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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

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txbubba wrote :
apparently a lot of people on eha thinks its ok to google their matches and dig up info on them under the guise of 'safety'. i disagree. if you don't trust someone on here, then don't go out with them.

there are lots of places on the internet you can go to get info on people. a lot of them are public and government sites and a lot of them are sites where you pay an organization to do the detective work for you.
Have to second you on this one. Even if the information is available I don't think it's ok to go dig things up. Also, if someone does not give you a phone number, by that they are also not giving you permission to call. If you go ahead and dig up the number uninvited and call, that is crossing a boundary that should not be crossed and there is nothing positive about it. I'm a little surprised by the number of posts on here who think this is fine.
- July 10th, 2009, 09:12 am
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legend29 legend29 is offline
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txbubba wrote :
apparently a lot of people on eha thinks its ok to google their matches and dig up info on them under the guise of 'safety'. i disagree. if you don't trust someone on here, then don't go out with them.

there are lots of places on the internet you can go to get info on people. a lot of them are public and government sites and a lot of them are sites where you pay an organization to do the detective work for you.
Ditto that!
- July 10th, 2009, 09:14 am
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SouthernChristian SouthernChristian is offline
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I don't think it's ok to call someone who hasn't given you his number, but if I had agreed to go on a first date with him I would have wanted to talk on the phone prior to going.
- July 10th, 2009, 09:26 am
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stevex stevex is offline
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Eh, he wanted to do something nice (i.e. leave you the welcome home message) for whatever reason you hadn't given him your number, he found it (by whatever means), left you a nice message. Nothing creepy and certainly nothing to worry about. Just enjoy the second date.
- July 10th, 2009, 09:50 am
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legend29 legend29 is offline
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inn wrote :
I met someone on-line a few weeks ago, we corresponded a few times and then met at a restaurant. We had a pleasant 4 hours and dinner was great.
I've been traveling a bit, so I've been in and out of the country a couple of times. He's emailed now and then. Before my last businesss trip he had asked for date #2. So, we're having date #2 on the 4th of July. It's all been set prior to me leaving, dinner at his place.
My question is, is that I've just returned back to the US yesterday, and today he called and left a message. The thing is, I never gave him my number.
Is this something I should be concerned about? I've checked him out and know people that used to work with him. So, from that point of view he's ok.
Need your advice please. Thanks!
This is scary... and borders on arrogant and rude. I would be concerned and back out of this one. He sounds like a man that feels it is okay to not only snoop on you, but also has a deep 'sense of entitlement' (narcissistic comes to mind)...and feels this is appropriate behavior...behavior that you should and will accept.

BTW: I am speaking from experience and actually wound up in a nine month relationship with a man like this. He called me one night after we had been communicating via e-mail and phone for about a month. I answered the phone and he says "Hi...guess where I am?" Yes....he was parked outside of my house, smiling from ear to ear and as charming as ever. I was younger and less dating/man savvy than I am now, and was flattered that he took the time to track me down. That night began a relationship with a megalomanic, controlling, sexist man ..one that was very difficult to get out of. I found out he was nothing like what he projected during the GTKY stage...what a master manipulator!

I'm not saying your 'friend' is like this at all. Just want you to trust your instincts...I would be very wary of a man like this!

Wish you well.....
Last edited by legend29; July 10th, 2009 at 10:38 am.
- July 10th, 2009, 10:33 am
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theweave theweave is offline
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I had a first date with a match (who did turn into a relationship) and wanted to send her something. I didn't have address but had her phone number so I did a reverse lookup and got her address and sent her teddy bear. I told her nothing about it coming and she phoned me the next night, I answered and she was like "How in the hell did you find me?" I told her "internet lookup", she was like OH! She loved it and we had six months together!

If you are still feeling good about him, than respect how sweet he is and go for it!

Good Luck!
- July 11th, 2009, 09:31 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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txbubba wrote :
apparently a lot of people on eha thinks its ok to google their matches and dig up info on them under the guise of 'safety'. i disagree. if you don't trust someone on here, then don't go out with them.
As does eHarmony! From "Dr. Warren's Message":

Dr. Warren wrote :
It is important to note that eHarmony does not perform background checks on its members. It is also important to note that our optional identity verification service, which is powered by our partner RelyID, is not a background check. We rely on the total honesty of our members when filling out the eHarmony relationship questionnaire to supply us with honest feedback such as Date of Birth, Marital Status, City and State of Residence, Occupation, Education Background and a myriad of additional items. Regardless of the connection you feel, we encourage you to do your own research before meeting in person. This can be anything from typing your match's name into a search engine, contacting your state or local municipalities to obtain public information, or using a paid service to obtain a full background report. Above all else, use common sense. Pay attention to the details someone shares and if you find anything that doesn't add up, follow your intuition and close the communication.
Whether people "agree" with it or not, it is something that eH actively encourages people to do as part of the process... Personally, I can't imagine going out with a stranger (and that's what your eH matches are) without checking them out in some way first.
- July 11th, 2009, 10:11 pm
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