E-mail or phone to tell someone after 2 dates you're not interested


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jec30 is offline jec30 Post #1  July 11,2009, 12:37pm
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Went through guided communication, a few e-mails and then phone contact for about a month before going out. Phone contact went on longer then I would have liked but she often had valid reasons for not being able to go out (she was in the midst of a summer class).

After two dates, I just not feeling any chemistry and don't like the idea of just vanishing. Does an e-mail suffice or should I call?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  July 11,2009, 1:01pm
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Either way. The phone is nicer, but eMail will do the job. I would not leave a message on her answering machine, I would use the eMail before I did that.

Or you could wait for her to call you. Maybe she feels the same way about you. If she never calls, you don't even have to worry about this little problem. Me, personally, that's what I would do...
 
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inn is offline inn Post #3  July 11,2009, 1:02pm
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Write her an email and ask her if she felt the same. You have nothing to lose, right?
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #4  July 11,2009, 1:15pm
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I think a polite e-mail is sufficient in this case.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is online now Wonderwoman402 Post #5  July 11,2009, 1:48pm
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After just 2 dates an e-mail is sufficient. If it were two months of dating or more, at a minimum a phone call but preferably face-to-face is called for.

Rule of thumb: Treat the other person the same way you would like to be treated if the situation were reversed.
 
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Moxa is offline Moxa Post #6  July 11,2009, 1:56pm
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Yes, I definitely think an e-mail or a phone call (don't leave a message) is a good thing to do. This just recently happened to me and I really expected a phone call from him especially since he is a mature (age) individual.

We exchanged one e-mail after the date which most definitely placed the ball in his court for future anything but is appears he's just poofed away.

After a month of e-mail and phone we met and there was no chemistry, plus he was 15 years older than his picture. I suppose if he blew if by posting an ancient photo, why would I think he would do the right thing by making a courteous call. Silly me.

It's just a courtesy thing to let her know. She may even feel the same as you do. Good luck.
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #7  July 11,2009, 4:09pm
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jec30 wrote :
Went through guided communication, a few e-mails and then phone contact for about a month before going out. Phone contact went on longer then I would have liked but she often had valid reasons for not being able to go out (she was in the midst of a summer class).

After two dates, I just not feeling any chemistry and don't like the idea of just vanishing. Does an e-mail suffice or should I call?
No need to say anything unless she contacts you. After a 2nd date a woman is free to initiate contact even under old fashioned rules. If she does contact you then say something.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  July 11,2009, 5:34pm
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I have done it by e-mail twice. The girls never gave me a phone number so e-mail was the only method I had.

On the flip side I have never had any of my matches tell me they were not interested after one or two dates, they just always poof.
 
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skip9824 is offline skip9824 Post #9  July 12,2009, 12:04am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
On the flip side I have never had any of my matches tell me they were not interested after one or two dates, they just always poof.
Seriously... I don't care HOW you do it... Just be a grown up. Use your words, and tell the person "hey, not working out."

You may try to spin it as "I don't want to hurt their feelings." The truth is, the inability to break things off like a grown up is not to spare the other person, but because the break-uper (if that's not a real word, I am coining it) is just too chickens&^t to do it.

Have the conversation, however you do it... you will be better off as a result. I promise.
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #10  July 12,2009, 8:07am
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There are so many ways to answer this question that it really comes down to what you are comfortable with. For example, if in the two dates you sensed that she was really into you then you might handle it different than if it was obvious neither of you were really into it.

I can't imagine not having a phone number after two dates. How would you coordinate meeting? But if all you've done is email then that would be the way to end it.

I'm not much on "poofing" but there are occasions when that is perfectly acceptable. About a month ago I had a date with someone and a couple of days later I called and asked her out again. She said yes, but needed to work out some things with childcare. The ball was in her court to call me and she never did. I called and left one message and then dropped it.

There is just no right or wrong answer.
 
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