Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 Last »
 
LinkBack (2) Thread Tools
gtp gtp is offline
gtp's Avatar

gtp "An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards"

Quick Study

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 95

See profile

I know exactly what you mean. I'm currently most definitely stuck in the friend's zone with one of my guy friends whom I'd like to be more, so it's definitely not something that happens only to one particular gender.

And yes, as sad as it is, size does matter, and I see it from both sides of the coin. On one hand, I work out 5 nights a week so I want to be with someone who also (as others have said) has similar priorities and interests - including exercise. But that said, my body isn't perfect and so I feel like my weight counts against me in that particular group b/c most of the people I know (like my friend) who work out as much as I do and share the same activities are in better shape than I am. Sadly eating habits can sabotage all of the best workout practices in the world.

Anyway my point is that size of course does matter, but I think what matters the most is finding similar philosophies and interests. Sadly, I don't have much to tell you about the friend zone as I prefer to date people I know first as friends so I often get relegated to that unfortunate circle myself. Good luck sorting it out, and hopefully you'll find a woman who appreciates you for yourself.

If nothing else, take comfort in the fact that (whether it seems like it or not) women - myself very much included - are far more willing to forgive a less than perfect body than most men seem to be.
Last edited by gtp; July 16th, 2009 at 06:05 pm.
- July 16th, 2009, 06:03 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
DIVINE_DESIGNS7 DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is offline
DIVINE_DESIGNS7's Avatar

DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is happy.

Newbie

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 31

See profile

bigfincat wrote :
I really don't buy the hard-wired based on reproduction. If that were the case then we'd all like the same thing. We tend to be attracted to things that are in our frame of reference. Such as a theatre actor being attracted to a respected fellow theatre actor. An english major being attracted to a brilliant writer. I don't see the female in this situation thinking that our children would be excellent actors or writers. They respect the ability & are attracted to that ability. Those men may also have lesser appealing physical attributes.

What we learn throughout our lives is not hard-wired. That suggests that we are born with it.

Big b00bs can turn me off while I know that the eyes of many guys can light up when seing them...even if they are fake. I know that you are speaking from the female perspective more than the male. But from the male view, I know plenty of b00b guys that like a little meat on a woman's bones while I also know a large amount of men that like women that weigh 100 pounds & could care less if they have an A cup.

Some women like the Lance Armstrong type physique while others may like a more stocky man.

We are all attracted to certain things & we may not be able to choose to find someone attractive.
Well said...I'm a woman and I don't see the hard wired crapola.
- July 16th, 2009, 06:25 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
DIVINE_DESIGNS7 DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is offline
DIVINE_DESIGNS7's Avatar

DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is happy.

Newbie

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 31

See profile

Geek4God wrote :
Here's my question, does size matter? I think it does. Before I go on let me explain what has happened to me in the past. I have many "girlfriends" i.e. friends who are girls, and they often come to me for advice and counsel. Normally at some point in the conversation comes the famous phrase "You are so great, I wish I could find a guy like you." I sit there, and say to myself "Eh, What ABOUT me?"

This has happened 6 times in the last month alone. Granted I'm not the most handsome guy and I am overweight, but I'm working on that. Is it just me or are people looking past who I am on the inside to see the person on the outside? I've been to the mall before with my friends and they'll see the 6 foot, blond hair, blue eyes guy who looks like he stepped out of an Ambercrombie & Fich ad. They'll ooo and ahh and virtually forget about me.

Is it that I'm big, or they are just using me when they feel like it? Lately it seems that it's the first. Has anyone else experienced this? It gets depressing especially in the summer.
Stop being a doormat to these girls. They can't ever be good to you and they are showing you who they are. You are allowing them to do this to you! You can do it! Oh not to hurt your feelings but a pic of a guy holding a accordion does nothing for me and you only have one picture posted. Just remember we are all just who we are weight and all.
- July 16th, 2009, 06:30 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,848

See profile

What a surprise!
I had to become a Veteran to realize the folly of presumption that Weight and Gold-digging are only of concerns to the Female Brain, while the Male Brain is deeply occupied with the issues of Height and Wallets (not to mention other sizes in the locker room in high school)

Weight is not your problem, but your Attitude certainly is, along with your self-image in that Mirror. Do you want to be admired for WHO YOU ARE or WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE? Do you need the superficial ooo's and ahhh's or would you prefer a sincere WOW!?

Find who you are inside, learn to love that person, regardless of appearances, then work with that fine person inside to change the appearances you want changed. And you may even enlist some lovingly willing help along the way. Shocking! I know The truth can have that affect on some people...

And let me break another Truth to all of you guys -
why don't you read the bolded part of the word GIRLFRIEND? I prefer a Lady Friend followed by a Wife, personally. But does the True meaning of the obvious need to be implied? Have we really gone that far???
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 16th, 2009 at 06:48 pm. Reason: Frustrated to the extend of not being able to spell SHOCKING without turning it into a gender issue of mending socks...
- July 16th, 2009, 06:40 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
cmarn cmarn is offline
cmarn's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

for the record, skinny, pretty boys make me nervious. I find self esteem very atractive, and perfer a guy with some size. so... work on being happy w who you are. Your shape may change in the proccess, but your new attitude will be the most actractive thing.
- July 16th, 2009, 06:51 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

sc4me sc4me is offline
sc4me's Avatar

sc4me Tomorrow never comes; by the time it gets here it is today.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 308

See profile

bigfincat wrote :
I really don't buy the hard-wired based on reproduction. If that were the case then we'd all like the same thing. We tend to be attracted to things that are in our frame of reference. Such as a theatre actor being attracted to a respected fellow theatre actor. An english major being attracted to a brilliant writer. I don't see the female in this situation thinking that our children would be excellent actors or writers. They respect the ability & are attracted to that ability. Those men may also have lesser appealing physical attributes.

What we learn throughout our lives is not hard-wired. That suggests that we are born with it.

Big b00bs can turn me off while I know that the eyes of many guys can light up when seing them...even if they are fake. I know that you are speaking from the female perspective more than the male. But from the male view, I know plenty of b00b guys that like a little meat on a woman's bones while I also know a large amount of men that like women that weigh 100 pounds & could care less if they have an A cup.

Some women like the Lance Armstrong type physique while others may like a more stocky man.

We are all attracted to certain things & we may not be able to choose to find someone attractive.
+2

Some things are hardwired like the desire to procreate, but who we procreat with is not - that is a choice based on life experiences and our our own uniqueness. The blue-eyed, blond haired guy might draw a gasp in the mall, but a snicker on a date.

I don't have any female friends. I'm pretty much of the Billy Crystal school of thought (When Harry Met Sally) which says men and women can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way.

Let the women work out their issues with their women friends, get yourself in shape and gain some self-confidence. I've seen more women fall for a man with true self-confidence (not inflated) and drop the self-centered SOB than I care to count.

You saw how fast Cheryl Crow dropped Lance didn't you?
- July 16th, 2009, 06:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
Robecology Robecology is offline
Robecology's Avatar

Robecology That's me holding a bag of "Wake the f... up" coffee ! Loved the label!

Pacesetter

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 290

See profile

My comments in Bold;
Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I am short and constantly rejected based on that. So, stop seeking women taller than you! Set your standards, be honest and upfront about your height, then if a woman who KNOWS your height wants to meet you, it's a non issue! If there's not enough women your height or less in your search area? expand your search area!.

I have female friends (they are not girlfriend material as they are married or otherwise spoken for) who can't understand why I don't have a girlfriend either. What prompts these comments is that I have all the qualities that their husbands or boyfriends don't.

Nice guys don't finish last, they don't finish because they are never in the race.
Lose the self pity first. If you're "greatin2008" why do you also moan about being "lonely" "short" and "nice guys don't finish"? Drop the sad lines and smile, accept who you are, post lots of pics on your EH site of you doing things that you like to do, and you WILL get matches!.
I won't say good luck; I believe we make our own. I wish that you be determined; MAKE IT HAPPEN.
- July 16th, 2009, 06:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
Robecology Robecology is offline
Robecology's Avatar

Robecology That's me holding a bag of "Wake the f... up" coffee ! Loved the label!

Pacesetter

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 290

See profile

Pictures worth a thousand words;

http://www.weight.com/obesity_2001.gif

http://www.food.gov.uk/multimedia/bi...ernational.jpg

America; GET IN SHAPE OR WE ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE!
- July 16th, 2009, 07:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
Snick8699 Snick8699 is offline
Snick8699's Avatar

Snick8699 Forget Prince Charming...give me a guy who makes me HOT!

Quick Study

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 70

See profile

DIVINE_DESIGNS7 wrote :
Stop being a doormat to these girls. They can't ever be good to you and they are showing you who they are. You are allowing them to do this to you! You can do it! Oh not to hurt your feelings but a pic of a guy holding a accordion does nothing for me and you only have one picture posted. Just remember we are all just who we are weight and all.

I don't think he's being a doormat. A friend is a friend is a friend. If I have a platonic male friend, I harbor no romantic thoughts for him; HOWEVER, I truly value his friendship. Who's to say these girls don't as well. If the vibes he puts out are that of a friend/brother, that is going to be the foundation of that particular relationship. If he puts out that "hey baby I wanna do ya" vibe, then that is that foundation as well. I've had male friends on both sides of that coin.

But I will agree that the accordion pic is a no-sell for me. A clear picture where you're facing the camera and smiling would go a lot farther regardless of your body size.
- July 16th, 2009, 08:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
olneyjeeps olneyjeeps is offline
olneyjeeps's Avatar

olneyjeeps Like a match made in heaven, but it was made on EH.

Pacesetter

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 357

See profile

Robecology wrote :
My comments in Bold;

Lose the self pity first. If you're "greatin2008" why do you also moan about being "lonely" "short" and "nice guys don't finish"? Drop the sad lines and smile, accept who you are, post lots of pics on your EH site of you doing things that you like to do, and you WILL get matches!.
I won't say good luck; I believe we make our own. I wish that you be determined; MAKE IT HAPPEN.
X2 If you think you are overweight, you probably are. Untill you fix yourself (emotionally) no one (cept maybe a codependant) will find you attractive. As far as the girls who are friends, at 25th reunion, I couldnt count how many girls (who were "friends") told me they had crushes on me (the guy who didn't go to prom). If you find them attractive, ask them out, worst that can happen is "no" and if they are real friends, "thats so sweet, but (insert some lame excuse)"
- July 16th, 2009, 08:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 Last »

Bookmarks

« Question for the girls re: shirtless photos on guys' profiles | Array | Is it possible to be too honest? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/27143-size-does-matter-weight.html
Posted By For Type Date
Dating advice message board This thread Refback August 16th, 2009 07:23 am
Dating advice message board This thread Refback July 31st, 2009 03:03 pm

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My experience with EH and weight ellie82smiles Using eHarmony 73 October 24th, 2009 05:31 pm
Have Fun While Losing Weight! outlaw1 Health & Wellness 11 September 8th, 2009 07:48 pm
weight loss surgery florabell Ask a Dating Expert 8 July 10th, 2009 07:46 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“try adjusting your settings to outside of New Jersey. NJ is a dating wasteland. true story. I've "been there, done that" with the long distance relationships several times. It's not worth it. I ... ” – JerzyGirl527

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“You're welcome. Suzie” – 1Horselady

Join the “Is it a Lie or Not?” discussion

“Good Luck, P Y! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!” – empress_c

Join the “My match responded!!!” discussion

“Hi, Everyone! When I first saw this, I thought it was typical: Watch the video, read the material, fill out an on line entry, end of story. So, I watched, read, and thought the entry form had ... ” – empress_c

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power you ... ” – neardc2

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“ Yes OP, remember you have the option of having a 'gentleman caller-friend' without getting married if the complications are too great. Fixed it for ya! OP is female.....from the great state of ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Seniors have different needs” discussion

“I don't see libel here. You may have grounds to contest the accuracy of the opinion.” – nightling

Join the “Defamation/Libel” discussion

“The OP looks like a very good desirable and understanding woman so please don't take this as directed towards you. I'm reacting to something more than your post. Perhaps other things which your ... ” – roguewolf1

Join the “where men are financially now” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:09 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0