Just shaking my head in confusion about the guys who have contacted me.


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dragonfly_girl is offline dragonfly_girl Post #31  July 10,2009, 7:59am
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I agree with butterflywisperer, the whole totem pole thing comes off weird. It's one thing to tell someone you are into collecting aboriginal/native art, it's another to tell someone you barely know you have 5 fertility totems surrounding your bed....almost sounds like you are into some kind of weird ritualistic practices. :-)

That being said, a written forum when you can't actually interact physically is a bit harder. You have to write really clearly and make sure you are saying what you mean. So much can be subject to interpretation, especially without the benefit of facial expression or tone of voice.

I guess that's why eH encourages you stay in the system for as long as you need, as it's really easy to close out a match that you are just not finding appealing?
 
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winn is offline winn Post #32  July 10,2009, 3:03pm

Please tell me where I can find a normal man???

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6dle899 wrote :
Don't feed the troll, winn.........
Sorry
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #33  July 10,2009, 3:07pm
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nvalentine1977 wrote :
I've gotten several hysterically bad date stories out of my time so far with eHa, including one where the first guy I dated for about a month in January just got engaged to someone else in June. While I've not experienced that level of creepiness, I am a little frustrated with the process I suppose. The guys that contact me, I'm not interested in at all and the ones that I am interested in haven't yet responded (I'm talking from like March til now). Any suggestions??
The advice from Crosby Stills and Nash would be:

And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with
Love the one you're with
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #34  July 10,2009, 3:13pm
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eyerishize wrote :
Hi Butterfly...

I've gone out with three men met through this site.

The first one showed up at our first date an hour late, never apologized, and then suggested we sit in the bar area so he could "smell the smoke" - this, after his profile said he was a non-smoker. He confessed he was trying to quit and lit up five times before our table was ready.

Off the cuff, and my suggestion: Guys, and gals too -- if you are still smoking even one cigarette, YOU ARE A SMOKER. Please be honest about that in your profiles.

The second date was at a restaurant about an hour from my house. He got there on time, so he gets snaps for that! But -- for a first time dinner date, at a fancy restaurant of his choosing, and where he made the reservatins -- he dressed in a short sleeved un-ironed shirt, jeans and dirty sneakers.

Here's the creepy part - During dinner he said he expects all his dates to STAY OVER AT HIS HOUSE so we "won't have to drive home late at night by ourselves." I said that was out of the question, and then he insisted, saying he makes a "mean breakfast."

Guys - leave the ulterior motives at home and take a first date for exactly what it is - a chance to get to know someone. No, not, KNOW someone...

The third date was a lunch date at Houlihan's very near my home. The light atmosphere and background music was just fine for an afternoon meeting. But the man sat there and didn't order anything but a soda. I asked if he was on a calorie restriction diet, or short on cash or something. He replied he NEVER EATS LUNCH. So I looked him right in the eyes and said, "then why did you suggest a lunch date if you never eat lunch?" He said "I don't know." So I literally sat there eating lunch while he watched.

Well all I can say is, I will keep trying eharmony until I find a better date. Good luck to all of you and keep the faith and humor in your lives...God knows I need it!!!

Best wishes, Eyerishize
The first two sound like whack jobs, but the third just seems a bit odd. He could have at least ordered a salad and gone through the motions of stabbing his fork in it. Was he otherwise okay? Do you cross someone off due to one odd behavior?
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #35  July 10,2009, 8:41pm
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I think someone touched on an important point. You have those who have been around the online dating scene for quite some time who have one set of perspectives, and then you have people who are newer who are just getting started and have a lot of concerns and cautions.

For instance one of the most discussed topics is how soon to move things forward from email to phone to face to face. Most veterans know you need to do a minimal amount of email and phone just to get some of the basics out of the way and then move as soon as possible to a face to face. We understand this to be preferable not because we want to move too fast but because we've learned through experience that too many false expectations and false hopes can get built up during email and phone, and you really don't know what the potential is until you meet.

On the other hand someone that is new (especially a woman) may want to go very slowly for a lot of reasons including safety. No doubt they've heard all kinds of stories (some true and most not) about things that happen to online daters. So as a veteran you have to try and figure out where the other person is at in terms of expectations and then move things along accordingly. You have to strike that delicate balance of moving things enough so they feel you are interested and yet not too fast so you don't give off the creepy/stalker vibe.

All in all it can be challenging. My solution is usually to let them move ahead at their pace.
 
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Emmma is offline Emmma Post #36  July 10,2009, 9:06pm
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6dle899 wrote :
Don't feed the troll, winn.........
Love it!
 
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