The New Rules of Dating: 4 Ways Dating Has Changed in the Last Five Years


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us4231 is offline us4231 Post #1  July 16,2009, 6:37pm
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If this is what it takes to meet someone, being fake and not your self then it is better off to be alone. I wantto meet someone who is genuine. Not someone that says "oh, by the way. I'm dating multiple people"  in the hopes thatthis will impress or motivate her. Poor  advise. Be genuine, never lie about who you are an what you are looking for and you'll be  much better off. Even if it's by yourself.
 
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ChipsandSalsa1 is offline ChipsandSalsa1 Post #2  July 22,2009, 5:28pm
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I agree that all the buttons and frills look appealing to the opposite sex but if you are just yourself, you don't have to waste your time dealing with superficial people. Honesty up front is important. Lies are never a good way to start your potential relationship. It's a an unstable foundation. Why not be yourself to meet your true soul mate?Also people should get through their divorce first before getting back out there. Give yourself a chance to get your head together before deciding to make another important decision that not only effects you but your childrens lives
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  July 22,2009, 8:59pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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us4231....I'm with you (I think). My mottos is "I'd rather have someone not like me for who I am....than to like me for who I'm not."
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  July 22,2009, 9:24pm
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jayjay wrote :
us4231....I'm with you (I think). My mottos is "I'd rather have someone not like me for who I am....than to like me for who I'm not."
Great motto, jayjay!

us4231, I completely agree with you. If this is what dating truly has become, then I'll remain happily single, thank you very much. However, I really don't believe this is what dating has become for everyone, despite what the article might have us believe. I have to believe there are genuine, honest people with integrity out there, and those of us who are looking for something other than serial daters aren't the freaks in the equation.
 
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inn is offline inn Post #5  July 22,2009, 9:25pm
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Great Post!
I've been thinking about this A LOT lately. I think the article is pretty sad .... is this what dating has come to??
Last edited by inn; July 23,2009 at 10:01pm.
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #6  July 23,2009, 2:40am
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I am confused! I agree with you all but I didn't get ANY of these from the article.

I just re-read it and I see it said
"By analyzing the results (i.e. your date’s reaction), you can tweak your behavior, minimize what doesn’t work (being too talkative, texting her too much between dates, etc.) and amplify what does (keeping her interest by being moderately available, letting her know you’re dating multiple people, etc.)."

It just says you should do what keeps working and forget what is not. I really doubt "I'm dating multiple people" will work, (I am also a bit upset that it refers a man saying this to a woman!!).

What I do agree on is that people SHOULD go out there and date, you cannot wait in the sidelines for Mr./Ms. Perfect and then go out. By going out you get to know yourself. "Practicing" is not being phoney, is just that!! You don't go and wait for the perfect marathon without training? You need to go and train/exercise, doesn't mean that in the meantime you cannot fall for 5Ks instead of the big races because you enjoy more the atmosphere and really don't have the time and $$$ to put towards the big races.

I think people get all hung up on not being themselves on a date, but it takes a lot of dating and reflection and bad/good dates and bad/good relationships to learn about yourself and be who you are. This attitude of liking me or the highway has to stop, relationships are work and nobody is perfect for nobody, we all have to work HARD to be happy, it is not going to happen by just sitting there. So go OUT THERE and MEET PEOPLE, peeps!!!

Peace,
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  July 23,2009, 5:13am
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LavenderFields wrote :
I am confused! I agree with you all but I didn't get ANY of these from the article.

I just re-read it and I see it said
"By analyzing the results (i.e. your date’s reaction), you can tweak your behavior, minimize what doesn’t work (being too talkative, texting her too much between dates, etc.) and amplify what does (keeping her interest by being moderately available, letting her know you’re dating multiple people, etc.)."

It just says you should do what keeps working and forget what is not. I really doubt "I'm dating multiple people" will work, (I am also a bit upset that it refers a man saying this to a woman!!).

What I do agree on is that people SHOULD go out there and date, you cannot wait in the sidelines for Mr./Ms. Perfect and then go out. By going out you get to know yourself. "Practicing" is not being phoney, is just that!! You don't go and wait for the perfect marathon without training? You need to go and train/exercise, doesn't mean that in the meantime you cannot fall for 5Ks instead of the big races because you enjoy more the atmosphere and really don't have the time and $$$ to put towards the big races.

I think people get all hung up on not being themselves on a date, but it takes a lot of dating and reflection and bad/good dates and bad/good relationships to learn about yourself and be who you are. This attitude of liking me or the highway has to stop, relationships are work and nobody is perfect for nobody, we all have to work HARD to be happy, it is not going to happen by just sitting there. So go OUT THERE and MEET PEOPLE, peeps!!!

Peace,
Lav
Hear! Hear!

Ditto, I did not read anything in the article that would suggest being fake. Also, if you don't get out and date, your one and only will not magically fall into your lap. Like it or not, dating does have its etiquete and it is a competitive mating dance with rules. Since nobody is born knowing those rules, it's a good idea to learn them and has nothing to do with not being yourself. Life is dynamic and personal growth is important.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  July 23,2009, 6:00am
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I agree with Lav and Dancing. I see nothing in the article about eing fake.

There are a couple of truths in the article though they aren't actually new concepts.
1. Dating and finding "the one" has always been a numbers game. The only thing that has changed is that internet dating sites have made it easier to up the numbers thereby increasing the odds that you may find "the one".
2. Dating multiple people has always been there, even well before the age of the internet. It should be assumed that your match is dating more than one person until you have both discussed and agreed that you both want to be in an exclusive relationship.

There is nothing fake about any of this.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  July 23,2009, 6:52am
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This is how we have devolved into a superficial, use once throw away culture. The little or no investment plan sounds good for players,in fact, straight out of "The Game". This article has made dating into a sport, with a game plan, post game review,etc. A person here becomes a football, not a someone you are connecting to. Investing in multiple low-yeild (low investment) things is a stratagy, about as good as thinking numerous penny stocks will make you rich. Yes, you will have dates all the time, but you will not have quality people whom you have made some worthwhile investment in, who will bring you a return on that investment.. Junk bonds, anyone?
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Five years ago, online dating made it possible to have a date almost every weekend. That’s not good enough anymore. Today, the savviest singles know that dating is a numbers game. Instead of putting all your emotional eggs in one basket, it’s time to start multi-dating. Sound daunting? It’s not. Plus, the benefits of multi-dating are well documented. Your expectations are tempered because you’re free from the pressure of making this one date WORK. There’s comfort in knowing that if one gal gets away, another will take her place. And you get to put your flirting and dating skills to the test on a consistent basis. By analyzing the results (i.e. your date’s reaction), you can tweak your behavior, minimize what doesn’t work (being too talkative, texting her too much between dates, etc.) and amplify what does (keeping her interest by being moderately available, letting her know you’re dating multiple people, etc.).
 
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zal is offline zal Post #10  July 23,2009, 9:47am
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Ok, I'm confused. "The New Rules Of Dating"? What's new?
The article is neither enlightening or informative. The process has been the same forever. Initially marriages were arranged based on economics and class. Then came the formal courting years when suitors would visit their would be wife and try gaining her favor. They were competing with other men to win over the bride (and her family). Before long we hand the single bar scene, meeting at gyms, etc. Now we have online dating. All that's changed is the method of meeting people.

There seems to be a lot of confusion and misunderstanding over the difference between lying (or "gaming") and presenting your best self (sometimes referred to as "peacocking"). "Being yourself" is generally bad advice because humans are complex creatures with many facets. Most of us probably behave very differently in our work environment than we do in our personal lives. A mother acts differently around her children that does around other adults. We act differently around our same-sex friends than we do around our romantic interests. So when told "be yourself", which "self" should you be? Telling crude jokes may put your friends in stiches, but spell death on a first date. So are you being yoursef when you choose not to tell crude jokes or are you being deceptive? Obviously this is only one example.

Like it or not the silly rules exist. They always have. They always will.
 
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