New to dating, need input.


Reply
  • Page 2 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #11  July 4,2009, 8:51pm
singinggirl's Avatar

Happy

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2008

Tennessee

Posts: 1,684

See profile

Josh,

You don't say how long you've been on. I think it's important to note that you probably won't find someone overnight. It may talke a little while. I was never on eH, but I was on match.com. To a degree, it is a numbers game IMO.

I'm not sure what everyone else thinks, but I don't want to see shirtless pics on anybody's profile. I don't know what it is, but I just don't like the idea of it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Josh_81 is offline Josh_81 Post #12  July 4,2009, 8:56pm
Josh_81's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Jacksonville, NC

Posts: 49

See profile

I have to thank everyone who posted. I'm glad you could give me some advice. Anyone who read the first post probably fell asleep at the details of the 5 page report.

I will do my best to look over my profile - to be honest, I've rewritten it about 3 times so far. Coming on strong with too much information right away has been a big problem for me.

I am one of those types, (and I don't know if this is because of my profession), where I feel as though all the cards should be on the table. Leaving something out makes me feel as though I'm not being honest with myself or giving the person all the facts they need. Of course what they need is new to me in relationships.

I worry myself to sleep about what certain hot button topics should be avoided during a date.So far my list consists of:

Marriage
Kids
Sex
How many boyfriends have you had.
saying "I love you"
saying "your my first date in 15 years"
asking her to pay for anything
falling into the trap of being interested in some topic I know nothing about.

--------------

I should really consider the mystery part something to work on if I got to the communication stage. I'm attracted to mysterious girls, but that's because they are all mysterious lol.

I've always been in the 3rd person mode of relationships, marriages, or divorces via movies or friends/relatives. With that omnipotent viewpoint, I have all the facts with no emotional ties; now that I'm going into world of relationships, it is unnerving. I have confidence, but my confidence has been on a professional not a romantic level.

In crowds, parties, and among friends...if there is a single girl involved I often turn into "Mr. Rodgers" as my students once called me. Married women are some of the easiest to talk to; they give me lots of advice, but its mostly advice for when I enter the married stage. I feel like all my relationship knowledge is not backwards compatible, if that makes any sense.

I know that if the person I'm interested in has mutual feelings, then we can find lots of things funny and comical; sadly, I feel as though I must be attracted to the wrong girls because the ones I like are obviously experts in the dating world. Some of them expect gifts or certain dating rituals to happen; since I'm such a newbie, I'm sure I'd miss one of those rituals and it be over before I knew it.

Another bad habit is that I worry or think too hard about things. You might not realize this, but I will spend hours typing this message out rather than just "spit it out".

------------

At times, I feel like the matches I'm getting are not real people or they leave me hanging when I send them 1st questions.

I view every match I get. Only 3 will view me, 10 will close me, and about 20 will never respond or close or view. Non-existent girls?

I'm staying within 150 miles for now.

Anyhow, good night and good 4th of July.

Josh.
 
  Reply With Quote
themeaningoflifeis___ is offline themeaningoflifeis___ Post #13  July 4,2009, 9:04pm
themeaningofl…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 51

See profile

I glanced at your eHarmony Advice profile, which maybe different than your real eHarmony profile, and had a few comments:

For your music section you noted: “Techno, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish, Arabic, Country, Rock, and Metal; just about anything but rap”. You like various music genres, so perhaps add a few of the artists that you like vs. just listing the genres.
[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][COLOR=blue]
 
  Reply With Quote
Josh_81 is offline Josh_81 Post #14  July 4,2009, 9:08pm
Josh_81's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Jacksonville, NC

Posts: 49

See profile

singinggirl,

I had a 3 month investment in Eharmony back in 2005. It went as far as 1 person almost to the email communication stage until she made it clear that she would be seeing other guys on the side. I stopped after it took 3 months to get her to respond to all the questions, and since she was the only one that responded, I just threw myself back into work and forgot about it.

I just renewed Eharmony 2 weeks ago on that slight hope that maybe things will be different. I live in a new place now.

Yes, it is probably too soon to say anything; I've been reading that people have multiple communications going in the forums. I get mostly closed or no responses.

Josh.
 
  Reply With Quote
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #15  July 4,2009, 9:16pm
singinggirl's Avatar

Happy

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2008

Tennessee

Posts: 1,684

See profile

Josh, I would make one other suggestion. If you are comfortable with it, have a friend or two look over your profile and make comments. I did this when I first signed up on match and it helped me alot. When I first signed up, I had not really dated in YEARS and had a really hard time figuring out what I wanted to say and how to say it. I had a couple of friends look it over and help me make some changes that I think showed who I was better than I was doing on my own.
 
  Reply With Quote
chrlesmd is offline chrlesmd Post #16  July 5,2009, 6:41pm
chrlesmd's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2007

Maryland, US

Posts: 538

See profile

Josh_81 wrote :
I have to thank everyone who posted. I'm glad you could give me some advice. Anyone who read the first post probably fell asleep at the details of the 5 page report.

I will do my best to look over my profile - to be honest, I've rewritten it about 3 times so far. Coming on strong with too much information right away has been a big problem for me.

I am one of those types, (and I don't know if this is because of my profession), where I feel as though all the cards should be on the table. Leaving something out makes me feel as though I'm not being honest with myself or giving the person all the facts they need. Of course what they need is new to me in relationships.

I worry myself to sleep about what certain hot button topics should be avoided during a date.So far my list consists of:

Marriage
Kids
Sex
How many boyfriends have you had.
saying "I love you"
saying "your my first date in 15 years"
asking her to pay for anything
falling into the trap of being interested in some topic I know nothing about.
Conversation on a date is sort of like a tennis match, you serve and volley. And if any of these topics come up, you can give a general answer, but you don't need to spill the entire truth so early on. For example, if she asks you about your dating life, you can just say that you haven't dated a lot recently because you've been focused on work. The point of meeting someone on a first date is to have fun and to see if there's any chemistry. Once you've established chemistry and an attraction, then you can get to know one another better.
 
  Reply With Quote
Josh_81 is offline Josh_81 Post #17  July 6,2009, 8:57am
Josh_81's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Jacksonville, NC

Posts: 49

See profile

Singinggirl,

Does this friend need to be a guy or a girl?

I changed my photo and rearranged my favorites so that they would not seem so unusual.

Plus, I went to PlentyofFish. I still feel that Eharmony has a better chance at matching me up with someone. I get a "Hot or Not" feeling from the site I mentioned. It's always good to see what others think of how I look, but looks are not everything. Plus, I get the feeling those people are not 100% honest. It always felt as though it were random guys posting pictures of hot models and trying to dupe other guys into doing God knows what.

I'd send an email or short message to some of my "double matches", and the responses were shallow or mechanical.

-------------

I hope that a special person out there would see me for more than just my picture, but I think it is an important part of the process to have photos.

This is one thing that bothers me about my matches on Eharmony; at least 1/3 of them have no photos and very short "about me" profiles. Why pay money and only do a small amount of effort?

Makes me think they take a backseat, passive stance at finding someone. I guess they expect some super hot guy to start a conversation with them, and ignore the rest. I've learned that rejection is a good thing; it is slowly teaching me about how others see myself and that at some point I will find the right person.

I'll try to get a friend to evaluate my profile soon.

Josh
 
  Reply With Quote
dreamingartist is offline dreamingartist Post #18  July 6,2009, 9:23am
dreamingartis…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 38

See profile

no photo and short description about everything means they signed up during the free weekend and have no money or time invested in the process. July4th was the free weekend, I have a few new matches that have no photo and short profiles... They probably won't go anywhere unless you communicate all the way to open in the 2 free days they are online,... it is what it is...
 
  Reply With Quote
stevex is offline stevex Post #19  July 6,2009, 9:30am
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile

Josh,

You seem to be on the right path overall, the only thing I can suggest is to take a step back. You and I appear to have one thing in common and that is the fact that we both are analytical people. I may be wrong, but it looks like you put a ton of thought into the process, I have had a tendency to do the same. I am slowly learning to take a back seat and be more passive. The one thing I like about eHarmony as opposed to other sites is that I can take a back seat. I get matches, and so far each of the matches I have communicated with have been fairly good matches, two of them though for whatever reason decided to stop communicating (though they never closed me). One apparently ended up with another guy and the current one has just begun. My point being, it may take several months before you are actually dating from the site.

As for advice about dating, with the right person you will feel at ease. Going on a date should be fun and not feel like a high pressure sales call. This has been said over and over and something that I am learning as I go along.

I wish you luck in your search.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #20  July 6,2009, 10:23am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,209

See profile

Have a female friend take a look at your profile and help you out with it. The reason that you need a female friend and not a guy is because your female friend knows what women are looking for and would also notice any potential red flags you may have that you are not aware of. If you feel really brave, you can always copy and paste your profile here and get some responses from the women on the boards about what can be changed or improved.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« What is this guy's deal? | Dating | Question... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Dating again after a LONG Break adt6679 Dating 4 January 11,2011 11:19am
Is There Something Dating Articles Aren't Telling Women? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 22 August 12,2009 9:04am
is online dating a good idea? ssluvtravel Dating 10 July 4,2009 8:38pm
What to Look For Before Elivating Dating to Relationship DennisWisconsin Dating 24 July 2,2009 6:31am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:00am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0