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Josh_81 Josh_81 is offline
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28 years old
5'11"
178 lbs
Spanish Professor/Tutor


I decided I'd rewrite my post since it was way too long, and no one was responding must have been a bad sign.

I'm new to this forum and group, and I just wanted to say "hi" to everyone first.

I've joined eHarmony off and on with no success at all. Most of my matches close me, or at at most go as far as stage 2. I guess my biggest question is...how long do I have to wait or is there a point where I should just give up and accept that among the hundreds of matches, there is no one out there.

I have my faults, as I clearly wrote last time. I consider myself shy, introverted, and overly professor like when I'm working. I have been running to keep myself in shape, but not enough to post a shirtless photo.

I don't consider myself as low self-esteem, but I feel as though a myriad of signals could be turning women off to me.

I have no idea what my competition looks like on the other end. Still, I rarely get matches to respond, to even view me, and they close with "other."

Josh.

Last edited by Josh_81; July 4th, 2009 at 12:07 pm.
- July 3rd, 2009, 01:30 am
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Josh_81 Josh_81 is offline
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I must have clearly scared some people with my long post.

Probably should not have posted so much at all at once. Yet, I can't understand why so many of matches just close me with "other" listed.

When girls/guys close matches with "other" listed, what are the normal reasons people put that down?

Perhaps my profile picture isn't the greatest. I've never been photogenic; when people are taking pictures I usually try to hide behind someone or avoid the picture.
- July 4th, 2009, 11:59 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

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Don’t read too much into getting closed often; it happens to everyone.

Don’t write e-mails to women which are this big, as they are too big. Size might matter, but not here.

Can you think through your communication style? Could it be you come off too strong too soon?
- July 4th, 2009, 12:08 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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j0hn8andy .....a Flash in the Pan.....is Gone with the Wind.....

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Your pic here is OK. Nothing wrong with it. Don't go for the shirtless one, tho. Turn-Off! But that's just me...

I have seen where people actually post their Profiles here for others to critique. If you could take it. Sometimes people help you reword things, to put your best foot forward.

Take the profiles you like. What do you like about them? Humor? Variable interests? Compassion? Correct grammar? Whatever you like, showcase it in your own Profile.

Bottom line, you have to be honest. You won't get what you want any other way!

There is somebody out there for you. She's probably looking for you, too.
- July 4th, 2009, 01:12 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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Well, if you are a professor at 28, you must be doing something right!

And I can alsmost guarantee that the problem is with your profile and/or style of writing.

Women are emotional creatures and if you want them to keep reading, you need to appeal to emotions. And by that I certainly do not mean making them cry. I'd recommend humor above all others - every woman likes that, as long as it's subtle and actually funny.

A good profile translates important parts of your personality to your reader through words, but also leaves something to her imagination. I think they have some profile workshops around this site, I'm not an eH members, so I don't frequent those.

You may also size up your competition by browsing men's profiles on other sites (eg. match or yahoo), as I would presume that the usual brand of blandness and illiteracy spreads throughout all of them. I was on Match for 3 months, before I got so tired of receiving 99% of same-all, that I just cancelled my membership. On a rare occasion that I read non-text version of English, combined with some humor and imagination, I would respond, for sure.

And size does matter here - anything too short is usually just a list of some sort, which is not even worth reading (somehow I do not think this is your problem ); anything too long can be either overwhelming with too much information to process at once, or just boring, especially if no humor is used. Have I confused you yet?

Good luck!
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 4th, 2009 at 01:37 pm.
- July 4th, 2009, 01:34 pm
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Ron Ron is offline
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Ron is convinced that common sense is not very common.

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Whereas your picture is concerned, take a photo that clearly shows your face, and preferably outdoors--the lighting tends to be more even and will cast you more favorably. A shirtless photo is unnecessary.

Review your profile and make sure it presents a true and clear description of who you really are. Have a female friend/acquaintance or two go over it carefully and be open to their feedback.

Be patient, and try not to be discouraged when you are closed out (regardless of what stage of communication you are in). Don't rely on eH as the only vehicles towards meeting people; it should be one of several. Finally, focus on your professional pursuits and hobbies/activities that you genuinely enjoy and that make you happy.

Good luck!
- July 4th, 2009, 02:26 pm
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Bouffy Bouffy is offline
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Bouffy isn't as easy to see through as you think.

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This whole site is a big grind. More like casual entertainment than real dating.

However, having said that, there is real possibility available here.

How much energy are you willing to pour into your matches? Are you ready to outfit your profile and stomp the boards, possibly taking a hundred closed matches before getting one that sticks around?

Well, just have fun with it. It's like high stakes poker, just grind it out. Eventually, at some point there is going to be a match that jives and you'll connect and it'll be fun. It might be a long distance thing. It might just be talking on the phone, but don't loose heart.

It is what it is, albeit a little more high-tech than most... a dating site. You can do it!
- July 4th, 2009, 08:20 pm
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chrlesmd chrlesmd is offline
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I guess it depends on your view. Personally, I close out most of my matches but that's not to say that every match I communicate with ends up in a date or a relationship. Sometimes it just comes down to numbers.

As far as your profile goes, I would suggest giving an overall picture of who you are, but not too much detail. I think you want them leave them with a sense of curiosity so that they want to communicate with you. Hope that helps.
- July 4th, 2009, 08:32 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 I'm in love and always will be ... All that was there will be there still

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I have been doing the online dating thing off and on for 7 years. This time around I am nearing 2 years straight. Been on eHarmony for 1 1/2 years. It could be that I have more money than sense and am truly doomed. But I prefer to look on the positive side and just say that for (most) every one of my matches that closes me, they just don't know what they have missed out on.
- July 4th, 2009, 09:39 pm
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singinggirl singinggirl is offline
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Size might matter, but not here.


LOL
- July 4th, 2009, 09:46 pm
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