Men - are you put off by independent women?

avinash[/B];671181]Where would they fit into your life, seems you're so independent that there is no place for a guy to begin with

hmm...is that possible? Let's say I'm a 51 year old single parent of older kids, own my home, work full time, take care of inside and out, have hobbies, am happy, content, and keep crossing the next thing off my list.

I'm attractive, fun, not overweight, great cook, passionate, optimistic, and happy. (not a ploy, just stating what you may be wondering).

So why am I still single? Do men really want to take care of women? If so, how come I only meet the ones that want to be taken care of?

I love them. What I can't stand are self professed independent feminists who still expect me to pay for everything, open doors, initiate all contact, always make the first move, etc


So many women seem to want to have their cake and eat it too.

This whole thread seems strange to me... I'm not sure what everyone else thinks, but being with another person shouldn't be about need at all!

I think relationships should be based on want and adaptation. If you want to be with someone you adapt yourself to be with them. It's not easy, but anything worth having takes effort.

If they are too demanding or 'needy' without any reciprocation then adaptation quickly turns into deference which, if pushed, can become less respectful and eventually turn into a battle for control.

Having a relationship shouldn't be about being in control of anything. You're supposed to be hurt, that's the point. Without being hurt you'd have no reason to change and grow. You just need to decide if you'll accept being hurt by this particular person.

If you're in a relationship to get something from someone else then I weep for you. You should be in it to give. If you meet someone worthwhile they do the same thing.

Everyone is different though. Lots of folks want to go through life with this self-delusion that they are in charge of themselves. People they associate with need to wear a yoke before they are allowed to get close.

Being in control of someone else and manipulating them to do what you want isn't love. It's lack of personal control. Knowing that you can strong arm a weaker person into being subservient doesn't mean you should do it!

Ultimately if you are independent and strong enough to live your life by your own terms, do you really need anyone else to hold you back? Why not use circumstance to decide who to be with? If you are part of a club and find satisfaction being with a certain person at the club then let it roll. Risk a little and put yourself out there.

Mutual interests, random events, letting things kinda flow together. Letting your feelings and intuition guide you with interpersonal relationships is way more satisfying than constantly thinking of who gives more or who controls what. Or what you can make someone do.

If you feel good with it then roll with it. If you're not feeling good then express it and move forward. Don't start regretting and bottling to 'protect another persons sensibilities'; Just express yourself for yourself and if it offends them then let them deal with it. Listen to their expressions of frustration if needed but don't hold back being communicative for any reason.

Ultimately it will be better for both partners if feelings and thoughts are shared. It'll allow both people to learn about each other and eventually not need to discuss little things because you'll already know the reasoning and understandings behind one another's actions.

I think verbalizing thoughts and feelings is the best way to express ourselves to another. It allows us to see their responses and intuitively come to conclusions that we can put back into our communication and discover more truths.

I don't think there is only one person out there for everyone. You are a sum of your experiences so share them with someone if you want or don't. Life is up to us. We all suffer until we die.

Everyone is emotionally filled differently. Just find someone who you are compatible with and, combined with trust and understanding created through communication, allow yourself to put your energy into filling them emotionally and know that they can and will do the same back for you in a way that you appreciate and love.

Getting to know if they are compatible is easy. Just ask.

hmm...is that possible? Let's say I'm a 51 year old single parent of older kids, own my home, work full time, take care of inside and out, have hobbies, am happy, content, and keep crossing the next thing off my list.

I'm attractive, fun, not overweight, great cook, passionate, optimistic, and happy. (not a ploy, just stating what you may be wondering).

So why am I still single? Do men really want to take care of women? If so, how come I only meet the ones that want to be taken care of?

Woah, Outlaw, you have some serious issues! Sounds like you've had a rough trip through family court.

Perhaps we need a definition of "independent" and "needy" that everyone can agree on.
I don't need a man to pay my mortgage or my bills and I can pay my share of the entertainment dollars. That doesn't make me "bossy" or "superior". I'm "spoiled" because I can meet my car payments?
The fact that I don't need to be sitting on my guy's lap 24/7 doesn't make me "high maintenance". I'd think the opposite, actually.

I can't even say that I'm a feminist but my idea of "need" isn't to find a man who is so controlling of my finances that I'm trapped in a relationship because I don't know how to make it on my own. (See how these generalizations sound silly?)

Being able to stand on my own two feet doesn't make me "bossy" or "superior". It makes me less likely to get alimony

By Outlaw's standards, I just have to be poor and pretty to succeed in a relationship (or, rather, to "stir up a man-organ"). That might be true among the Neanderthals, but not in this century. I'm not sure who's coming off worse in this debate.

I "need" a man for companionship, sex, entertainment, moral support, conversation (I'm looking for the intellectual sort, which is the best way to stir up my woman-organ). I don't need a man to be the dude in charge of my every waking moment.
I'd consider this "low maintenance" - why are guys so frightened by this?

Or perhaps Outlaw means that "bossy" is about getting nagged to take out the garbage without the ability to slap her upside the head for her impertinence.