Forgive me for asking, but I've not dated for 10 yrs and need expert help!


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VolChick is offline VolChick Post #1  July 2,2009, 7:30pm
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Hope the thread title got your attention. Truthfully, this question is incredibly simple and pertains to frequency of phone calls in the beginning stages of dating. Background: I took a major hiatus from dating while I, as a single mom, raised my adopted son over 10 years ago. I only recently got back into the "adult" world 8 months ago. Now that I've been dating quite a bit, I have a stupid question for which I need some guidance::::: Is there a "norm" for phone calls that I should be expecting with the guy I'm dating? (Background: I've been seeing a terrific guy for over a month. We text or e-mail every day, but he only calls around every 2-3 days.) Again, please don't criticize me for this stupid question, but I have not been in the dating world for over 10 years (up until 8 months ago)!

He's in the middle of training for a new job, so I totally understand his inaccessibility during the workday, but I'm just trying to figure out if "voice-to-voice" phone calls every 3 days seems weird. To me, it's OK because I'm in human resources and am on the phone or listening to employees nearly 8+ hours a day....so a little silent time is good for me!

Please don't chew me up and spit me out over this elementary question. I am trying to avoid the usual "analysis paralysis" that I suffer in situations like this. Thanks in advance for your (positive) support and guidance.

P.S. These forums are terrific. You guys are way more insightful than the "paid" sites.
 
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VolChick is offline VolChick Post #2  July 2,2009, 7:42pm
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Just to add for clarification.....I know how to date, I just don't know how you define 2-3 days' absence of phone time when you're dating! Maybe I'm just nuts!
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #3  July 2,2009, 7:46pm

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VolChick wrote :

Please don't chew me up and spit me out over this elementary question. I am trying to avoid the usual "analysis paralysis" that I suffer in situations like this. Thanks in advance for your (positive) support and guidance.

P.S. These forums are terrific. You guys are way more insightful than the "paid" sites.
Ha! You have been reading the forums! He! He!

I would not sweat it. I think some people just use the phone for a specific purpose - to set up plans. I don't know a lot of men (some - yes) that like to talk on the phone just because.

I think if you guys are still seeing each other then you have nothing to worry about.

And welcome to the boards!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 2,2009, 7:47pm
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I think the correct amount of time on the phone is whatever the two of you are comfortable with. He seems to want every few days. If you are OK with that (as you seem to be) that certainly works for me!

When I was working I too was on the phone all day, every day. To this day I still dislike talking on the phone; it's been almost 10 years. It's hard to believe I could go for hours on the phone in my teens!

When you fall in love, of course, and can't get enough of each other, the phone calls will increase. You probably won't mind it so much then.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #5  July 2,2009, 7:47pm
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Hi VolChick!

I don't think it's a crazy question. After my divorce, I didn't date for about 6 years so I had to learn the whole thing again, too.

If that amount of calling works for you, then it's fine, I think. My bf & I don't necessarily talk every day on the phone. We both travel some for work & spend alot of time on the phone most days and, by the end of the day, both feel the need for some quiet time. Plus, I still have 2 kids at home who always seem to desperately need something when I'm on the phone with anyone. As long as you're happy, I think you're good!

BTW, welcome to another TN girl!
 
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VolChick is offline VolChick Post #6  July 2,2009, 7:56pm
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OMG - you guys are GOOD!!!! So far, your answers have totally summed up my initial reaction...which is to leave everything alone. Now here's another question.....what if he's online on another dating web site for a couple of hours each night? Should that "mean anything"?

I seriously DON'T mean to sound like such a namby-pamby on here, but I really have gotten attached to him. Perhaps he's just scouring the waters for women who don't exist in reality (I do believe a ton of guys on here do so for the "ego-fulfilling" prophesy....it makes them feel more manly even if they never intend to follow through)....

But what if he's got another connection on line? How exactly do I find that out? Or do I even EVER find that out?

I'm so sorry for sounding like a blog virgin........

Me
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #7  July 2,2009, 8:06pm
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How do you know he's online on another dating site every night? Just wondering...
 
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Axmac is offline Axmac Post #8  July 2,2009, 8:08pm
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I had the same issue.
but i met him at his work.
he doesnt do internet stuff...like he doesnt have it at his house. so i know thats not an issue, but sometimes i will go 3-4 days without talking to him...
its weird.
and its important to me that if at all possible i talk to him just once a day. i think it makes me insecure, when he doesnt speak to me....i dont know.

but i understand where you're coming from.
 
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VolChick is offline VolChick Post #9  July 2,2009, 8:09pm
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I know he's on another web site because the site I'm on (pof.com) shows whos's online....unlike any of the others. So it's pretty idiot-proof. If it says he's on-line, then he's on-line.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #10  July 2,2009, 8:10pm
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Welcome to the boards, VolChick, and congratulations on meeting a great guy!

Your question is far from stupid. In fact, every relationship is different, so the amount and frequency of communication may change with each dating situation you encounter.

To be honest, though, you're still in the very early stages of dating this person. So, I don't think calling every 2 or 3 days is abnormal at all. It means you both have a life! I would be more worried if you were communicating 24/7.

The goal is simply to stay connected, and to continue getting to know each other and grow together. In short, whatever you're comfortable with, communication-wise, is okay.

If you want to talk to him more often, give him a call. If you're not sure how he feels about it, ask him.

My guess is that he's comfortable with the amount of communication that you currently have. As time goes on, one or both of you, may want to increase this. Just talk to each other about it.

Remember, there's no rush. Getting to know each other isn't a race. Also, more time between phone calls, means that you will have more to share, about your daily life, when you do talk.

One last thing... not everyone likes to talk on the phone, so every 2 or 3 days, sounds pretty good to me!

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
 
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