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55Production 55Production is offline
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You got it right. They (men) are hard-wired to 'rescue'. I'm amazed at the numbers that will TELL you they don't like it, but peek into their past and they are filled with women they 'rescued'. They complain, but they find another one just like her! Successful, independent scares them. Here's an easy way to put them at ease. I discovered it by accident. I twisted my ankle and could barely walk. I was in the middle of grass with no where to sit. All of a sudden I was 'helpless' and he was 'rescuing' and he was at ease and happy as a clam. I'll be twisting my ankle on purpose in the future! I couldn't believe how any type of 'rescue' seems to turn them on. So, yeah, I'm suggesting feign injury or something of that nature so that you appear to 'need' him which is what seems to turn them on!
- July 16th, 2009, 04:00 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Asking a man for help you legitimately need is reasonable, and probably a good idea in most cases (provided you do not appear to be taking advantage – i.e., make sure you reciprocate.)

Accepting assistance when you genuinely need it is also reasonable, and should not cause a problem (unless it is so frequent as to reveal a lack of basic competence.)

Feigning incapacity in order to manipulate your partner is risky. I do not take at all well to attempts at manipulation, and have never kept a partner once I detected manipulation.

Playing an overwrought gender role of the helpless women may indeed work with some men (I think caricatured gender roles can be an effective strategy), though I do not personally like them.

Also, any of the above can result in the man becoming controlling, since you are clearly incapable.
- July 16th, 2009, 04:25 pm
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legend29 legend29 is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Continuing along this line of thought.....maybe the appeal of 'rescuing' a woman is for a man to feel appreciated. It may very well not be the actual act of 'rescuing' the woman...but the feeling of being appreciated and even needed. A man can be made to feel appreciated without rescuing a woman....but that is one way in which he's likely to get these feelings. It's hard to know what women mean when they say they are 'independent'....but if this includes a man not feeling appreciated and of great value in a relationship he may look for these feelings elsewhere.
Good point!

Though I am highly independent and financially secure, I tend to need rescuing all the time because I am also extremely absent-minded. I lock myself out of my house and/or car at least several times a year...always forgetting things, need constant reminders and sticky notes.

When I am at work, or happily examining/evaluating data, or writing research papers, I am very focused. But I am the original nutty professor, and would forget my head if it wasn't attached to my neck!

Thus, men always see me as someone that needs rescuing...from myself! I hate that, and try as hard as I can to stay focused on everyday activities and not move so fast... so that I can remember things.

So....I have come to the conclusion that independent women can make a man feel appreciated if we are klutzes..or as one poster stated, sprain an ankle every so often! (lol)
Last edited by legend29; July 16th, 2009 at 04:32 pm.
- July 16th, 2009, 04:26 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is offline
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To me, an independant woman that works a lot tends to be very stressed.

I do have stress but I am very good at dealing with my own stress. I am in a very good mood 90 percent of the time.

Life is way too fun for there to be a whole lot of stress. Many people put that on themselves.

If I have a choice, then I'd pick the less stressed person to be with any day of the week.
- July 16th, 2009, 04:35 pm
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Men - are you put off by independent women? - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice This thread Refback July 20th, 2009 08:08 am
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