It was nice...but I'm not into incurable STD's


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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #1  July 6,2009, 10:56pm
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A little while ago...

I was talking to a match via la telephono and the conversations were rather strange. The woman spoke of her B'mer; her business and how much $$$ she made last year. I thought why would someone reveal so much about themselves? Someone shouldn't have to try to sell them self so hard. I figured it out. On conversation 3ish she told me that she contracted genital herpes from an ex....

I thanked her for being responsible by telling me. I referred her to an incurable STD dating site. Mind you... incurable STD's are definately a deal breaker for me. Alright, any STD is a turnoff for me.

Has anyone here experienced the same thing regarding a disclosure such as this on eHarm?
 
 
SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #2  July 7,2009, 12:33am
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Perhaps you were too harsh.


Maybe she contracted this from a dishonest person that she fell, for, hard.


Maybe the outbreaks would be rare and far between, and you could time it safely when you were intimate.


I don't know, really; you can do as you wish; but the person could be a wonderful match, and an innocent victim - and safe for the fun moments if it was timed well,



And you are treating her like a pariah, untouchable, a leper....


Supposing the tables turned, and it was YOU with this affliction?

What then?
 
 
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  July 7,2009, 12:42am
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With about 60% of the population having HS-1, and 20-30% of the population having HS-2... and at least half of them not knowing that they have it... chances are you've already dated someone with herpes and not known it. Both forms of the virus can be found on the lips or the genital area.

Education is key, and with education, awareness and proper meds when needed, it is easy to vastly reduce the chances of catching it or passing it on to pretty close to zero. The virus itself is an annoyance, not a death sentence.

Your lady friend was very responsible in telling you. It takes a lot of integrity to do so; many people with it do not. Your reaction was unfortunate.

With your attitude, you will be excluding a LOT of wonderful people from your dating pool.
 
 
soawesome is offline soawesome Post #4  July 7,2009, 12:51am
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Wow! I can't believe you guys are being so hard on him!! He didn't know this woman. Why is he obligated to accept her STD? He didn't know her! It's a deal breaker for him, so at least he didn't wait til they were several dates in and feelings were developing and then crush her over the std. She did the right thing by telling him and he honored himself by telling her it was a no go no further.
 
 
RedDirect is offline RedDirect Post #5  July 7,2009, 12:54am
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6dle899 wrote :
And you are treating her like a pariah, untouchable, a leper....
She has an incurable, transmittable disease. He's well within his rights, and I would argue common sense, to say, "No way."

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
With your attitude, you will be excluding a LOT of wonderful people from your dating pool.
Wow. "With his attitude"?!?! You're making it sound as though he has a deficient personality for making a perfectly respectable choice. Maybe you should look at your own attitude, attempting to shame someone else for a perfectly rational and HEALTHY decision.
 
 
Mayne is offline Mayne Post #6  July 7,2009, 12:57am
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6dle899 wrote :
Perhaps you were too harsh.


Maybe she contracted this from a dishonest person that she fell, for, hard.


Maybe the outbreaks would be rare and far between, and you could time it safely when you were intimate.


I don't know, really; you can do as you wish; but the person could be a wonderful match, and an innocent victim - and safe for the fun moments if it was timed well,



And you are treating her like a pariah, untouchable, a leper....


Supposing the tables turned, and it was YOU with this affliction?

What then?
I don't think he treated her harshly or judged her. He just said that incurable STD's are a dealbreaker. Sure, in all likelihood, he's probably had sex with someone who had the genital herpes virus.. but he did not know this, so he could not do anything about it.

It is like when you go out to eat. Chances are good that your cook will use the toilet and not wash his hands afterwards... you eat out anyway... but if you see the cook walk out the toilet with your own eyes, not wash his hands, and then head back to the kitchen to make your pizza (kneading the dough and all), you'll probably walk out of the restaraunt.
 
 
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #7  July 7,2009, 1:07am
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Well, if this is going to be a dealbreaker for you (generic "you" meaning anyone agreeing with the OP), then you'd better start asking ALL potential dates early on if they've EVER had a cold sore or genital herpes. A cold sore can spread it to the genitals - it's the same virus.

But you'll STILL be at risk of getting it (assuming you eventually have sex with anyone) as at least half of people who have it don't know it.

He could have turned her down for her bragging about her car or whatever... it is his prerogative who he goes out with. But to be judgmental of his match when she was honest with him just displays ignorance.
 
 
bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #8  July 7,2009, 1:10am
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Yes people need to be upfront. Realistically...eharmony isn't going to be able to do a medical background check on members for stds or other health factors.

If you start weeding out people by all the "flaws"...where's the line? Soon you wouldn't have anyone even able to become a member.

I think the odds are that most people have dated plenty of people that had stds or other personal health issues without ever mentioning them.

My own experience in eharmony has been that guys didn't know their std status...which to me is spookier than knowing and dealing with it.
 
 
Mayne is offline Mayne Post #9  July 7,2009, 1:33am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Well, if this is going to be a dealbreaker for you (generic "you" meaning anyone agreeing with the OP), then you'd better start asking ALL potential dates early on if they've EVER had a cold sore or genital herpes. A cold sore can spread it to the genitals - it's the same virus.

But you'll STILL be at risk of getting it (assuming you eventually have sex with anyone) as at least half of people who have it don't know it.

He could have turned her down for her bragging about her car or whatever... it is his prerogative who he goes out with. But to be judgmental of his match when she was honest with him just displays ignorance.
Like I said above, the OP cannot do anything about people who are carriers but do not know it. He could be in that same boat himself. However, he can act on information given by someone who most definitely has it. and the "it" is genital herpes, not cold sores, so I'm not sure why you're bringing that up.
 
 
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  July 7,2009, 2:38am
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You are such an incurable cynic, Fighter - just look at your name
Being a "partially curable romantic", who is a Lover rather than a Fighter, would probably work better for you on the dating scene.

But we should never change who we really are, just as long as we do not leave too many hurt feelings along the way to our ultimate goal of living on the Moon
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 7,2009 at 2:45am. Reason: Sexiest Ice Cream thread contains some phenomenal suggestions for cures of all kinds
 
 
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