Brilliant first date, then nothing?


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s77 is offline s77 Post #1  July 15,2009, 11:02pm
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I had an absolutely perfect first date with an eH guy. We had a couple drinks, really interesting conversation, a little smooching before we parted ways. We exchanged numbers and last names, and this guy "friended" me on facebook the next day. Normally I'd call that creepy, but I liked him and he seemed legit so it was fine.

He called two nights after our first date to see if I wanted to meet up that night, but sadly I was busy so could not make it. Then he was away for a few days, and I was away for a few days, so a week passed, and I texted him to make plans for another date. We set a plan, only he cancelled the day of the date because "something came up." He suggested meeting a day later and I agreed. But he cancelled again, on the day of the date and said he'd call me to reschedule. No surprise, he never called.

I get the picture by now. He's just not that into me. But I've never had a first date go so well, and have the follow-up intact and then just lose it that fast?

Though he closed our match on eH because we are "communicating outside," we are still friends on facebook. It's been about 2 months of no contact, and I dated someone else for a bit since then but can't get this guy out of my head! Should I contact him? Just say hello? Or am I crazy?
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #2  July 15,2009, 11:53pm
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Well, if you are really into someone who is not really into you, then by all means give him a call or send him an email.

Just perhaps, maybe he was expecting you to contact him, forgetting he said he would call you, but it is doubtful.

Like the old saying goes, if he wanted to be with you, he would find a way.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  July 15,2009, 11:55pm
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Hmmm.... seems like it can all be explained logically except for his last cancellation and saying he'd call you to reschedule... but then he dropped the ball. Clearly, the ball is in his court. But, since nothing obviously bad happened and you both seemed to have such a great first date... and because he's your "friend" on Facebook.... it might be worth one e-mail saying "Hi, how are you doing? My life has settled down... has yours? Want to try again?"

If he was just embarassed about not getting back to you, that will open the door for him to respond. If he's truly not interested, either he'll say so or you'll never hear from him again. In either case you're no worse off than you are right now, right?

Maybe the guys on here will have a different perspective, but that's how I see it.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  July 16,2009, 12:47am
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I'm so sorry this happened to you.
It happened to me in the past as well. Sometimes what seems like a brilliant start is also the best part before the depressing end. We never know, all we can do is follow our instinct and our brain, and do the best with what we've got. At least you can sleep easy knowing that you've tried.

If you really feel that renewing contact with him may bring about the deisred result, then go ahead and contact him. But before you do, make sure you realize that you are only doing this to clear your own conscience, and be prepared for rejection or another game of some sort on his behalf (just in case he is bored and needs a last minute toy to play with) .

I'm sorry, but he does not sound like a good and decent man to me. His behavior points to the contrary and was repeated more than once, so it cannot be interpreted as a one-off mistake, it's an indicative pattern of disregard of your time and feelings.

So, please protect your heart from this character and be extra cautious. There is a bright side to this - you can learn from this mistake and move one step closer to the right guy, who will make all this pain go away with the right doze of truly knowledgeable and honorable Love.

Best of Luck to you! And, as a dear good and decent manfriend of my heart and soul likes to say, Best Results!
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 16,2009 at 12:50am. Reason: who could spell in this state of mind?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  July 16,2009, 5:04am
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Icouldwriteabook wrote :
Well, if you are really into someone who is not really into you, then by all means give him a call or send him an email.

Just perhaps, maybe he was expecting you to contact him, forgetting he said he would call you, but it is doubtful.

Like the old saying goes, if he wanted to be with you, he would find a way.
That is the way I look at too. And it goes both ways, the women are just as flaky.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  July 16,2009, 5:07am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Hmmm.... seems like it can all be explained logically except for his last cancellation and saying he'd call you to reschedule... but then he dropped the ball. Clearly, the ball is in his court. But, since nothing obviously bad happened and you both seemed to have such a great first date... and because he's your "friend" on Facebook.... it might be worth one e-mail saying "Hi, how are you doing? My life has settled down... has yours? Want to try again?"

If he was just embarassed about not getting back to you, that will open the door for him to respond. If he's truly not interested, either he'll say so or you'll never hear from him again. In either case you're no worse off than you are right now, right?

Maybe the guys on here will have a different perspective, but that's how I see it.
Well as a guy I will go with your perspective.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #7  July 16,2009, 5:52am
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For men, dating is just like riding at the amusement park. He is easily tempted and wants to try all the rides until he's nauseated and had enough.

So yes, you had a lot of fun. But no guarantees that he isn't having just as much, if not more, fun with someone else.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  July 16,2009, 6:48am
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Sorry....... ....but he met somebody else in the week he was away. He has your number, email, and Facebook contact, but he doesn't want to deal with telling you he met someone else. His answer is in his silence. You will have a great time with someone else soon, just forget this guy. It's not happening.
s77 wrote :
I had an absolutely perfect first date with an eH guy. We had a couple drinks, really interesting conversation, a little smooching before we parted ways. We exchanged numbers and last names, and this guy "friended" me on facebook the next day. Normally I'd call that creepy, but I liked him and he seemed legit so it was fine.

He called two nights after our first date to see if I wanted to meet up that night, but sadly I was busy so could not make it. Then he was away for a few days, and I was away for a few days, so a week passed, and I texted him to make plans for another date. We set a plan, only he cancelled the day of the date because "something came up." He suggested meeting a day later and I agreed. But he cancelled again, on the day of the date and said he'd call me to reschedule. No surprise, he never called.

I get the picture by now. He's just not that into me. But I've never had a first date go so well, and have the follow-up intact and then just lose it that fast?

Though he closed our match on eH because we are "communicating outside," we are still friends on facebook. It's been about 2 months of no contact, and I dated someone else for a bit since then but can't get this guy out of my head! Should I contact him? Just say hello? Or am I crazy?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  July 16,2009, 7:23am
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Have to second Wiseman on this. He has all your contact info - if he wanted to he would contact you. What you have here is a very simple one sided attraction situation. To you the date was fantastic - to him just average at best until something much more to his liking came along.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #10  July 16,2009, 7:34am
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Yup, I'm gonna "third" what the WiseMan said. To be honest, I'm always suspicious of people who say "something has come up". While I realize it is probably not wise to disclose all your personal business up front I also believe people deserve more than "something has come up"; that is if both parties want to be honest and genuine. If its a family issue then say "I've got a family issue that has come up but everything is going to be okay". If its a work issue then say "I've got some last minute work issues I have to deal with". Just sayin'
 
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