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Avariel Avariel is offline
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6dle899 wrote :
Perhaps you were too harsh.

Maybe she contracted this from a dishonest person that she fell, for, hard.

Maybe the outbreaks would be rare and far between, and you could time it safely when you were intimate.

I don't know, really; you can do as you wish; but the person could be a wonderful match, and an innocent victim - and safe for the fun moments if it was timed well,

And you are treating her like a pariah, untouchable, a leper....

Supposing the tables turned, and it was YOU with this affliction?

What then?
I think the whole point of him turning her down was to KEEP the tables from turning on him, as you so aptly put it.

How can you even suggest that a healthy person risk their health for the sake of making someone who's sick feel better? I'm not that altruistic, and I would never risk my own body just because I felt bad that someone else was sick. As far as I can tell, he's not treating her like a pariah; he was kind, and honest with her, and he tried to send her in a direction that would probably lead to less dissapointment and possible success in finding a relationship partner. From what I've read, lepers used to be killed?

Thank you for the teenagey melodrama angst and "what if it were you" turn around, but I think we're all adults here, and we all know that if he persued a relationship with this woman he would either knowingly contract a life-altering disease, or be doomed to a sexless relationship with her. There is nothing character-strengthening about making a very bad choice for yourself.

OP, I think you let her down very gently and responsibly, and it was a good thing that she felt responsible enough to tell you before it even got close to the thing becoming physical.
- July 8th, 2009, 08:17 pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
A little while ago...

I was talking to a match via la telephono and the conversations were rather strange. The woman spoke of her B'mer; her business and how much $$$ she made last year. I thought why would someone reveal so much about themselves? Someone shouldn't have to try to sell them self so hard. I figured it out. On conversation 3ish she told me that she contracted genital herpes from an ex....

I thanked her for being responsible by telling me. I referred her to an incurable STD dating site. Mind you... incurable STD's are definately a deal breaker for me. Alright, any STD is a turnoff for me.

Has anyone here experienced the same thing regarding a disclosure such as this on eHarm?
We met at a restaurant, and... shortly after he took food off my plate with his fork-without my permission I might add- he informed me he had HEP C!!!! Yes, I realize what he did was not a likely mode of transmission, but I lost my appetite just the same.

Then, to add insult to injury, he tried to tell me that he had had some kind of secret mystery treatment, and that he was without a doubt 100% cured!
- July 8th, 2009, 09:05 pm
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Avariel Avariel is offline
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BSLS wrote :
We met at a restaurant, and... shortly after he took food off my plate with his fork-without my permission I might add- he informed me he had HEP C!!!! Yes, I realize what he did was not a likely mode of transmission, but I lost my appetite just the same.

Then, to add insult to injury, he tried to tell me that he had had some kind of secret mystery treatment, and that he was without a doubt 100% cured!
LOL!!!!

The "I found a Magic Lamp" line. Why, cruel fate, does it always seem to work?
- July 8th, 2009, 09:28 pm
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Mainah64 Mainah64 is offline
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I think the OP handled the situation well.

If a date had a bad habit such as smoking or excessive drinking, most of his critics would easily move on without thinking twice, even if those habits could be changed. Yet here is an incurable disease that he could very well contract and he is being cold-hearted?

Naaaa Smaht guy
- July 8th, 2009, 11:03 pm
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Mayne Mayne is offline
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treeye wrote :
it is simple. never had intercourse.

I don't want to judge ppl simply because they've stds. they could get it when they were young and not knowledgable. but if ppl don't see sex as casual as ppl today do,we wouldn't need to have this discussion here.

Well, there are more ways to catch an STD than just through intercourse... especially oral sex. Many young one have convinced themselves that isn't really sex (Bill Clinton said so).
- July 8th, 2009, 11:31 pm
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Mayne Mayne is offline
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Avariel wrote :
I think the whole point of him turning her down was to KEEP the tables from turning on him, as you so aptly put it.


Thank you for the teenagey melodrama angst and "what if it were you" turn around, but I think we're all adults here, and we all know that if he persued a relationship with this woman he would either knowingly contract a life-altering disease, or be doomed to a sexless relationship with her. There is nothing character-strengthening about making a very bad choice for yourself.
.
Actually, you're quite wrong. He would not be doomed to no sex vs. contracting a disease. He would have been faced with no sex vs the potential risk of getting it... and a small risk at that [edit: WITH proper precautions being taken]. I wouldn't begrudge someone for not wanting to take that small risk (and would probably have done the same thing in his shoes, but perhaps been more diplomatic with my words), but let's be accurate about the actual risks.
Last edited by Mayne; July 8th, 2009 at 11:50 pm.
- July 8th, 2009, 11:44 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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Mainah64 wrote :
I think the OP handled the situation well.

If a date had a bad habit such as smoking or excessive drinking, most of his critics would easily move on without thinking twice, even if those habits could be changed. Yet here is an incurable disease that he could very well contract and he is being cold-hearted?

Naaaa Smaht guy
I wouldn't dream of challenging the Smahtness, but I do have to question the coldness factor.

Excessive smoking and drinking are done by choice. In other words, a person chooses to engage in those behaviors and, by doing so, also chooses the consquences associated with that choice (eg. portential health, family, dating problems, etc).

When people contract Herpes, most of them do not even have a say in the matter. and in most cases it is NOT a consequence of choosing to sleep around (in case you were wondering). Most carriers of the virus do not even suffer active outbreaks themselves and are not even aware of the fact that they are a carrier until they infect someone in a monogamous relationship.

Cold? Yeah! Like a coldsore...
- July 9th, 2009, 02:43 am
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thoughtidsaysomething thoughtidsaysomething is offline
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have to admit I kinda felt that you were being a little rude with your statement at first then I thought about it and you dont have to live with what you dont want to. Its just a bummer for the person with it, its that added terrible part of having what she had is admitting it, moving on and trying to date. I think shes brave for trying and wish her the best. I also hope you were nice about it and dont catch yourself in the same boat as her aswell!!
- July 10th, 2009, 06:14 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is offline
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Most younger people do not realise how many people have minor incurable STD's.

I think that people in their 40's or 50's or older would think it more probable that a new partner would have contracted something somewhere along their lives so they would handle it quite differently. It would be far less of an issue. They probably would be more knowledgable on the subject than most younger people.

As we get older it becomes more & more of a reality in our sex lives.
- July 10th, 2009, 06:42 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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bigfincat wrote :
Most younger people do not realise how many people have minor incurable STD's.

I think that people in their 40's or 50's or older would think it more probable that a new partner would have contracted something somewhere along their lives so they would handle it quite differently. It would be far less of an issue. They probably would be more knowledgable on the subject than most younger people.

As we get older it becomes more & more of a reality in our sex lives.
And it's so lovely to have the unpredictable but ever so soft and purrry Cat around here...
- July 10th, 2009, 07:47 pm
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LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/26728-nice-but-im-not-into-incurable-stds.html
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Dating advice message board This thread Refback October 6th, 2009 12:57 pm
Eharmony thread on dating people with "Incurable STDS" - Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum This thread Refback July 17th, 2009 08:29 am
Eharmony thread on dating people with "Incurable STDS" - Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum This thread Refback July 16th, 2009 02:03 pm
Eharmony thread on dating people with "Incurable STDS" - Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum This thread Refback July 16th, 2009 01:32 am
Eharmony thread on dating people with "Incurable STDS" - Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum This thread Refback July 16th, 2009 12:00 am
Eharmony thread on dating people with "Incurable STDS" - Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum This thread Refback July 15th, 2009 09:31 pm
Eharmony thread on dating people with "Incurable STDS" - Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum This thread Refback July 15th, 2009 08:13 pm
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