longsocks is offline longsocks Post #1  June 30,2009, 7:44am
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Or maybe I should say third chances?

I went on two dates with a guy well over a month ago. I didn't feel enough of a connection to want to continue to pursue what would be a long distance thing with both of our schedules quite busy. I called him and thanked him for our dates, but told him that I wasn't interested in taking things any further. He seemed to accept my decision, thanked me for calling, and we both went on our merry ways.

Or so I thought.

This morning I opened my inbox to find an email from him telling me that he would like another chance.....that he was nervous and weird and awkward for our first two dates and would like to see me again to have a chance to be more himself. He made a point of writing that he hoped the email didn't come across as stalkerish, but that he hoped it was less intrusive than a phone call (because he doesn't remember my number, anyway ).

I'm inclined to politely turn him down again, but I know a lot of people don't think you can really know someone in just a couple of short meetings. Or would it be a good idea to go out with him again and give him his requested chance?

Maybe I'm just thinking out loud, but I would love to hear some opinions from the peanut gallery on second (or third) chances.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #2  June 30,2009, 7:55am
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Since you already realize that you really can not get to know a person if one or two dates I would give this guy his chance. It is going to take you pulling him out of the closed box you now have him in and putting him in a pending box mentally. This may be a challenge but give it a try. Go out on the date with an open mind and a mind set that I am going to enjoy myself. In some cases after just one date you know this guy is not for me as something they said or did my creep you out. Good luck
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 30,2009, 8:30am
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I think that our first impressions tend to be fairly accurate when it comes to chemistry. When you don't feel it, you just don't feel it and neither one of you can change it. Early on, a relationship should not feel like work.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  June 30,2009, 8:41am
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Second chances are all about asking yourself: "Has the situation changed or is change probable (not just "likely", but "probable")?

I respect the guy for asking, and you for considering ...I'm a big believer in 2nd chances, if they are warranted.

You mentioned that your reason for not continuing your dating him was because, "I didn't feel enough of a connection to want to continue to pursue what would be a long distance thing with both of our schedules quite busy" ...did one of you move closer to the other? ...or, do both of you have less busy schedules now? ...did you feel enough of a connection to continue dating him had the 'long distance thing with busy schedules' not been an issue at the time?

I don't know about the whole "chemisty" thing being there from the get-go or taking time to create and build ...I have my own opinions for and against both arguments, but I've heard that women can sense the 'potential' of a guy within the first few minutes (and has been confirmed by many women on these forums). I guess you just need to ask yourself, "is there the potential for a connection to be made here?", and make your decision based on that.
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #5  June 30,2009, 8:43am
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Do you remember why you didn't think it would work between the two of you? Was it strictly based on his behavior and actions, or was it something more elemental? I ask because he could be a perfect date and you still might not think he's worth the trouble of a long-distance thing. On the other hand, if he was acting weird and strange, and now he wants a chance to behave like his normal self, then that's something to consider. I'm a curious person, and I would want to see what he thinks his normal self is, but I'm a bit strange and weird that way.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 30,2009, 9:45am
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I am going to ramble a bit and maybe you will find some wisdom or idiocy in my ramblings.

I have read the postings of the others and agree and disagree with them. I am in a similar situation to your guy.

I believe in second chances when the situation warrants a second chance. This situation may not warrant a second chance because it is not really that he screwed up and would like to prove he is worthy. In this case YOU dedided that there was no "chemistry". He obviously had different feelings for you and felt that there was "checmistry". You seem to be an instant spark type person and when you did not get naughty butterflies on the first or second meeting then you had to move on to the next guy in your New Match folder.

I will be completely honest and say that I do not understand "chemistry". I have never seen, met or dated a girl that I have ever felt any instant spark that caused the raising of the flag (if you know what I mean). I have seen, met and dated girls that I did find attractive enough to go out more than once with and let my feelings build over time and become very connected to them (only to be dumped).

Since you require an instant spark this is something that this particular guy did not generate for you in the first two dates and it is not something such as he was nervous and feeling awkward. It is not likely that he will ever be able to generate any sparks for you, certainly not in just a couple of months time. The situation may be different if you had first met when you were 13 and now you met again at age 30, but you are both adults.

I do suppose that you owe him the courtesy of a reply and if you find any wisdom in my ramblings you are welcome to use them.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #7  June 30,2009, 12:30pm
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You get a free dinner out of it, go for it. it will either be different or it won't. The fourth and fifth chances could be rather interesting, just make sure he doesn't keep dragging you to the same restaurant, that would be a bit bland.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #8  June 30,2009, 2:36pm
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I'd say don't waste your time, if you're not feeling it in the first couple of dates, don't go for it.

Better use that time to find someone who you're more compatible with.
 
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Axmac is offline Axmac Post #9  June 30,2009, 5:34pm
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give him another chance.
It was big of him to ask for another one, and he obviously knew you maybe weren't feeling it, or he was awkward during the dates.
Go for it. What's it going to hurt?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  June 30,2009, 5:58pm

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I have sort of a similiar situation....though not as direct. We had two dates and that was it....didn't hear from him, and I didnt contact him either. I was just...well, bored. Even though he was super good looking to me and very nice. He was kind of hard to talk to. Though I was just getting out of something and not whole heartedly into it.

I wasn't sure how he felt about me, but thought he was weird when we parted ways last time....not sure if he thought I was going to ask him in or what but I didn't. I had no idea what he felt.

Okay, wait, this was about you, not me. Lol...anyway....I noticed he viewed my match profile a week ago or so, which suprised me. Then, last Friday he randomly texted me to say hi. He was at a bar that he knows I don't like and he thought of me. We texted a bit the next day and I said it would be cool if he wanted to hang out again sometime. and that was that. I still don't know what happened or why...but, now that I have had a month (and it has been a month since I've seen him) I would really like to see him again.... I want to! I remember how good looking he was....and that he seemed like an overall good guy, really. There wasn't much in the way of chemistry, but it wasn't "not" there either. It just seemed like it was awkward more than lacking in chemistry, as in neither of us were super outgoing. I might normally have been a little more outgoing but given the recent break up might not have been.

Anyway, that all has little to do with you. But my vote is give it another chance unless you are really sure there was no chemistry. I guess, what I was saying is...there a is a differnce...sometimes you KNOW there is no chemistry, sometimes it needs another look...and he seems to think so, what do you think?
 
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