Men - are you put off by independent women?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #81  July 31,2009, 5:00pm
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,077

See profile

ebenezer wrote :
I for one chuckle to myself when I hear any woman declare herself independent. I know the categorization "independent" is popular and attractive to many women. The category is supposed to be of the elite sort of women. It is this attitude that causes some women to ask whether men are put off by independent women.

However, in my opinion, there are two categories of immature women: the dependent and the independent. I laugh at both these. The really mature woman, the one I respect from the very bottom of my heart, is the one that has progressed beyond being or even feeling independent to learning to be inter-dependent. The human society will always be so. No woman and no man should ever claim to be independent.

I looked up the meaning of the word "independent" and this is what I found: "not dependent; free; self-confident; unconstrained, not subject to control by others; not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood); not subordinate; rejecting others' aid or support; refusing to be under obligation to others." I submit that any person that espouses the above characteristics would be most obnoxious to live with in any society.

Dear fellow human beings, men and women, let us teach ourselves not to be independent and neither to be dependent, but to be interdependent. We need each other in order to work for the common good and to attempt to bring about a compassionate and just society in our communities. Those of us who are students of Jesus Christ, this is our mandate which we have neglected for years. We need to report back on duty--NOW!

Now to answer the question. No I for one am not put off by independent women. Rather, I look at them with amusement as I watch them wasting their energies pursuing the wrong path for women, a path that will in the ultimate not serve their interests nor those of society at large. When I see an independent woman, I leave the way for her to pass before she knocks down.

I should mention that I have daughters. To be sure I don't want those my daughters to grow up to be independent. For God's sake noooo!! I desire for them to learn to become interdependent with fellow women and with men in their communities.

I write this in love. I hope I didn't sound accusative or judgmental. I intend neither. I salute you all.
Very good post.
 
  Reply With Quote
mclark is offline mclark Post #82  July 31,2009, 5:59pm
mclark's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Hillsville, VA

Posts: 28

See profile

bwr wrote :
I love doing the little things, but it seems like they are rarely appreciated by the women I am meeting lately. I am sick of carrying dates and relationships. All I read on these message boards are women complaing men never do the little thing, are not affectionate or romantic, yet in reality these women don't seem to exist
Maybe you are choosing the wrong women. Sometimes I think we forget to evaluate what we have contributed to the failure of a relationship. Each time one ends, I believe it is important for each of us to determine "What could I have done differently? Why did it not work?" "What responsibility do I have?"
That includes re-evaluating what we are looking for. Sometimes what we have always looked for, may be completely the wrong type of person. This requires us to step out the comfort zone, what is familiar is frequently not good. Strictly hypothetically: lets say a woman in your past belittled your attempts at kindness. Say you drew her a picture when you were 5. Her response was less than appreciative, but you maintained respect and love for this person. Now as an adult you gravitate toward that type of person, yet, it makes you unhappy.
I would like to share with you things that I have done to help me and what I have also told my children to do.
First, make a list of the attributes your are looking for in a mate. Read them regularly so they remain fresh in your mind. You will be less likely to be side tracked by infatuation.
Second, work on those attributes in your self that need attention. Ex. If you are quick to anger, then may be that can be work on.
Third, Make your life full and complete. What I mean is that: do the things that matter to you. Make time for your hobbies, to work on your health, find a charity that needs your talents, and learn something new.
We are always a work in progress. None of us ever reaches perfection.
While you are doing all this and reviewing your list of attributes, before you know it, the one you're looking for be presented to you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Keelie is offline Keelie Post #83  April 12,2011, 2:13pm
Keelie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 7

See profile

avinash wrote :
Where would they fit into your life, seems you're so independent that there is no place for a guy to begin with
dude, that's crazy. good thing you're reading this thread.

It seems that you're definition of a relationship is that you're there to "do" and the other person is supposed to be there to "get". Persons should come together because they like each other. Anything else is either an expression of THAT or an undue burden, not a pre-requisite. Too bad you're judging a whole lot of seriously interesting women by by your narrow concept of relationships, "life" and "men" and "women". You're probably missing out on the adventure of your life. If you're into that sort of thing.
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #84  April 12,2011, 3:00pm
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,531

See profile

Why are you still single?

1. there might be other things abot you that push men away beyond the "i have a home and can take care of myself".

2. Yes it is true ~ there are some men out there who might be turned off because the don't feel they can contribute anything to you because they're not able to take care of the traditinal things they were lead to believe was their job to provide. (Traditional men in other words).

Ultimately... the only other thing I can think of is this. I've noticed that "independent women" seem to, sort of, come off as having a chip on their shoulder and attitude where they go out of their way to say, express, and show how "they don't need a man." Now I'm not criticizing that ~ I understand where it comes from and why and why it may be a big deal to some females (say.. they may have come from a sexist environment or worked in a sexist environment or were former abuse victims and this is like their fresh air and vindication for all those years to prove tothemselves an others that yes they can be independent). I get and apprecaite and understand that.

The reason I bring it up is that... let's face it.. for a relationship to be successful each party needs to feel like they are needed in some capacity, and that they are able to provide somethign to their partner in some way. right? I mean nobody wants to feel like they're useless and have nothing to contribute to soembody else's life.

So... it might be possible that you have not made potential parteners feel like you appreciate them or make them feel they have something they can provide to oyu that's important to you.

My guess is that this is obviously not an active act, but more so a sub-conscious thing that you may not realize you are doing.

but in the end.. something is going on. So its' your job to fgure out what may be doing this... I've just provided my opinioin on a couple of things it might be.

Good luck to you.

Richey
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #85  April 12,2011, 3:04pm
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,531

See profile

oh.. btw.. me personally..
i prefer independent women...

i don't lke dependent, clingy, everthign has to be together, everything has to be the same, women. i dont' like followers.

I enjoy females that have a mind of their own and want me to have a mind of my own.

Richey
 
  Reply With Quote
Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #86  April 12,2011, 3:26pm
Lindac7's Avatar

says: "Come and stand beside us, we can find a better way."

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Portland, Oregon

Posts: 1,236

See profile

I haven't read the whole thread, but I'll say this . . . in the past I noticed a pattern where the only men who were interested in me were those looking for Mommy. During that time period I often had people tell me how 'together' I was; how independent I was; how I didn't seem to need a man.

Of course I told them the fact that I'm independent has nothing to do with whether I need a man or not. Of course I need a man - for love, companionship, and sex - I just don't need to be dependent on one. Also, I was independent by default, because I had no choice. It was either step up to the plate and do what was necessary, or admit defeat in utter humiliation. In my mind, failure was not an option. ;-)

I also realized that the reason all I was meeting was guys looking for Mommy is because all they saw was my 'togetherness', and that's what attracted those kinds of guys. After spending the necessary time pondering this dynamic, I realized I needed to change some things, and become more receptive to receiving from men who want to give, and let go of some of the independent vibe I was projecting.

It worked like a charm. I'm now attracting men who are closer to what I really want - not a boy looking for Mommy, and not an Alpha male looking for a helpless maiden to save and take care of, but a full grown, healthy adult man who is equally as capable as me, and wants to share his life with a woman who understands that sometimes it's best to NOT be so capable, and let him do things for me, as it benefits both of us.
 
  Reply With Quote
gatecrasher is offline gatecrasher Post #87  April 13,2011, 7:13pm
gatecrasher's Avatar

it's like the freshman dork getting with the big-haired senior cheerleader.

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2008

NY NY

Posts: 49

See profile

Only the "independent women" that confuse disrespect and their need to be excessively dominant with true independence.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« how to respond? | Dating | Should We Get Serious? Six Questions to Ask Yourself »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
so then a women who is not real pretty can never find love???? kat5560 Dating 112 September 9,2011 9:51pm
Why Successful Women Can't Find a Great Man eharmonyadvice Ask a Dating Expert 630 August 16,2011 10:01pm
A Mars Venus Guide: Dating Do's and Don'ts for Men outlaw1 Dating 62 December 27,2010 9:04pm
Is There Something Dating Articles Aren't Telling Women? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 22 August 12,2009 9:04am
Having Friends DennisWisconsin A Man's Point of view 3 May 24,2009 8:54am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion

“Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Received lovely email from former poofer” discussion

“How about phone calls, then?” –  barbarella_42

Join the “Advice on Response time” discussion

“I have never spoken to a woman like he has. Yeah, I have never spoken to a woman like that either. It is a hard call to whether he is just as jerk, or whether he is a player. Both are feasible ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “So, men. Explain this to me, please!” discussion

“I have come to this same conclusion. Thank you.” –  bibittyboo

Join the “Confused about date #2” discussion

“Harmonygirl, I do not usually make up my mind on blanket situations but instead would examine each one on it's own merits, so I cannot answer your question. However, just in the going about of daily ... ” –  Ephemera

Join the “Atheism, Religion and Tolerance” discussion

“I was ok until the kiss on the cheek part....That doesn't sound like your defenses were up at all... It's one thing for a guy to walk up and start with the cheesy lines....But as soon as I say, "no ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “So this guy walks into a bar . . .” discussion

“ No. It is not wise. You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules. You might lose ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Becoming Exclusive” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:24pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0