I have to thank everyone who posted. I'm glad you could give me some advice. Anyone who read the first post probably fell asleep at the details of the 5 page report.

I will do my best to look over my profile - to be honest, I've rewritten it about 3 times so far. Coming on strong with too much information right away has been a big problem for me.

I am one of those types, (and I don't know if this is because of my profession), where I feel as though all the cards should be on the table. Leaving something out makes me feel as though I'm not being honest with myself or giving the person all the facts they need. Of course what they need is new to me in relationships.

I worry myself to sleep about what certain hot button topics should be avoided during a date.So far my list consists of:

Marriage
Kids
Sex
How many boyfriends have you had.
saying "I love you"
saying "your my first date in 15 years"
asking her to pay for anything
falling into the trap of being interested in some topic I know nothing about.

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I should really consider the mystery part something to work on if I got to the communication stage. I'm attracted to mysterious girls, but that's because they are all mysterious lol.

I've always been in the 3rd person mode of relationships, marriages, or divorces via movies or friends/relatives. With that omnipotent viewpoint, I have all the facts with no emotional ties; now that I'm going into world of relationships, it is unnerving. I have confidence, but my confidence has been on a professional not a romantic level.

In crowds, parties, and among friends...if there is a single girl involved I often turn into "Mr. Rodgers" as my students once called me. Married women are some of the easiest to talk to; they give me lots of advice, but its mostly advice for when I enter the married stage. I feel like all my relationship knowledge is not backwards compatible, if that makes any sense.

I know that if the person I'm interested in has mutual feelings, then we can find lots of things funny and comical; sadly, I feel as though I must be attracted to the wrong girls because the ones I like are obviously experts in the dating world. Some of them expect gifts or certain dating rituals to happen; since I'm such a newbie, I'm sure I'd miss one of those rituals and it be over before I knew it.

Another bad habit is that I worry or think too hard about things. You might not realize this, but I will spend hours typing this message out rather than just "spit it out".

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At times, I feel like the matches I'm getting are not real people or they leave me hanging when I send them 1st questions.

I view every match I get. Only 3 will view me, 10 will close me, and about 20 will never respond or close or view. Non-existent girls?

I'm staying within 150 miles for now.

Anyhow, good night and good 4th of July.

Josh.

I glanced at your eHarmony Advice profile, which maybe different than your real eHarmony profile, and had a few comments:

For your music section you noted: “Techno, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish, Arabic, Country, Rock, and Metal; just about anything but rap”. You like various music genres, so perhaps add a few of the artists that you like vs. just listing the genres.

Some women may see “Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish, and Arabic”---and automatically think they do not have anything in common with you without even reading the rest of your profile.

Or change the order: Rock, Metal, Techno, Greek, and Spanish-----keep in mind your age group is early 20 to about 32, so most are probably listening to Rock, Pop, Rap, R &B and Country music that they hear on the radio, video shows or other music sites. A small group of people in your age group maybe listening to Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish, and Arabic.

For your interest section you noted: Computers, Spanish, Running, Travel, Foreign/Techno/Pop Music, reading, books.

Add movies and maybe change the order: Movies, listening to music, traveling, reading, running, computers and Spanish. This order may appeal to a larger group of women vs. having women stop reading after the first two.

Do you have other pictures on your eHarmony’s profile? If no, I would suggest that you have a few other pictures that are more causal and relaxed. Your current picture can be included in your profile, but maybe not as your main picture. Some people in your age group may see this picture as too serious looking.

If you joined eHarmony, to find your soul mate then be patient, and the right match will hopefully come along.

If you just want to get your feet wet by becoming more comfortable with the dating process, talking, emailing, hanging out or dating women more casually, then take a look at this website: http://www.plentyoffish.com --it is a free dating website. You can browse guys and girls profiles in your age group to get a better sense how your profile may be coming across---this website is very casual and laid back.

In my opinion, I would have to say that the eHarmony advice’s website is better with providing serious feedback and guidance compared to http://www.plentyoffish.com, so be careful who you ask advice from on this site.>>

I would also encourage you to have several outlets of connecting with women off line this could be through your interests/ hobbies. The more you are out doing things you like off line then you have a good chance of connecting with women who have the same interests which may put you in your comfort zone and help you with your shyness.



Good luck

singinggirl,

I had a 3 month investment in Eharmony back in 2005. It went as far as 1 person almost to the email communication stage until she made it clear that she would be seeing other guys on the side. I stopped after it took 3 months to get her to respond to all the questions, and since she was the only one that responded, I just threw myself back into work and forgot about it.

I just renewed Eharmony 2 weeks ago on that slight hope that maybe things will be different. I live in a new place now.

Yes, it is probably too soon to say anything; I've been reading that people have multiple communications going in the forums. I get mostly closed or no responses.

Josh.