would you continue to date a guy who wants you to argue with him?


View Poll Results: Should i go on a second date with a guy who WANTS me to argue with him or insult him?
Yes, you like him dont you? 0 0%
Yes, but ask him why he wants you to do that. 0 0%
No, its one step towards him being emotionally abusive towards you. 6 75.00%
No, but him why he wants you to do that. 2 25.00%
Voters: 8. You may not vote on this poll

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SpyderAlice is offline SpyderAlice Post #1  July 2,2009, 5:49am
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OK, I'm currently kinda sorta dating a guy i met on a different site(and yes i have a eharmony account i just don't rally us it). anyway, we only had on date which was a few weeks ago, and have had to reschedule our second date (which is next friday) however we keep in contact by phone. and from some reason as of late, he's trying to gt me to argue with him, by making him mad on pourpose. However i'm constantly tryinig to tell him thats NOT who i am, i dont like arguing with people, and i dont want to become one of those girls who ends up being a b**** and wants to insult the person their with just for the heck of it.

basically what im asking is should i cancel my 2nd date with him, and cut off contact with him? or stick it out, and just argue with him as wishes.
 
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SpyderAlice is offline SpyderAlice Post #2  July 3,2009, 2:15am
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  July 3,2009, 3:54am
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No, go with your gut. What does your gut tell you?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  July 3,2009, 4:47am
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Argumentativeness is the tip of the iceberg here. It signals anger, arrogance,the need to be right, at your expense. Some pompous jackasses think they are "debating", but it's really pontificating. You also see high levels of argumentativeness in mood disorders such as Bipolar Disorder and personality disorders ,such as Narcissistic.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #5  July 3,2009, 4:53am
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SpyderAlice wrote :
OK, I'm currently kinda sorta dating a guy i met on a different site(and yes i have a eharmony account i just don't rally us it). anyway, we only had on date which was a few weeks ago, and have had to reschedule our second date (which is next friday) however we keep in contact by phone. and from some reason as of late, he's trying to gt me to argue with him, by making him mad on pourpose. However i'm constantly tryinig to tell him thats NOT who i am, i dont like arguing with people, and i dont want to become one of those girls who ends up being a b**** and wants to insult the person their with just for the heck of it.

basically what im asking is should i cancel my 2nd date with him, and cut off contact with him? or stick it out, and just argue with him as wishes.
You've answered your own question. This isn't who you are. You don't have to be pushed into being someone you're not, and you don't enjoy going against who you are.

You've told him verbally about that, and if he has persisted, he has not respected your words. Will your actions back up your words?

Think about it this way: you're in some superstore, and a woman's children are running around shrieking, messing with the merchandise, and generally being disruptive to everyone in earshot. Mother keeps saying "Stop it! Be quiet! Come back here or we'll have to leave!" She unfortunately disappoints all the other shoppers, and shows her children that she doesn't mean this by continuing to shop and just adding to the noise with her own yelling. Message to the kids: "do anything you want, I won't really stop you."

You know who you are, which is a good thing. Are you going to trash what you like about yourself for someone you "kinda sorta" dated once?

good luck to you, k?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #6  July 3,2009, 5:24am
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simplemind wrote :
Think about it this way: you're in some superstore, and a woman's children are running around shrieking, messing with the merchandise, and generally being disruptive to everyone in earshot. Mother keeps saying "Stop it! Be quiet! Come back here or we'll have to leave!" She unfortunately disappoints all the other shoppers, and shows her children that she doesn't mean this by continuing to shop and just adding to the noise with her own yelling. Message to the kids: "do anything you want, I won't really stop you."
Ooooh, I just HATE that!

Anyway, there are some people that like to have (sometimes heated) intellectual debates, and they really do enjoy the mental calisthenics of it. That's NOT what this sounds like. This seems more like emotional drama and stress, which is very unhealthy. It almost sounds like either an adrenaline junkie or the product of a dysfunctional home. Either way, is this really how you want to live? This is supposed to be where you feel comfort and safety and happiness, not constant drama.

It's not like you have a huge investment in this. And, if you're honest with yourself, you already know what to do.
 
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Jayne is offline Jayne Post #7  July 3,2009, 5:26am
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I would tell him thanks for asking me out again but I'll have to pass because mature, emotionally healthy grown ups don't badger people into arguing with them. I want to date people who are interesting and fun to be with not someone who wants to argue.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #8  July 3,2009, 6:04am
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I'm the same way...really dislike arguing. I dated a man who I really cared about but he was very arrogant. He argued with me about everything and always thought he was right even when he had no clue about the subject. A lightbulb finally went off in my head. It was the same disrespectful relationship I had with my ex husband. He was always sure that he was superior to me.

After that I made a concerted effort to choose men who treated me with dignity and respect. Hope you'll do the same.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  July 3,2009, 6:26am
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ALL OF THE ABOVE!

With special insight kudos to Wise,Simple,Marilyn...
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  July 3,2009, 11:30am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Argumentativeness is the tip of the iceberg here. It signals anger, arrogance,the need to be right, at your expense. Some pompous jackasses think they are "debating", but it's really pontificating. You also see high levels of argumentativeness in mood disorders such as Bipolar Disorder and personality disorders ,such as Narcissistic.
Pontificating = a great word
I agree with Wiseman2, and I'm always telling my kids, "there are more important things than being right."
 
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