Being friends with your ex


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uchuskies87 is offline uchuskies87 Post #21  October 28,2009, 8:27am
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KungFuFtr wrote :
There is nothing wrong with being friends with an Ex after the both of you have gone through the rejection phase. If the breakup is fresh it's unfair to the both of you to continue seeing each other as if everything is cool. Spend several months/years apart and get over the breakup. After the both of you have moved on; then, perhaps do the friends routine. Perhaps you both can show your friendship by keeping your distance.
I like this advice. My ex and I were together for a little over 3 years when we broke up. She's my best friend and vice versa, and I definitely want her in my life, but need my space for now. Hopefully this changes someday and we'll stay friends.
 
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calamitysammyjo is offline calamitysammyjo Post #22  October 28,2009, 9:58am
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
I am in touch (via Facebook) with all of my serious relationship ex's except one. I am very good friends with my most recent ex-boyfriend and still close with his entire family as well.

I don't think it's weird at all.

The only exception for me is one relationship which didn't end well, and I felt that he didn't do right by me during the relationship. I have no desire to be friends with him and he does not seem to mind that. And I do not mind that he does not mind!

In my view, unless it's a bad situation, romantic love doesn't go away, it just changes into friendship. I still care for my ex's and am grateful for the good times we shared.

However I am told I'm weird in that regard, so....
Ditto. I am the same way, and get told I am weird also! Nice to know I'm not the only odd one! lol
 
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lululu is offline lululu Post #23  October 28,2009, 11:47am
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It really depends on how things ended.

I have one ex that I don't want to be friends with, because he broke my heart and I really don't want to see him with another woman. I just don't. This is the man who I thought I would spend my life with, who made me rethink the possibility of soulmates. I do want him to be happy; I just don't want to see it.

I have another ex who is one of my closest friends. We hang out when I am in town, flirt a little, tell each other the story of our lives. I am happy to have him in my life as a friend, and honestly we probably should have been that all along, because the relationship itself was always kind of bumpy.

I would say that you need to follow your gut. If it feels good to spend time with him, do it. If it doesn't, don't. A year from now you may feel totally differently.
 
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uchuskies87 is offline uchuskies87 Post #24  October 28,2009, 2:02pm
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lululu wrote :
It really depends on how things ended.

I have one ex that I don't want to be friends with, because he broke my heart and I really don't want to see him with another woman. I just don't. This is the man who I thought I would spend my life with, who made me rethink the possibility of soulmates. I do want him to be happy; I just don't want to see it.

Yeah, this is reason I'd rather not be friends with my ex right now. I thought I was going to marry the girl, but it didn't quite work out. I'll move on, and so will she and I hope she's happy, but I don't want to see it either, at least not now.
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #25  October 29,2009, 4:12pm
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I think it depends on how the relationship ended. Everyone is different when it comes to this. I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #26  October 29,2009, 11:17pm
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Most of my female friends were friends to begin with and there was no hope of possibility of romance.

My recent ex-gf is the only exception where after 6 months we became friends. But we are just "Facebook friends" as she lives far away and we will rarely if ever see eachother again. We had been dating for 2 years so we wanted to salvage something out of it.

But honestly if she was still living near me I am not sure if friendship would work out. I was the one who ended it but she still liked me. Its easier and safer since she lives far away and has a new bf.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #27  October 29,2009, 11:21pm
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If I sense shill is still a good, nice person but things between us just didn't work out, then I think its easier to be friends.

But if her character was flawed or if she treated me bad, no way Jose! I learn and move on.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #28  October 29,2009, 11:30pm
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But I admit it has been a bit taxing being friends with my recent ex. She was all take and no give, always got into crises and trouble, and still does. And she also has a meth addiction problem it turns out.

But despite her problems she does have a good heart. Its just the drugs have altered her mind and behavior, and she has had some bad luck with trouble finding her.

But I absolutely would never date her again. And sometimes I feel like I am using her because I know she still has feelings for me, and if she ever decided to move back close to me, I would avoid her.

So being friends with an ex can be a dicey situation.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #29  October 31,2009, 10:34am
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To my mind the only reason not to be friends with an ex is if they did something deserving the status of enemy.

Otherwise, if they were a good person before the romantic relationship, and a good person after it, why wouldn't you continue to value a platonic friendship?

In the case where one is wanting a relationship but the other doesn't ... this is to my mind is wishful fantasy thinking -- and your own problem to deal with. You may need a cooling off period to get your head on straight and accept that a romantic relationship is only the best outcome if both want it. If you can accept that a platonic friendship is the best outcome bc that is what the other person wanted, it is much easier to deal with the ending of things and maintain a valued friend.
Last edited by nightling; October 31,2009 at 10:37am. Reason: too many typos
 
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