Single mom dating question


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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #11  June 30,2009, 9:10pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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LOL Ladies & Gentlemen, we have a winner!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #12  June 30,2009, 9:12pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Let me share a bit of the philosophy from Steve Harvey on the subject of when to meet the children. Chapter 12 "If he is meeting the kids after you decide he is "the one", it is too late". "What's most likely to happen is your follow the time honored single mom tradition of dating a guy, all the while keeping him as far away from the home life as possible, ... partly because you don't want to introduce your kids to any man unless you're absolutely, 100 percent sure that he's in it for the long haul. ... You can't become emotionally attached to this man and make some kind of verbal or, especially physical commitment to him, and finally drag him to the house only to find out he doesn't like your kids, and your kids don't like him."

Now words from me. You and your kids are a package deal and it does not matter how old they are. Even if they are married and have children of their own they will be visiting and you will be visiting them. Are you going to tell your man "my son is coming home from college for the summer, I can't be seeing you until he returns to school"? Or you have married children and they are coming to visit for a week, are you going to say "honey you are going to have to move out for a week because my daughter and son in law are coming to visit". Not if you expect to keep this guy around.

Now in your particular situation I would be concerned as to why he is bring this up before, during or just after the first date. But you get 6 or 8 dates and a few weeks down the road you might start to think about introducing him around to friends and family. And why on God's green earth would you be hiding the fact that you are dating from anyone? Unless maybe you are not actually single.
 
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coastalmom is offline coastalmom Post #13  June 30,2009, 9:17pm
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is at work.

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Ha. I am single, 11 years now. The ink is way dried on the divorce decree. I'm not hiding the fact that I'm dating from anyone. I was just taken aback by him wanting to know if after one date I'd called up all my girlfriends that evening and discussed him. I did that back in junior high.
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #14  June 30,2009, 9:19pm
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bye all

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He has no right to tell you how to raise your kids and yes you have all the right in the world to be active in all aspect of your kids lives. This guy would be no good for you, what if you can't see him because one of your kids has an activity or something, how would he react then. Even if your on a date and your kids calls and need you, he should understand and say we can pick this up another time, this guy won't. I have kids and I have been divorced 9 years, they only met 2 women I dated and one of them I was engaged to. You don't want to be introducing your kids to everyone you meet only the ones you feel are going to be a possible relationship. First date, never, second date, never, should I go on. This guy went way over bounds here. You were not hiding anything, your a parent, he has not clue. Big red flag here that will only get worse, don't date him and I sure would voice my opinion to him about this. Sure you can tell your kids you going out on a date if you want but you don't have to give details about the guy and if he expects you to, well, no way, no how, bye. There must have been some clue to this kind of behavior while you were talking, if not, maybe you need to modify your questions when you get to know someone, sorry.
Last edited by tommyboy047; July 2,2009 at 1:26pm.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #15  June 30,2009, 9:19pm
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coastalmom wrote :
Is it me or him that is way off base??
It is him that is way off base. You sound like a good Mom -- don't worry about it another minute. Good luck!
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #16  June 30,2009, 9:23pm
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stevex wrote :
If I read this right, it sounds to be like the guy is a fruit case.

Or he could be a head cake.
Last edited by lacedwithhope; June 30,2009 at 9:24pm. Reason: Sorry, I just thought Stevex's description was really funny!
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #17  June 30,2009, 9:33pm
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Okay mark this down as one of those rare occasions where I'm going to have to side with the woman over the man

It is crazy to be putting pressure on you after just one date to meet the kids. Before I'd introduce someone to my kids I would have to have more than one date, and I'd have to feel like there is some very good potential there.

On another note I do agree that a single parent shouldn't wait too long before introducing their kids. If you feel like someone has strong long term potential then you're going to want to see how they interact with the children and how they are in a family setting. When you're directly interacting with someone it is sometimes hard to pick up on certain things, but when you're standing back and watching them interact with others then it's easier. You can watch body language and facial expressions and get an idea if this is someone that would be at ease around children and would be a good fit for your whole family.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #18  June 30,2009, 9:45pm
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waltercl wrote :
Okay mark this down as one of those rare occasions where I'm going to have to side with the woman over the man

It is crazy to be putting pressure on you after just one date to meet the kids. Before I'd introduce someone to my kids I would have to have more than one date, and I'd have to feel like there is some very good potential there.

On another note I do agree that a single parent shouldn't wait too long before introducing their kids. If you feel like someone has strong long term potential then you're going to want to see how they interact with the children and how they are in a family setting. When you're directly interacting with someone it is sometimes hard to pick up on certain things, but when you're standing back and watching them interact with others then it's easier. You can watch body language and facial expressions and get an idea if this is someone that would be at ease around children and would be a good fit for your whole family.
And... Holy Carp! I agree with your post 100%!!!
Wow, you'd think it was 2012 or something...
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #19  July 1,2009, 9:52am
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This guy is so far off base he could not find first base if you led him to it. In today's world kids tend to be involved in a lot of extracirricular activities which requires the parents for transporting them to and from plus in some cases the parents end up helping out the team leader or coach.

I would dump this guy asap and move on to better pastures.
 
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