Honesty & medical issues


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kenp54 is offline kenp54 Post #1  July 15,2009, 11:25am
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This is my first post on the board here and I hope I don't come across as shallow or making excuses.
Any ways I'm a 54 yr old male that has just joined up. I haven't joined monetarily yet so I can't respond to my matches. Recently I have been diagnosed with Hardening of the Arteries...20 yrs early. I have a difficult time walking a long distance which is frustrating because in my younger days I was fairly active. Long term prognosis is unclear because of the condition but I am high risk for stroke or heart problems.
My thought process tells me to not become involved with someone cause if something happens to me it would be unfair to my lady. I would obviously tell her up front which I believe would scare her off (rightfully so). So do I pay my money, join and gamble for happiness or continue on alone?

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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  July 15,2009, 1:11pm
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First , you need a better doctor and diagnosis, "hardening of the arteries is very common at 50+, and not premature.There are treatments for it, so why act as if it is a terminal illness? Life itself is "terminal", so enjoy it, get as healthy as you can with good medical care and enjoy a wonderful life with someone
kenp54 wrote :
This is my first post on the board here and I hope I don't come across as shallow or making excuses.
Any ways I'm a 54 yr old male that has just joined up. I haven't joined monetarily yet so I can't respond to my matches. Recently I have been diagnosed with Hardening of the Arteries...
wrote :
20 yrs early.
I have a difficult time walking a long distance which is frustrating because in my younger days I was fairly active. Long term prognosis is unclear because of the condition but I am high risk for stroke or heart problems.
My thought process tells me to not become involved with someone cause if something happens to me it would be unfair to my lady. I would obviously tell her up front which I believe would scare her off (rightfully so). So do I pay my money, join and gamble for happiness or continue on alone?

kenp
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 15,2009, 1:29pm
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I see no reason to disclose any of this.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 15,2009, 2:33pm
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I met my second husband when I was 42 and he was 50. He had two triple by-passes and some mini-strokes before we met. He was hesitant because of his health issues.

My dreams came true when we married. He died last year. I count it a blessing every day I had 15 years with him.

And he didn't die of heart disease. It was cancer. So you never know.

My advice: Go for it!
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 15,2009, 3:00pm
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I can't advise you on your monetary investments, in dating or otherwise. That's your decision to make.

I will, however, say that most people suffer some sort of medical issues through the course of their lives, and the number of issues tends to increase as we age. Furthermore, the long-term prognosis is unclear for most medical and non-medical issues in life. But paradoxically, it is also very clear from where I see it...

I would not disclose your condition in your profile. But I would certainly discuss it in Open Communication, either via email, telephone or in person.

I find that Honesty can alleviate and even help cure quite a few medical issues. At the very least, if you are honest with the right people in your life (in dating or otherwise), it makes that heavy cross a little easier to carry.

Best of luck! and Welcome, of course
 
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kenp54 is offline kenp54 Post #6  July 15,2009, 3:13pm
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Thanks for all the replies. Hardening of the arteries is common at my age but there are different levels of severity. I'm in the not so good end (medium blockages in legs with high risk of blockage throughout ) which I can deal with but I don't know if it would be wise to try and start a relationship. I feel like my condition would be a burden and scare the ladies off. My personality says to let them know right off the hop.
As for the typical man using eHarmony... I don't know as I'm just me but I feel like I would be deceitful if I didn't bring it up right away.
Thanks Again for the feedback.

Go for it sounds like good advice....Now I just gotta talk myself into it.
 
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kayla4brains is offline kayla4brains Post #7  July 15,2009, 3:24pm
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Hi kenp - here is my advice. Keep in mind that this is coming from someone younger (I am 22) but I deal with chronic medical issues so I have given this a great deal of thought as well! I certainly would not disregard becoming involved in a relationship, whether or not the partner wants to become involved is entirely up to them and how they deal with your health.
As far as disclosing, I personally do not think you owe it to the other person to disclose first thing. That is awfully personal information to be giving in your profile, or even OC and in fact, might scare them away (would you be concerned if you saw that right away?) If I find that I am percieving a person as someone that I would like to continue having a relationship with, I open up and tell them (3rd date is usually appropriate for me) before if gets too deep but after we know each other a little. If you are not comfortable sharing than it is probably not right!
And again, just a personal opinion, I think that there will be someone out there who will accept you for you. Accentuate your other interests even if you can't be as active as you once were...medical conditions are frustrating and wrapping your mind around them even more so, but we all deserve to feel happy
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  July 15,2009, 3:26pm
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kenp54 wrote :
Now I just gotta talk myself into it.
I can personally assist with that one, but you'll still have to do all the talking and all the investing yourself...
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  July 15,2009, 3:31pm
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So, what are you planning to do? Sit around for the next 20 or 30 or 40 years and wait to die? That doesn't sound like much fun...lol.

Why don't you let the women who might be interested in you make their own decision about whether they would like to be involved with you instead of your making it for them in advance? There is no reason to disclose the information until you are at a point when you think you would like to continue seeing someone, or if it impinges on whether you can participate in a proposed activity. Until then, it simply isn't relevant.

For now, focus on minimizing your risk factors so you can stay as healthy as you can (eat right, take meds, etc.), and enjoy life (which includes looking for someone to love! )
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  July 15,2009, 3:33pm
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kayla4brains wrote :
That is awfully personal information to be giving in your profile, or even OC and in fact, might scare them away (would you be concerned if you saw that right away?) If I find that I am percieving a person as someone that I would like to continue having a relationship with, I open up and tell them (3rd date is usually appropriate for me) before if gets too deep but after we know each other a little. If you are not comfortable sharing than it is probably not right!
Good to have you back, Kayla!
I like all brains, even when 4 are all combined into 1

And not that I disagree, but can one of your brilliant brains agree that when I say Open Communication, it is not automatically equivalent to EH OC?
 
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