Ever tempted to call out a poofer?


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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #1  July 17,2009, 5:53am
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First, let me put this disclaimer: In this post, I'm defining "poofer" as someone you have met in person -- not just talked via phone or e-mail.

Ok, I know that when someone poofs it means they just weren't that into you. And that the mature and proper response is to just move on and forget about them, because they're obviously not worth your time or effort.

But we also know that people "poof" because they feel it's easiest and they know they can get away it with a little to no uncomfortable or awkward moments.

Maybe this is immature of me -- but aren't you ever tempted to call them out on it? I don't mean stalking or threatening them or anything like that. For example, went on a first date with a guy -- I thought it went pretty well, but I honestly wasn't sure if he was interested in a 2nd. But he made a point of telling me and even texting later that he'd really like to do it again. And like the tale as old as time -- no call or contact from him. I did try contacting him once but no response.

Sometimes you just want to say to these people, "Obviously, you're not interested. You know, you could have just told me that -- you wouldn't have broken my heart and I wouldn't have flipped out. Just something to keep in mind in the future -- best of luck."

Has anyone called out a poofer before? Or, has anyone poofed and been called out? Just curious. (Not really debating the merits of doing so -- as I know it's probably not a good idea.)
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #2  July 17,2009, 6:43am
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No, I have never been tempted to do this.

I know you'd like the courtesy of being informed that you are not the one. The problem is that most people just can't accept the "your services will no longer be needed" statement. Because then you're going to want to know why. The dumper really doesn't want to spend the next hour explaining to the dumpee the reason.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #3  July 17,2009, 6:51am
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If they poof, they're obviously not the right one for you, so why bother wasting any more energy on them?
 
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EHScreenName is offline EHScreenName Post #4  July 17,2009, 7:04am
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Sorry to hear that this has happened to you.

This was discussed in another thread recently, and the OP told the poofer something along the lines of 'it's fine if you're not interested but I wish you would have had the courtesy to tell me directly'.

I've done this before in egregious cases and the poofer typically apologizes.

Since it seems to be such a common complaint and taints the dating process for all of us, I wish everyone who agrees would use this response on poofers. Perhaps over time, we could change the idea that this is acceptable behavior. There will always be some men and women who think it's ok to poof after a point when notification is appropriate (which is what I'm referring to, not after a date or two), but at least we can try to improve the dating process!
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #5  July 17,2009, 7:17am
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AustinShaguar wrote :
No, I have never been tempted to do this.

I know you'd like the courtesy of being informed that you are not the one. The problem is that most people just can't accept the "your services will no longer be needed" statement. Because then you're going to want to know why. The dumper really doesn't want to spend the next hour explaining to the dumpee the reason.
I agree that maybe "some" people may want to know why -- but I'm not sure I would say most. I know firsthand that I have had people ask about the reason -- and as annoying as that was -- I still don't regret the decision to be upfront, as I know I did the right thing.

It's a shame that a few crazies ruin it for everyone.

I'm not even saying you need to be so direct as saying you're not interested. But why waste your breath mentioning a 2nd date if you have no intention of going on one ... just say "Thanks for meeting me -- have a nice evening."
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  July 17,2009, 7:30am
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Nearly all my matches eventually poof somewhere along the way. I have only had one or two that ever said any sort of "goodbye"

I have never been tempted to "call" them out on their poofing. When I have not had a response from them for a while I will send another polite message to see if they respond then I close them with the reason they did not respond to my communication.

My attitude is that "calling" them out would serve no purpose and figure that they just don't know what they have missed out on. I just go NEXT.
 
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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #7  July 17,2009, 2:02pm
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This has also happened to me recently, and I also felt kind of tempted to call them out on it, because I'm just an upfront kind of person. We had great chats, had a good date, and afterwards both said we had a good time. We communicated a couple of times after that, and then a couple of days later he just stopped responding. It's annoying and rude. I would appreciate the courtesy of "I'm no longer interested. Thanks."
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  July 17,2009, 2:11pm
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Actions speak louder than words, and most people dread telling someone, "hey, you're not my type" or" I met someone better". If they don't call or call back, acept it and keep going
coffeegeek wrote :
If they poof, they're obviously not the right one for you, so why bother wasting any more energy on them?
 
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PoliticalChick01 is offline PoliticalChick01 Post #9  July 17,2009, 2:36pm
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For those of you that saw my recent post the other day about my amazing first date with Mr. Cop and then nothing -- this has to be the first time I've ever been tempted to call out someone as I never experienced a "poof" before in my life.

But being the classy lady that I am, I'm going to refrain from making any further contact with him as like "Coffeegeek" mentioned below, "why bother wasting any more energy on them." He has my contact information and knows how to get a hold of me if he really wants to.

Though I got his message loud and clear, how hard would it have been for him to take the cowards way out with a text of "thanks but no thanks" or "this isn't working out for me" or "I'll be busy at the gym everyday for the next year" or someother lame excuse?

Seriously we are all grown-up and I think everyone has forgotten about the Golden Rule as to treat others as you would want to be treated.

coffeegeek wrote :
If they poof, they're obviously not the right one for you, so why bother wasting any more energy on them?
 
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chrlesmd is offline chrlesmd Post #10  July 17,2009, 5:48pm
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I could totally understand several dates or a relationship. But if you only have a date or two, why does someone need to provide an explanation or some sort of closure? They're only dates, right? I can understand people may feel a certain chemistry with someone and feel like the stars are aligning etc...but in the end, it's just a date.
 
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