I'm 46 female and would love any input anyone can give me


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mylifesabeach is offline mylifesabeach Post #1  July 12,2009, 1:19pm
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Hi. A friend on here asked me about my dating and I spit out this long diatribe which is partially recounted here. I decided after looking at that response that maybe there is input someone could give me to let me know what the heck is going on and how to make it stop!

Here is my experience with dating over the past few years, as I told my friend.

Out of the 6 men I dated, 2 of the men I went out on one dinner date only with, called me and pestered me for months afterwards after I asked them to stop. One of them called me 13 times the day after our date. Another man I went out with one time again, unbeknown to me, after our ONE date, raised money for my son who was had become ill right around this time. He got people to donate money and sign cards and bought toys etc etc. All very nice if he had not had an ulterior motive. So now, months after our ONE date, he called me and said I had to see him so that I could come get the toys, cards etc for my son. I finally did but wow what a way to manipulate somebody. I ddint know what to do.


I dated a man about 15 years older then me for about 4 months and he is the only older person I have ever dated. I was very attracted to him and found him to be very kind. However, he lied to me about some very important things, like he was not divorced yet and was still staying at the house he had shared with his wife sometimes to "get it straightened out to sell!" After I broke up with him he called me incessantly for at least six months. After the first couple times I just hung up because I didnt want to encourage him but I also didnt want to file phone harassment charges cause I didnt want to get him in trouble. Changing my number didnt do anything cause he just found it out. If this ever happened to me again I would file harassment charges immediately. I still get an occassional 4 page letter from him but since they are not threatenting evidently I cant do anything about it. I have tried.

The other two were both men I had gone to high school with but did not know very well. Both were also my height or shorter. In the past I have always gone out with very tall men and actually this just doesn matter to me anymore. Evidently though it matter to some men because the first one things were going along ok and then he broke up with me soon after we had a conversation about how often I was going to wear heels. That might not have been it, I didnt ask but I think it was a big deal. When we initally went out I was in flat shoes. Towards the end he kept saying your so tall your so tall. And the ending was like, -we just arent right for each other, no more explanation offered or even willing to talk about.

The other guy was my height, only saw him a few weeks, unfortunatly I found out he was one month out from catching his girlfriend/fiancee of five years in the act with her boss. He came on really really strong right away which is a red flag, but then of course, I eventually found out "the story" and knew what was going on. I figured maybe we could just hang out but he said he could not see me anymore after a few weeks. Then about a week later he text messaging me all this sexual stuff? huh? which I mostly just tried to ignore cause I figure he was messed up from heartbreak. And then he was calling me wanting to come over and go places and I just blew it off. I guess he was looking for a FWB but if that is the case he's a really big liar. Why dont people just tell you what they want instead of trying to trick you?

You know you hate to post stuff about people that are still living and could possibly read it but then, what the heck. i should add that before the last person I had not dated for a while because I had gotten to the point where I was really kinda scared to. But, the last one as I said pretty much blew me off after a few weeks and except for the weird messages and stuff for a few weeks havnet heard for him so that pretty much sured me of being scared.

I really think I am probably the best person I have been in my life as far as who I am inside and my ability to commit. It seems I met better people back when I was shallow and flakey and noncommital.

i am from a small town are you big city people having better luck?
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #2  July 12,2009, 7:40pm
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Nope, big city but same story over the last year; one gal too much into her dog, one gal too much into her male friends, one gal too alpha, and one gal eventually was not interested.

Ultimately it's a numbers game; the more you try the more likely you are to succeed. FWIW, I'm not taking my own advice, and have pretty much sworn off dating for the foreseeable future. I'm just burned out, and am getting along just fine with my bachelor self.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  July 12,2009, 8:02pm
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All typical dating stuff. Although I thought that the guy that raised the $$ for your son was nice for doing that. I really wouldn't care if he wasn't direct with me about his "real" motive. Very nice thing to do.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #4  July 12,2009, 8:02pm
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So basically you are saying you are running into a lot of unstable and dishonest people? Welcome to planet Earth. I hate to be cynical but from my experience and the comments from hundred of people on this forum what conclusion should I come to?

One thing that annoys me about EH is the number of people who are using the site as a "dating site" rather than a place to find a significant other. Rather than be serious about finding a SO they figure they'll use EH to date around to fend off the boredom in their lives and IF the right one comes along then maybe they'll act on it.

Sadly EH can't screen out the crazies or the dishonest ones just like the other sites. Get used to it.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 12,2009, 8:16pm
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Greetings from a friendly Moonlit beach!

Don't worry about it so much. They just weren't the right men for you. Go on with your life, but always keep an eye out, via eHarmony and other methods. You never know where the right one may appear. Sometimes it's not where and when you'd expect to find him. But life is full of remarkable, and even breathtaking surprises that make it worth living.

mylifesabeach wrote :
I really think I am probably the best person I have been in my life as far as who I am inside and my ability to commit.
Please concentrate on this in your search. The guy who will see through all the beautiful appearances deep into your layers of substance is the one with potential to make you truly happy - on the shallow level as well as deep inside.

Keep that Hope alive and good luck!
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  July 12,2009, 8:22pm
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Something just stuck out to me.....sometimes guys asks the "heels" question not because they feel inferior---but in fact many women do not like to date shorter men.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  July 12,2009, 9:19pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I've dated a few 'troubled' women. As I read your post I realized that in a way, to me these women 'don't count'. That is, when I realized what they were like I just moved on and hardly gave them another thought. I know there are 'real' women out there and just discard the memory of those that aren't.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  July 12,2009, 9:38pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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"-we just aren't right for each other, no more explanation offered or even willing to talk about."

I guess I was dating his sister. I had the same thing happen to me.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  July 12,2009, 9:40pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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I really don't think that being from a small town or big city really is a factor. You just seem to meeting a batch of guys that are just not very good. Have faith, there are some Gr8Guys out there.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  July 12,2009, 9:57pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I guess I was dating his sister. I had the same thing happen to me.
But that's only because you were playing to lose the game
 
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