion when it comes to first dates and I firmly believe that if a guy asks me out, he should pick up the tab.

Any offer from them asking me to split the tab on a first date or if he whips out a "Buy One Get One Free Coupon" on our first date (Yes folks, that has happened to me before), screams cheapskate to me and more than likely that will be my last date with them.

Only, and only time I bend my own rules is if I am out with a guy and he turns creepy or acts like I owe him something at the end (yes folks, this has happened to me also), then I will quick throw down some cash or firmly insists that I pay my own way as I don't want them to get the wrong idea and then leave.

Hence why it's always a good idea to meet your date out in public for a first date and never let them pick you up at your house.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  July 17,2009, 11:05am
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If I set up the date, I pay. After several dates with the same person, it's a nice gesture if she offers to pay or split the bill, but again, if I ask her out, I expect to pay.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  July 17,2009, 11:08am
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Mystified101 wrote :
Hi,
So what is the trend lately on who pays for what when going on dates? I've dated a man from EHarmony twice now. The first date he asked me to a very nice restaurant, we ate and had a drink. I offered if he wanted me to chip in and he asked me to leave the tip. So, I did. The second date was at a sports bar, we sat outside on the patio and had a couple drinks, and a burger (more casual), when it came time to pay the bill, he asked me to split it. I did, but is this the norm now? Do most people split everything? I used to date a few men in the past where they always picked up the tab unless I offered or asked them to go somewhere and I told them ahead of time I was paying (such as a concert that I wanted to go to and ordered the tickets on my charge card, things like that). What is everyone doing out there and was this pretty typical? Both dates he asked me and chose the place, does that make any difference or was he just being cheap? He owns his own business and does fairly well (I think, as far as I can tell from what he has told me).....
Thoughts out there????
I couldn't care less what the supposed "norm" is, I would NEVER chip in on a date. Even the tip. He asked you to pay half because you told him on the first date by offering to pay that you are nothing special.

I PROMISE you that both men and women will have a problem with my answer, but once you do that with a guy, that's it. I would never date him again because it will be difficult if not impossible to retract that impression.

Once you are dating regularly you can do a little (and I mean small) thoughtful gifty gift if you happen to see something that would put a smile on his face but I would only do this once. Definitely not make a habit of it.

If you commit you can do this more, if you marry and he is a powerful, important business man you can shower him with (non-clingy) affection and thoughtfulness and you will be his forever. There are really few types of guys you can be gifty with, but never ever pay. And it's NOT about the money.

Sorry for the little tangent, but this is so important ladies. Unless you want to be the masculine energy in a relationship, do not pay.
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #6  July 17,2009, 11:20am
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To the girls who expect the man to pay, would you be offended if he took you on cheap dates, or just decided to stay home and watch a movie with you? would you expect to be wined and dined?
Last edited by avinash; July 17,2009 at 11:24am.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  July 17,2009, 11:57am
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It's been an awful long time since I was on a date.

But I never paid the first date. I might offer, and if he said I could do the tip, that would not offend me. Nobody ever asked me to help pay the first date. Thank God!

After that, I would be uncomfortable actually splitting a check with him. But I would make certain to ask (and pay for) different kinds of dates (theatre, picnics, etc.) periodically. Also try to come up with unusual activities, glider flying... Something different.

And I never met a man who would turn down a good home cooked meal with a special bottle of wine!

I also would not be offended at cheap dates at home. Not so long as I liked the movie. And him, of course.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #8  July 17,2009, 12:05pm
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Generally, as a rule of thumb I think the following is reasonable. Whoever asks the other person out is consider the "host". The host is therefore entertaining his/her guest and it is the responsibility of the host to pay. This includes tip applied to the tab.

Further I would propose the following:

1. First date, guy generally asks gal out as an introduction to each other. Guy pays the tab. This first meeting should be something simple and short...a drink, a lite meal but no more than a 1 hour meetup.

2. If after the first date if guy is interested in gal and gal is agreeable then guy sets up a second date and guy picks up the tab.

3. If after the the second date if gal is still interested in guy and guy is agreeable then gal sets up a third date and gal picks up the tab.

Now, as far as some of the ladies who say "guy always picks up the tab" I would ask: well who is really being cheap? Come on ladies if you think this guy is worthy of a future together you are going to stick to your guns and demand he pay for everything? I would expect that ladies would want to be equals to their partners. If not then just say so and I'm sure we'd be happy to pick up the tab in that case. Just sayin'

p.s. If you aren't paying the tab then it isn't your business what kind of tip he/she leaves. When you pay the tab you can leave whatever tip you feel is appropriate.
 
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Zev is offline Zev Post #9  July 17,2009, 12:15pm
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When a man specifically asks me out, I would think he's the one paying, at least the first time. I generally don't have any qualms about going Dutch on subsequent meetings. It's a whole new century.

However, since the point of dating via eH is to meet people, not to get free dinner, I would find it cheap on MY part not to chip in a fair portion of the entertainment dollars, or at least offer to do so.
We're both taking a chance that the date will lead to something more, why should the male part of the equation get stuck with all the bills?
I work, I can pay for my expenses, I'm not for sale.

That said, most men are quick to reach for the check before I can get my purse open, bless their little hearts.
 
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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #10  July 17,2009, 1:46pm
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I don't think an Eharmony date is different from any other kind of date. I still expect the guy to pay on the first date, but I would come prepared to pay if I had to. I've had guys sometimes suggest a fancy place for the first date, but generally I like to keep things pretty casual for the first meeting. That way, I can still be treated nice, and my date shouldn't mind handling the tab. As far as activities on the first date go, if we do more than one other thing besides dinner, I would offer to help pay, and wouldn't mind doing so. Other than that situation, the only reason I would offer to pay for anything on a first date with someone would be if I no longer had any interest in them, and knew I wouldn't be going on another date. I feel like I'm being kind of fair that way, and hopefully sends a message of "hey, let's just be friends and not date".
 
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