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DIVINE_DESIGNS7 DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is offline
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I would want a man with his stuff together as an equal just as I am. Do men only want women that need to be rescued emotionally and financially, like they need to be fixed? That is so not who I am. Being independent and not just needy is a good thing in my mind. I know men need to feel needed but to what extent? In my common sense thinking, I would imagine a man would want an independent woman that works hard as I do. Another thing is that I always felt that its a plus that I don't have kids. Do men prefer women with kids?
- July 2nd, 2009, 10:17 pm
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kimberlynicole27 kimberlynicole27 is offline
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I think it just depends on the guy. Yes, in general, men are fixers. They need tasks. They need to be needed. But, to what extent... depends on who he is. I would think a majority of men want a women with their s**t together. Independent like you said. And good for you for being that kind of girl. Someone's who's strong, focused, and well-rounded. Maybe it's the kind of guys you're naturally (subconsciously) attracted to.. the fixers? And if it is that way, then that's when we do the soul-searching lol. 'What is it about me that I'm attracting these particular guys....?' If that answers your question And the kids thing... I think it's the same... depends on the guy.
- July 2nd, 2009, 10:36 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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DIVINE_DESIGNS7 wrote :
I would want a man with his stuff together as an equal just as I am. Do men only want women that need to be rescued emotionally and financially, like they need to be fixed? That is so not who I am. Being independent and not just needy is a good thing in my mind. I know men need to feel needed but to what extent? In my common sense thinking, I would imagine a man would want an independent woman that works hard as I do. Another thing is that I always felt that its a plus that I don't have kids. Do men prefer women with kids?
I don't want to rescue a woman. At my age I would prefer a girl that who does not have children living at home.
- July 2nd, 2009, 10:51 pm
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simpletonHeart70 simpletonHeart70 is offline
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I think there are some emotions that tie men to women whom need help. I dont think men necessarily go looking for the woman in distress. And typically the women that turn out to be head cases that need constant "saving" become too burdensome and men try to dump them just to get away.

It's hard to explain but I do think it's in men's natural makeup to take care of a woman. And there's a strong emotional bond that forms when a man does that. It's kind of twisted, especially when women take advantage of it and ride that poor boy for all he's worth.

As for women with kids, I would guess the majority of men would prefer not to deal with another man's children.
- July 2nd, 2009, 10:56 pm
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GreatGuy38 GreatGuy38 is offline
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While I can only speak for myself, I’m much more attracted to an independent woman. If a woman has children, for me, it is important that she has taken the time to establish herself to a point where she doesn’t need a man, but is interested in being in a relationship which compliments her lifestyle. As far as “saving” with time and maturity I’ve come to recognize that no one person can save another who hasn’t taken steps to save herself (or himself).
- July 3rd, 2009, 12:15 am
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lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
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i think men are happy enough to step in with financial aid. emotional rescue - that they don't do period. as for kids, i suspect many want to see some sign of competency in that area.
- July 3rd, 2009, 12:46 am
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KungFuFtr KungFuFtr is offline
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Only the codependent ones...
- July 3rd, 2009, 01:00 am
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Luv2RideHorses Luv2RideHorses is offline
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I think some men are intimidated by a self-reliant woman. Others wouldn't have it any other way. The men who want to "rescue" women also want to "control" them. I guess that's why I'm single. I won't be controlled. (Had enough of that in my first and only marriage).
- July 3rd, 2009, 01:02 am
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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I can tell you that your common sense thinking is wrong.

The problem is you think success is what us guys are grading you on as potential significant other material, when in reality it's only a small percentage.

You say you're independent and work hard. That's all fine and dandy, but where are all those other qualities that we're looking for in a mate?

I'm going to go with Steve Harvey's answer on what we need in a woman. Love, support, and "the cookie". If you haven't read his book, it's funny and fairly accurate as well.
- July 3rd, 2009, 04:16 am
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chawks64 chawks64 is online now
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Mr_Right wrote :
I can tell you that your common sense thinking is wrong.

The problem is you think success is what us guys are grading you on as potential significant other material, when in reality it's only a small percentage.

You say you're independent and work hard. That's all fine and dandy, but where are all those other qualities that we're looking for in a mate?

I'm going to go with Steve Harvey's answer on what we need in a woman. Love, support, and "the cookie". If you haven't read his book, it's funny and fairly accurate as well.
This is a really good point. I think a man who is mentally and emotionally healthy is looking for a woman can financially take care of herself, but that doesn't always mean the traditional definition of "successful". That's more of something a woman looks for in a man. Yes, I'm stereotyping, but I'm talking about cultural norms here, not individual preferences.

There are things you have to give up and personality traits usually required for a woman to be a success in the business world. Some men may find these attractive and others, well, not so much. It just depends on the man and his priorities.

Some men truly are looking for someone to "rescue", and that's not healthy. It only works when the woman is helpless, so any personal growth on her part threatens his role in the relationship. Been there, done that, got the divorce decree.

On the other hand, a lot of men find the nurturing side of a woman to be attractive, and that's difficult to be in the competetive, hard-driving business world. So it seems to be all about personal balance and finding someone who has the same outlook as you do. You just can't please everyone.

BTW, I sometimes have the opposite problem. Since my job doesn't pay the big bucks (and it sounds like it pays even less than it does), guys tend to think MY motives are to be "rescued". And there's really no way to prove them wrong other than time and learning more about me.
- July 3rd, 2009, 06:13 am
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Men - are you put off by independent women? - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice This thread Refback July 20th, 2009 08:08 am
Men - are you put off by independent women? - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice This thread Refback July 11th, 2009 07:26 pm

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