What is this guy's deal?


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gardensunshine is offline gardensunshine Post #1  July 5,2009, 9:40am
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I had a crush on this guy and some friends of mine helped me get in touch with him. They gave him my number and tested the water to see if he might want to talk with me. He said he was interested and he'd call. I had his number but waited for him to make the first move. When he didn't call for 3 weeks, I assumed he wasn't interested. I told my friends he never called, he obviously wasn't interested and that I was rather disappointed. He found out, was upset, called me and even sent me flowers.

Thereafter, we spoke on the phone for hours and we really seemed to click. We agreed to go slow and go out. Since he has a business, he is very busy and limited for time, but assured me he'd "love" to go out with me. I put no pressure on him and waited. We still spoke on the phone regularly.

Fast forward a month and a half and still no date. I am still being told he is busy with work etc. and will be going away soon (on vacation!). I am advised he will be away for a month and we'll get together upon his return.

At this juncture, I realize that he obviously isn't interested in me, taking me out or anything else for that matter. This suspicion is confirmed when his sister informs my friend that he doesn't want a relationship. (He has no idea his sister provided this info).

Here is my question: Why the hell does a guy bend over backwards to show an interest, spend hours on the phone with a girl, say he would love to take you out and then the date never materializes? Why does a guy lead a girl on like this? I mean, supposedly, I am what he was looking for; attractive, educated, self supporting, great job, lives alone, makes excellent money, lives independently, has no debt and is highly intelligent. I am not a psycho, do not call or text constantly (I let him do most of the calling), was myself, had no specific expectations for the anything, just wanted to hang out and see how we meshed. All he told me was how tired he was of meeting women who were "bubble heads," became bored with them after a couple of months because they "ran out of things to talk about."
If a guy has someone who may hold good potential then why this demeanor? I am dumbfounded and angry.
Thank you for any insight.
 
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BradyMN is offline BradyMN Post #2  July 5,2009, 9:51am
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Maybe he is one of those guys that has an ego in which he doesn't want to be seen as the "bad guy". It sounds like you might have a number of common people in your life? If so, maybe he feels if he rejects you in an upfront manner, he looks like a jerk to all these people. So he does it in a passive manner and just hopes it slowly drifts away from people's thoughts.

Or maybe he simply just doesn't know what he wants despite his claims that he does.

But it is hard to say from my perspective. Trying to analyze a situation like that on a few paragraphs is tough.
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #3  July 5,2009, 9:51am
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He may be busy, but if this guy is spending hours on the phone with you, he's got time for a date.

just sayin'
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  July 5,2009, 10:01am

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I'm detecting some pressure. You said, you had a crush on him and your friends sort of orchestrated the two of you talking.

Right away he knew you were interested, cause your friends told him (most likely) and they also told him when you were upset...which resulted in flowers, which seems a bit MUCH. I mean, you hadn't even talked yet and I don't know how much you knew each other before.

But it sounds like you have built this up in your mind (and the flowers didn't help) to be a lot more than it is.....and I detect he may have felt pressure to talk to you, which no one likes.

I'd just wait, if he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, he doesn't. He is not the last man in the world....and he sounds a bit full of himself to boot. If he calls other women bubble heads then he sounds like the typical kind of guy that thinks he can date good looking women because he has money, and he probably thinks they are all bubble heads compared to his amazing smarts. He probably doesn't even get to know them....and they are probably young. Sure I'm just guessing, either way, you should not take it as a compliment that he thinks your not a bubble head....you should beware that he refers to his past dates as bubble heads. he is the one that picked them, and then says bad things about his own tastes in women.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #5  July 5,2009, 10:21am
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gardensunshine wrote :
I am what he was looking for; attractive, educated, self supporting, great job, lives alone, makes excellent money, lives independently, has no debt and is highly intelligent. I am not a psycho, do not call or text constantly
With this much on the ball, what do you care about one guy's reaction? There should be men standing in line with number in hand.

If not, I request the first number (also suggest that you fill out your profile).
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #6  July 5,2009, 10:34am
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I would be just as dumbfounded as you are at this. I can only speculate but I am going to have to agree with BradyMN, he didn't send you flowers till you told your friends you were upset, he doesn't want to come off as a jerk and perhaps he took the time on the phone in hopes of not looking like a jerk but he may just keep putting the date off until you get ticked off and stop talking to him.

If you want to be optimistic about it, I would think that maybe he is extremely busy I will disagree with redevil999, he may have time to talk on the phone while driving, shopping, doing laundry, when he is supposed to be working, etc. Then again, I will partly agree with her as surely if the guy runs his own business he can take a long lunch one day or have some time for a cup of coffee. If I was in the position where I worked long hours I might consider getting take out chinese (which at least to me eating chinese with a nice bottle of wine in a dark office seems a bit romantic -- if only for the fact that he took the time to make it happen).

You may never know the truth, I would move on and not worry about it too much. I have had problems in the past focusing all my attention towards one woman and when things didn't materialize it was a bit depressing. If I were you, I wouldn't get into that trap with this guy. If he wants to go out when he gets back from his Vacation than awesome, otherwise there will be another guy out there who does want to take you out.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #7  July 5,2009, 10:50am
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stevex wrote :
I would be just as dumbfounded as you are at this. I can only speculate but I am going to have to agree with BradyMN, he didn't send you flowers till you told your friends you were upset, he doesn't want to come off as a jerk and perhaps he took the time on the phone in hopes of not looking like a jerk but he may just keep putting the date off until you get ticked off and stop talking to him.
This is really what it sounds like to me, too. I'd just move on.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #8  July 5,2009, 11:28am
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1.) He was somewhat interested in the beginning;

2.) His inability to make a decision coupled with the flattery of the attention led him to drag on;

3.) He didn't want to make you feel bad when he finally made up his mind.
 
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simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #9  July 5,2009, 12:32pm
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Cool, a woman asking why a guy flaked out and not the other way around.

Why is it women have the prerogative of changing their minds and men don't?

It's funny because if some woman did that to me, I'd say it was par for course. It seems like something a woman would do and I'd move past it.
 
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gardensunshine is offline gardensunshine Post #10  July 5,2009, 2:06pm
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I agree that he felt pressured from people, including his parents. This is some of the info that was filtered back to me. I kindly asked that they all back off and let him be the one to pursue it or not. The last thing I wanted was someone to initiate contact due to pressure. It's unfair and put him in a precarious situation.

I asked him point blank if he was okay with our "arrangement" and he said he was. I told him that if he was uncomfortable then it was okay to tell me, because I didn't want him to be uncomfortable in ANY way. He said he was interested and okay with things. In my opinion, he is a liar and led me on.

Certainly, he has the choice to change his mind where anything in his life is concerned. I respect that wholeheartedly. However, what I do not condone is leading a person on, telling her how wonderful she is, making her believe he will take her out and it never materializes. That is playing with someone's emotions and heart.

I cannot trust what he says. He is close to his sister and she knows him better than anyone, he doesn't want a relationship. Had I known prior, I NEVER would have approached him or opened the door. Now, I just have to get over the disappointment and rejection and it sure does suck.

Thank you for the feed back.
 
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