Men - are you put off by independent women?

maybe questioning the reason for wanting a relationship in the first place would help. what sounds more to your liking, a person who expresses the cold, callousness of not 'needing' anyone for a relationship or the warmer, friendlier approach of a person who truly 'wants' a relationship and is willing to work towards making that relationship work

Is it OK for a woman to talk to a man about her problems?

No. I talk to my female friends about that. Men hate being talked to about problems unless they can fix it. To talk for the sake of talking is overwhelming to men. Men love to "fix". Random venting is usually overwhelming to most men Especially the crying weepy convos.

I never cease to be amazed at the range of what constitutes a 'relationship' for different people.

This whole thread seems strange to me... I'm not sure what everyone else thinks, but being with another person shouldn't be about need at all!

I think relationships should be based on want and adaptation. If you want to be with someone you adapt yourself to be with them. It's not easy, but anything worth having takes effort.

If they are too demanding or 'needy' without any reciprocation then adaptation quickly turns into deference which, if pushed, can become less respectful and eventually turn into a battle for control.

Having a relationship shouldn't be about being in control of anything. You're supposed to be hurt, that's the point. Without being hurt you'd have no reason to change and grow. You just need to decide if you'll accept being hurt by this particular person.

If you're in a relationship to get something from someone else then I weep for you. You should be in it to give. If you meet someone worthwhile they do the same thing.

Having said that, everyone gives differently. Not everyone is comfortable enabling someone else to be lazy. I certainly wouldn't be. An emotionally weak person may need to be told constantly through words that they are worthwhile and pretty. They might enjoying returning that feeling of goodness by doing chores and so forth. Another person might like to spend time with you doing all sorts of things. Cooking, washing the car, having a walk...

It's not about controlling another person or judging them. It should be about acceptance and giving. Having this preconceived mold that someone else needs to fit into isn't only unfair, it sets you up for disappointment. If things are tried and they don't work then they don't work.

Nobody is ever going to fit into a mold all the time. Sometimes peoples emotional issues boil over and having additional stress put on them by the people they care for only causes more tension. Venting at someone who is already fed up with your baggage isn't a good idea either however.

Everyone is different though. Lots of folks want to go through life with this self-delusion that they are in charge of themselves. People they associate with need to wear a yoke before they are allowed to get close.

Being in control of someone else and manipulating them to do what you want isn't love. It's lack of personal control. Knowing that you can strong arm a weaker person into being subservient doesn't mean you should do it!

Ultimately if you are independent and strong enough to live your life by your own terms, do you really need anyone else to hold you back? Why not use circumstance to decide who to be with? If you are part of a club and find satisfaction being with a certain person at the club then let it roll. Risk a little and put yourself out there.

Mutual interests, random events, letting things kinda flow together. Letting your feelings and intuition guide you with interpersonal relationships is way more satisfying than constantly thinking of who gives more or who controls what. Or what you can make someone do.

If you feel good with it then roll with it. If you're not feeling good then express it and move forward. Don't start regretting and bottling to 'protect another persons sensibilities'; Just express yourself for yourself and if it offends them then let them deal with it. Listen to their expressions of frustration if needed but don't hold back being communicative for any reason.

Ultimately it will be better for both partners if feelings and thoughts are shared. It'll allow both people to learn about each other and eventually not need to discuss little things because you'll already know the reasoning and understandings behind one another's actions.

I think verbalizing thoughts and feelings is the best way to express ourselves to another. It allows us to see their responses and intuitively come to conclusions that we can put back into our communication and discover more truths.

I don't think there is only one person out there for everyone. You are a sum of your experiences so share them with someone if you want or don't. Life is up to us. We all suffer until we die.

Everyone is emotionally filled differently. Just find someone who you are compatible with and, combined with trust and understanding created through communication, allow yourself to put your energy into filling them emotionally and know that they can and will do the same back for you in a way that you appreciate and love.

Getting to know if they are compatible is easy. Just ask.

hmm...is that possible? Let's say I'm a 51 year old single parent of older kids, own my home, work full time, take care of inside and out, have hobbies, am happy, content, and keep crossing the next thing off my list.

I'm attractive, fun, not overweight, great cook, passionate, optimistic, and happy. (not a ploy, just stating what you may be wondering).

So why am I still single? Do men really want to take care of women? If so, how come I only meet the ones that want to be taken care of?

Where would they fit into your life, seems you're so independent that there is no place for a guy to begin with