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coastalmom coastalmom is offline
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I need some feedback on whether or not I'm way off base. I don't think so, but I guess I can't always be right. I recently went on a first date with someone after several weeks of phone conversations that went really well. I have 2 teenage kids, and only date when I don't have them. I explained this to my date, as he was pressing me to meet the kids (seemed kindof odd that he was making a big deal out of announcing to them that I was out with him.) He asked several questions as to whether I had told them about our date, or him specifically, and if not, why was I hiding it. I don't involve my kids in my dating life, and told him that. I explained that I wanted to be the stable home in their lives, as it wasn't that way at their dad's. He flat out told me I was wrong, which seemed ridiculous coming from a man in his 40's with no children of his own. He has also told me I'm too involved in their lives and activities. Is it me or him that is way off base??
- June 30th, 2009, 02:33 pm
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stevex stevex is offline
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If I read this right, it sounds to be like the guy is a fruit case. First off, I don't see why it matters to him if your kids know about him or not, nor do I understand him wanting to meet them or even him telling you that you were wrong for anything. Best advice, ditch the guy.
- June 30th, 2009, 02:37 pm
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coastalmom coastalmom is offline
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Thanks stevex, that advice coming from a guy helps. I almost got the impression he was already trying to stake his claim or something, and wanted everyone and everyone to be aware of his presence in my home. Yep, don't need that.
- June 30th, 2009, 02:51 pm
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tjlpd tjlpd is offline
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You barely know the guy and he wants to meet your kids and give you advice (when he is not even a parent??) You are right to want to provide a stable home for your kids. He sounds a bit controlling. I agree with stevex-ditch the guy.
- June 30th, 2009, 02:51 pm
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AustinShaguar AustinShaguar is offline
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From the limited amount of information you gave on the situation I would have to say you are 100% right and he is wrong. Time to look for another date because he just doesn't get it.

Some people may tell you he doesn't know what he is talking about because he doesn't have children. This may or not be the case but from someone who has no children I can tell you I am often frustrated when my friends complain about their children but won't accept good advice from me. Why?...because I don't have children therefore my point is not valid in their opinion.

You seem to have your priorities in line and you are protecting your children from heartache they don't need to be a part of so early in your search for your SO. Good job!
- June 30th, 2009, 02:54 pm
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coastalmom coastalmom is offline
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Non parents are allowed their opinions too Looking back of some of our converstaions, I think there were a few hints at controlling behavior that I didn't pick up on. Why do I always find those guys? Anyways, thanks for your opinions. You backed up what I kind of already new.
- June 30th, 2009, 03:07 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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He certainly had no empathy for you, if he couldn't see why you wanted to keep men away from your children until it was serious.

My hunch? He was controlling, would have been bossing your kids around, telling them what to do, driving them out of their minds, perhaps even worse in no time!

Takes all kinds, huh?
- June 30th, 2009, 07:42 pm
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singinggirl singinggirl is offline
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Have to say I agree with everyone else. I'm a single mom, too, and I don't introduce my kids to a man until we've gotten to the point where I feel that it's getting serious and going somewhere. If nothing else, it keeps my kids from getting hurt.
- June 30th, 2009, 09:21 pm
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Michael1974 Michael1974 is offline
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#1) He wants to meet the kids this soon? #2) He says you're too involved in their lives?

That is just insane.

Some women prefer to hang out with a guy a number of times before allowing him to meet her children. I'd say that is the best approach ... far better than a guy pressing to meet them. Again - insane.
- June 30th, 2009, 09:33 pm
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coastalmom coastalmom is offline
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Brief update. Checked my voicemail this evening, and had several missed calls from him. He appears to be a controlling person, and seems to want to be involved in all aspects of my life after one date. The messages were along the lines of "where are you, what are you doing, did you tell all your friends about our date, where are you, did you tell your family all about me, where are you?" What happened to those 29 dimensions of Eharmony compatibility??
- June 30th, 2009, 10:00 pm
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