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Chiara Chiara is offline
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Chiara Modern, Mature, Intellectual Catholic Woman

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I've read every post. No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. NOT because the woman is cheap or a gold-digger. The man is and will always be the head of the family and as that should provide for the woman, and family in future times. A woman should allow this and with deep gratitude. It is the way God intended. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, in every way being considerate is exactly how a man should be. You will see that a REAL woman will respond generously, maybe not in paying for dinner, etc. but she will steal your heart and mind. A REAL man knows all these things and is quite confident in his time of dating. I dismiss men who cannot be REAL men of valor. I expect men to do the same with women who are not ladies. What has happened to normal etiquette? I find many people's manners disgusting and not worth my time. I always give plenty of lee-way for the real person to appear when I go out on a date. That's why I email, chat and phone my prospective match way before meeting them. Most of the men on eHarmony are sloths! Rarely do I see men who are timely with their communications. It is just plain manners!!! Sorry for the tirade. I am not normally like this. To anyone else, if you wish to pay, not pay, 50-50, whatever, that's your business. I shall continue with mine and know I will find the right man. I am not worried because God is on my side. He wants happiness for all His children.
- July 31st, 2009, 03:59 am
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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Chiara wrote :
I've read every post. No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. NOT because the woman is cheap or a gold-digger. The man is and will always be the head of the family and as that should provide for the woman, and family in future times. A woman should allow this and with deep gratitude. It is the way God intended. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, in every way being considerate is exactly how a man should be. You will see that a REAL woman will respond generously, maybe not in paying for dinner, etc. but she will steal your heart and mind. A REAL man knows all these things and is quite confident in his time of dating. I dismiss men who cannot be REAL men of valor. I expect men to do the same with women who are not ladies. What has happened to normal etiquette? I find many people's manners disgusting and not worth my time. I always give plenty of lee-way for the real person to appear when I go out on a date. That's why I email, chat and phone my prospective match way before meeting them. Most of the men on eHarmony are sloths! Rarely do I see men who are timely with their communications. It is just plain manners!!! Sorry for the tirade. I am not normally like this. To anyone else, if you wish to pay, not pay, 50-50, whatever, that's your business. I shall continue with mine and know I will find the right man. I am not worried because God is on my side. He wants happiness for all His children.
I suspect that your viewpoint that a man should pay all the time for everything will make it difficult for you to find someone.

Having the man be the head of the family doesn't mean that the woman can't contribute to the cost of a date once every five or six dates. One does not equal the other. And guys like it when women show their appreciation by treating every once in a while, as evident by the responses in this thread. It also shows that they're interested in him, which is important for a man to know.

But I wish you the best of luck in finding someone who meets your criteria.
- July 31st, 2009, 05:35 am
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Chiara wrote :
I've read every post. No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. NOT because the woman is cheap or a gold-digger. The man is and will always be the head of the family and as that should provide for the woman, and family in future times. A woman should allow this and with deep gratitude. It is the way God intended. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, in every way being considerate is exactly how a man should be. You will see that a REAL woman will respond generously, maybe not in paying for dinner, etc. but she will steal your heart and mind. A REAL man knows all these things and is quite confident in his time of dating. I dismiss men who cannot be REAL men of valor. I expect men to do the same with women who are not ladies. What has happened to normal etiquette? I find many people's manners disgusting and not worth my time. I always give plenty of lee-way for the real person to appear when I go out on a date. That's why I email, chat and phone my prospective match way before meeting them. Most of the men on eHarmony are sloths! Rarely do I see men who are timely with their communications. It is just plain manners!!! Sorry for the tirade. I am not normally like this. To anyone else, if you wish to pay, not pay, 50-50, whatever, that's your business. I shall continue with mine and know I will find the right man. I am not worried because God is on my side. He wants happiness for all His children.
Good luck with your search.
- July 31st, 2009, 05:54 am
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Chiara wrote :
I've read every post. No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. NOT because the woman is cheap or a gold-digger. The man is and will always be the head of the family and as that should provide for the woman, and family in future times. A woman should allow this and with deep gratitude. It is the way God intended. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, in every way being considerate is exactly how a man should be. You will see that a REAL woman will respond generously, maybe not in paying for dinner, etc. but she will steal your heart and mind. A REAL man knows all these things and is quite confident in his time of dating. I dismiss men who cannot be REAL men of valor. I expect men to do the same with women who are not ladies. What has happened to normal etiquette? I find many people's manners disgusting and not worth my time. I always give plenty of lee-way for the real person to appear when I go out on a date. That's why I email, chat and phone my prospective match way before meeting them. Most of the men on eHarmony are sloths! Rarely do I see men who are timely with their communications. It is just plain manners!!! Sorry for the tirade. I am not normally like this. To anyone else, if you wish to pay, not pay, 50-50, whatever, that's your business. I shall continue with mine and know I will find the right man. I am not worried because God is on my side. He wants happiness for all His children.
Paying for everything has nothing to do with valor, etiquette, or courtesy. It has everything to do with societal norms. Back when a woman's only duty was to tend house, nurture the children, and churn the butter, it made perfect sense that the man had to take care of keeping a roof over their head, clothes on their back, etc. That is why that "rule" was implemented. Nothing else.

A man should certainly demonstrate the other acts of chivalry you mentioned, but we have come a long way from Little House on the Prairie. You are certainly titled to your beliefs and preferences, but I believe you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Also keep in mind that just because a man is paying for everything doesn't necessarily mean he's the right man for you. Most men do this because they were raised that way, but they can still be awful people who disrespect women.
- July 31st, 2009, 06:54 am
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Chiara wrote :
I've read every post. No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. NOT because the woman is cheap or a gold-digger. The man is and will always be the head of the family and as that should provide for the woman, and family in future times. A woman should allow this and with deep gratitude. It is the way God intended. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, in every way being considerate is exactly how a man should be. You will see that a REAL woman will respond generously, maybe not in paying for dinner, etc. but she will steal your heart and mind. A REAL man knows all these things and is quite confident in his time of dating. I dismiss men who cannot be REAL men of valor. I expect men to do the same with women who are not ladies. What has happened to normal etiquette? I find many people's manners disgusting and not worth my time. I always give plenty of lee-way for the real person to appear when I go out on a date. That's why I email, chat and phone my prospective match way before meeting them. Most of the men on eHarmony are sloths! Rarely do I see men who are timely with their communications. It is just plain manners!!! Sorry for the tirade. I am not normally like this. To anyone else, if you wish to pay, not pay, 50-50, whatever, that's your business. I shall continue with mine and know I will find the right man. I am not worried because God is on my side. He wants happiness for all His children.
Forgive me if I sound bitter...

I did this on my first go around. I paid for everything from the wedding / honeymoon / house / cars / both of her college degrees... I was rewarded with a nasty divorse and loss of all the above. That being said...

Will I pay for all the dates? Yes.. I always have its the way I was raised (old school)..

Will I go into another long term relationship where all financial responsibilities are on my shoulders? NOPE I want a 50/50 partnership from a long term relationship where our goals are the same!! If I wanted dependents I would have had children.

CW
- July 31st, 2009, 08:57 am
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AustinShaguar AustinShaguar is offline
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Chiara wrote :
I've read every post. No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. NOT because the woman is cheap or a gold-digger. The man is and will always be the head of the family and as that should provide for the woman, and family in future times. A woman should allow this and with deep gratitude. It is the way God intended. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, in every way being considerate is exactly how a man should be. You will see that a REAL woman will respond generously, maybe not in paying for dinner, etc. but she will steal your heart and mind. A REAL man knows all these things and is quite confident in his time of dating. I dismiss men who cannot be REAL men of valor. I expect men to do the same with women who are not ladies. What has happened to normal etiquette? I find many people's manners disgusting and not worth my time. I always give plenty of lee-way for the real person to appear when I go out on a date. That's why I email, chat and phone my prospective match way before meeting them. Most of the men on eHarmony are sloths! Rarely do I see men who are timely with their communications. It is just plain manners!!! Sorry for the tirade. I am not normally like this. To anyone else, if you wish to pay, not pay, 50-50, whatever, that's your business. I shall continue with mine and know I will find the right man. I am not worried because God is on my side. He wants happiness for all His children.
See what I have highlighted from your post? That is exactly the reason why a lot of guys frown upon your attitude. First she will steal my heart, then my mind, then my wallet. Good luck finding a REAL MAN....LOL!
- July 31st, 2009, 10:15 am
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This is an interesting topic. I've had bf's without much money and one who refuse to "play the game" of dating and paying. He still loved me but he wasn't into wining a dining a woman at all.

I now have a man who feels it's "natural" to pay. He makes much more and he just wants to do it. The few times I've offered he says "no, it's a date".

I understand that everyone is different and men go thru hard times and often have less money than women. However, if the man is the masculine energy and wants the woman to trust him and open up both sexually and emotionally, paying is the right thing to do. It's not about getting something for free (although there are gold diggers out there) it's about feeling cherished.
If a man refuses to pay and everything is even steven, I am definitely turned off because it doesn't feel like he cherishes me. He won't take the masculine role.

By the way, I do give back to my bf in many ways. I sometimes do his dishes, make him dinner and buy tickets to things I really like to do (like plays). It's only fair you give something back, at least energetically so that even if it's not equal financially, it's more equal in other ways.

There were great things about the tight guy I went out with but I am SO GLAD I am with a man who is NOT TIGHT.. I so appreciate that about him. I feel lucky
- July 31st, 2009, 02:16 pm
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I want to add something to this discussion. I think masculine men who have the $$$ (no put downs for less masculine men!) really do have an inner desire to pay and give. BUT, with a couple of caveats: they know the woman likes them for them and not for the gifts they give them and if the woman gives back in other ways (love, affection, attention, admiration, great sex, cooking, etc).
It's too bad men are so afraid of giving in this day and age and much of the blame falls on women who have taken advantage of them. It's a pity.
- July 31st, 2009, 02:28 pm
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Chiara wrote :
No matter what anyone else thinks, the man should pay for everything. It is the way God intended.

My government and employers didn't get the message. Please ask God to resend.
- July 31st, 2009, 02:39 pm
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HappyandLight wrote :
I want to add something to this discussion. I think masculine men who have the $$$ (no put downs for less masculine men!) really do have an inner desire to pay and give. BUT, with a couple of caveats: they know the woman likes them for them and not for the gifts they give them and if the woman gives back in other ways (love, affection, attention, admiration, great sex, cooking, etc).
It's too bad men are so afraid of giving in this day and age and much of the blame falls on women who have taken advantage of them. It's a pity.
As I've said before, many men pay because that's what they're taught, not because they think you're that special. Men are not afraid to give; many have just been in situation where they received nothing in return. I would wager that 90% of the men that women complain about from their previous dating experiences paid for all or most of those dates. So their willingness to pay means little in the big scheme of things. You still though he was a jerk.

Reciprocation just doesn't occur often enough for many men to believe they will get a "return" on their investment. Women see a man's willingness to pay figuratively as showing interest. Likewise, a woman's willingness to treat the man every once in a while figuratively shows mutual interest. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation.
- July 31st, 2009, 03:41 pm
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