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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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DennisWisconsin LA/Victorville California

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OverAnalyzer wrote :
hmm...is that possible? Let's say I'm a 51 year old single parent of older kids, own my home, work full time, take care of inside and out, have hobbies, am happy, content, and keep crossing the next thing off my list.

I'm attractive, fun, not overweight, great cook, passionate, optimistic, and happy. (not a ploy, just stating what you may be wondering).

So why am I still single? Do men really want to take care of women? If so, how come I only meet the ones that want to be taken care of?
Will you marry me? Oh... ummm... I mean... meant that I appreciate independent women... I travel half the time for work and if a women isn't independent it just won't work... and quite frankly if they need their guy home every night they don't even bother with me. Keep your chin up... you will find the right guy... you don't live near Milwaukee do you? Just checking...
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Canada Repels Invasion by the United States:
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; July 19th, 2009 at 09:46 pm. Reason: Canada hates me...
- July 19th, 2009, 09:44 pm
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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HealthyFun1979 wrote :
I like how this lady sees it. I have my men's team that I take my problems to and she can take her problems to the ladies. I and most men I would imagine like to fix things. Don't get me wrong, we can still chat but venting about problems can go on elsewhere. Why not make the home a sanctuary and a place for fun!
Because it is a house of cards, and there is nothing safe about it. It's a fairy tale fantasy wiating to crash on both parters' heads (and hopefully, no children are involved at that stage to be hurt in the process).

Life is not problem-free. People change, learn and discover more about about themselves, other people and the world in the process of dealing with problems. If your partner is not part of that process, then that's just that - you will eventually grow apart and one day wake up to a complete stranger next to you.

That said, having hysterical, emotional fits is another extreme and not the answer either. People are all different. The comfort of a good relationship allows us to be who we are and express our emotions freely, in whatever way works best for each individual. Both partners have to work together on developing ways and techniques of avoiding screaming matches, insults and silent treatments in the process.

That's all.
- July 20th, 2009, 05:53 am
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bwr bwr is offline
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OverAnalyzer wrote :
hmm...is that possible? Let's say I'm a 51 year old single parent of older kids, own my home, work full time, take care of inside and out, have hobbies, am happy, content, and keep crossing the next thing off my list.

I'm attractive, fun, not overweight, great cook, passionate, optimistic, and happy. (not a ploy, just stating what you may be wondering).

So why am I still single? Do men really want to take care of women? If so, how come I only meet the ones that want to be taken care of?
You are still single because you are not willing to put forth the effort it takes to make a relationship work. Relationships are relationships, and they take dedication and hard work, period.

Women who don't make a lot of money or are not independent are going to work harder at a relationship than an independent woman. They are going to stand behind their man and fight to keep him.
- July 20th, 2009, 07:10 am
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Oh, all the women I've ever been really close to, including mother of my children were strong willed. I was drawn to them because of that. It is only a bother when such seems turned of you. But that's life. Servile would be dull.fficeffice" />>>
- July 20th, 2009, 09:14 am
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bwr wrote :
You are still single because you are not willing to put forth the effort it takes to make a relationship work. Relationships are relationships, and they take dedication and hard work, period.

Women who don't make a lot of money or are not independent are going to work harder at a relationship than an independent woman. They are going to stand behind their man and fight to keep him.
I see - so you're saying that women who are more dependent have lower standards and b/c of their dependency they will fight to keep what little they have b/c it's all they have.

Thanks, but I'll stay single for the rest of my life if the only alternative is for me to blindly "stand behind my man and fight to keep him".

Your post says nothing about the other half of the relationship and instead arbitrarily assigns fault to the indep. woman by assuming that since she is independent that she is not as dedicated and committed to her relationship solely b/c her solvency does not depend on licking her husband's boots.

Maybe the correct response is that the men who date indep. women are not willing to commit to the relationship because they are either 1) intimidated or 2) can't get the proper level of subservience you seem to find appropriate or 3) that she has a life that does not revolve around him.

Obviously, both your answer and my admittedly sarcastic one above are completely stereotypical, and I would hope that neither is true. The fact that you would present your argument as being reality implies that the woman's commitment is what makes a relationship and ignores all of the other things that go into making a relationship work. However, we certainly agree on one thing - that relationships are hard work - but obviously both sides of the equation need to be committed to it whether they be indepedent or otherwise.
- July 20th, 2009, 09:49 am
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Brilliant response Counsel.
- July 20th, 2009, 01:37 pm
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OverAnalyzer OverAnalyzer is offline
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Give yourself a decade or so. The constant arguments/disagreements/contests of will get draining and just plain tiring.

I don't want a pushover, but I don't want a constant struggle either. I understand I won't get my way all the time, and don't want to deal with someone who expects to get her way all the time either. Mutual respect and compromise without drama are what I'm looking for. Too many times I've seen 'independent women' as code for the type of woman you are interested in. No thanks...
I think I have to define independent.

DennisWisconsin wrote :
Will you marry me? Oh... ummm... I mean... meant that I appreciate independent women... I travel half the time for work and if a women isn't independent it just won't work... and quite frankly if they need their guy home every night they don't even bother with me. Keep your chin up... you will find the right guy... you don't live near Milwaukee do you? Just checking...
THIS is what I mean by independent. The man can go to work and I don't have to call him to ask if I can turn up the heat. He can go on a business trip and I can deal with what comes up. There are no worries that either will be unable to manage. That works the other way too. If I travel for work I don't want to come home to a sink full of dishes, baskets of laundry, and find him sitting in the dark because he couldn't find the stamps to pay the light bill.

BTW if you ever stop over in NH, call 555-

bwr wrote :
You are still single because you are not willing to put forth the effort it takes to make a relationship work. Relationships are relationships, and they take dedication and hard work, period.

Women who don't make a lot of money or are not independent are going to work harder at a relationship than an independent woman. They are going to stand behind their man and fight to keep him.
I saved you for last. I am perfectly aware of what a relationship is. I know what it takes. Yes, they do take dedication and yes, they do take work, but if it is to the extent that it is mentally exhausing or physically debilitating, it simply isn't worth it. It should not be hard work. It should be give and take, love and be loved, showing a mutual respect and grace. It should be voluntary, willing, and unconditional. Good relationships are trusting, loyal, respectful, loving, and passionate. They are a gift.

As far as your second paragraph, you have got to be kidding. I have backspaced 4 times because I can't seem to type anything PC enough to be printed.

I would like to ask you how many relationships you have been in. And how long they lasted.

I just had to check...your profile says you are a 43 year old single man. Have you always been single? Just curious.


***
Being an independent woman does not mean we are all bossy, manipulative, dish-throwing, emasculating, cold-hearted b*t*s. It means that we have enough sense, intelligence, wisdom, courage, fortitude, and hardiness to deal with things alone when we have to - sometimes simply because life threw us a curve. Isn't this what men do?

I expect my man to have the same strength. I want to respect him, adore him, cherish him, but I will have a difficult time doing so if he can't find his socks.
Last edited by OverAnalyzer; July 20th, 2009 at 07:08 pm. Reason: yet more backspacing...
- July 20th, 2009, 07:02 pm
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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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555.... ummm.... dishes? What dishes?
- July 20th, 2009, 07:12 pm
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OverAnalyzer OverAnalyzer is offline
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Paper works. Or take-out. See? A compromise!

Where did that other guy go?
- July 20th, 2009, 07:27 pm
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bwr bwr is offline
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gtp wrote :
I see - so you're saying that women who are more dependent have lower standards and b/c of their dependency they will fight to keep what little they have b/c it's all they have.

Thanks, but I'll stay single for the rest of my life if the only alternative is for me to blindly "stand behind my man and fight to keep him".

Your post says nothing about the other half of the relationship and instead arbitrarily assigns fault to the indep. woman by assuming that since she is independent that she is not as dedicated and committed to her relationship solely b/c her solvency does not depend on licking her husband's boots.

Maybe the correct response is that the men who date indep. women are not willing to commit to the relationship because they are either 1) intimidated or 2) can't get the proper level of subservience you seem to find appropriate or 3) that she has a life that does not revolve around him.

Obviously, both your answer and my admittedly sarcastic one above are completely stereotypical, and I would hope that neither is true. The fact that you would present your argument as being reality implies that the woman's commitment is what makes a relationship and ignores all of the other things that go into making a relationship work. However, we certainly agree on one thing - that relationships are hard work - but obviously both sides of the equation need to be committed to it whether they be indepedent or otherwise.
I never said I was attracted to dependent women at all. In fact I am not at all, but yet I am frustrated because in reality that is all I am attracting. It seems a lot of women I am meeting are interested in what I have and what I can provide for them. These women I have to admit do go out of their way to treat my like a king, and it feels good, but at the end of the day, I feel empty because I know its not sincere and that its only because they are dependent on me.

However, when I do meet intelligent, independent women, I don't sense their heart is really into making a relationship with a man a top priority. I feel like they are not emotionally available and I don't sense much passion on their part.

I sometimes wish there was a way I could take how good a dependent women makes me feel and put it inside an intelligent, independent woman.

I will admit I think my obesity and weight is an issue and I am really working on it and making it a priority. I am hoping once I get close to my ideal body weight and am fit again, that more independent women will take me seriously. I am intelligent and fiercely independent myself, and despite what some people think here, I am actually a fun person to be with in real life, but I think being obese is just not sparking the interest in the independent women I am attracted to.

But even if and when I do lose the weight and get fit again, I still sense I am going to struggle somewhat finding an independent, intelligent, attractive woman who shares the same passion, energy level as me in building a LTR.

I also sense I will attract even more of the dependent women, too. It seems like with my job and financial security and being a big, tall guy, I never have problems meeting the dependent golddiggers. But I have to admit some of them do know how to treat a man in the short term
- July 21st, 2009, 04:34 am
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