What to Look For Before Elivating Dating to Relationship


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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #1  June 30,2009, 3:36am
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Elevating... geez I hate spelling mistakes...

Dating is about having fun but it is also about gathering information. Can you have fun with this person? Do you have common interests? Do you have common philosophies on life, children, retirement, religion or lack of it? Is this person physically attracted to you?

I found out recently that one of my friends is breaking up and seperating from someone she had dated for a year and a half. After about six months they got an apartment together. At fifty years old, how is it that people can still make this mistake? When you are younger... sure. but after thirty years of dating experience?

I think that it comes from faulty thinking during the dating process. Belief is one of the problems. People want to believe instead of being an objective observer in their own lives. This comes from years of being taught to believe.

Dating needs to be fun. Dating involves emotion and risk. It involves putting yourself out there and yes it does involve some belief; but, if you are having to take a leap of faith thinking that things will get better than they are in reality, than it's probably time to step back.
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; June 30,2009 at 3:37am. Reason: Why can't we edit titles?
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #2  June 30,2009, 8:36am
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I don't think I understand your question. Do you think it was a mistake for your 50-something friend to move in with her boyfriend after six months of dating? Or do you think it was a mistake for them to be together for 18 months and break up? And, do you know why they broke up, is it something you think your friend might have figured out if she hadn't moved in with the guy? I'm confused.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  June 30,2009, 9:25am
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I'm going to guess that your 50yr old friend ignored a red flag and went forward with the relationship anyway?

I think you will find that there are two types of people in the world, those who don't give much thought to the future and those give far too much thought to it. No offense, Dennis, but I'd say that if you are giving that much concious thought into elevating a relationship (retirement? lol), you are probably in the latter group. People who tend to not put much thought into it are those who do whatever feels good at the moment or whatever will resolve their biggest priority right now - such as loneliness. I'd say, maybe, your 50yr old friend is in that group.

Obviously, there needs to be a balance ...in my experience, a very precious few people are capable of this because, like you said, most people simply can't be objective about their own lives and - especially - their emotional relationships.

Don't you ever wonder why even therapists have therapists? ...how a marriage counselor could be divorced?
 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #4  June 30,2009, 9:29am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
I'm going to guess that your 50yr old friend ignored a red flag and went forward with the relationship anyway?

I think you will find that there are two types of people in the world, those who don't give much thought to the future and those give far too much thought to it. No offense, Dennis, but I'd say that if you are giving that much concious thought into elevating a relationship (retirement? lol), you are probably in the latter group. People who tend to not put much thought into it are those who do whatever feels good at the moment or whatever will resolve their biggest priority right now - such as loneliness. I'd say, maybe, your 50yr old friend is in that group.

Obviously, there needs to be a balance ...in my experience, a very precious few people are capable of this because, like you said, most people simply can't be objective about their own lives and - especially - their emotional relationships.

Don't you ever wonder why even therapists have therapists? ...how a marriage counselor could be divorced?
I like the way you think almost as much as I like your bike, Beagle!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  June 30,2009, 10:04am
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
Elevating... geez I hate spelling mistakes...

Dating is about having fun but it is also about gathering information. Can you have fun with this person? Do you have common interests? Do you have common philosophies on life, children, retirement, religion or lack of it? Is this person physically attracted to you?

I found out recently that one of my friends is breaking up and seperating from someone she had dated for a year and a half. After about six months they got an apartment together. At fifty years old, how is it that people can still make this mistake? When you are younger... sure. but after thirty years of dating experience?

I think that it comes from faulty thinking during the dating process. Belief is one of the problems. People want to believe instead of being an objective observer in their own lives. This comes from years of being taught to believe.

Dating needs to be fun. Dating involves emotion and risk. It involves putting yourself out there and yes it does involve some belief; but, if you are having to take a leap of faith thinking that things will get better than they are in reality, than it's probably time to step back.
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Join thew conversation:
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Yes spelling mistakes are bad. So is improper word use!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 30,2009, 10:17am
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I am confused too. Are you yourself not divorced? I know that you know a woman of similar age who was married for 30 some years and got divorced, how did that happen? At least your friend figured out her situation before she had invested many years and had said the "I do".
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #7  July 1,2009, 4:25am
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wordwoman wrote :
I don't think I understand your question. Do you think it was a mistake for your 50-something friend to move in with her boyfriend after six months of dating? Or do you think it was a mistake for them to be together for 18 months and break up? And, do you know why they broke up, is it something you think your friend might have figured out if she hadn't moved in with the guy? I'm confused.
Do you think it's good to move in with someone only to move out again a year later? I think that it was a huge mistake for them to have moved in together... Relationship should walk hand in hand with stability.

I would be incredibly angry if my life were turned up side down by someone who wasn't sure about the future of our relationship but they took a leap... only to find out that I wasn't what they were looking for. That is so incredibly selfish.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #8  July 1,2009, 4:28am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Yes spelling mistakes are bad. So is improper word use!
I'm having a bad word week... plplplplplplpplplpl....
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #9  July 1,2009, 4:36am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
I'm going to guess that your 50yr old friend ignored a red flag and went forward with the relationship anyway?

I think you will find that there are two types of people in the world, those who don't give much thought to the future and those give far too much thought to it. No offense, Dennis, but I'd say that if you are giving that much concious thought into elevating a relationship (retirement? lol), you are probably in the latter group. People who tend to not put much thought into it are those who do whatever feels good at the moment or whatever will resolve their biggest priority right now - such as loneliness. I'd say, maybe, your 50yr old friend is in that group.

Obviously, there needs to be a balance ...in my experience, a very precious few people are capable of this because, like you said, most people simply can't be objective about their own lives and - especially - their emotional relationships.

Don't you ever wonder why even therapists have therapists? ...how a marriage counselor could be divorced?
To answer someone elses question, yes, I am divorced... twice... both happened more than twenty years ago. Which is why I don't take relationship lightly.

I don't think I put much thought into relationships but I know now when something isn't going to work and I don't waste people's time. Being single for me means stability. I know I can count on the one person who doesn't let me down... me.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #10  July 1,2009, 5:39am
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
Elevating... geez I hate spelling mistakes...

Dating is about having fun but it is also about gathering information. Can you have fun with this person? Do you have common interests? Do you have common philosophies on life, children, retirement, religion or lack of it? Is this person physically attracted to you?

I found out recently that one of my friends is breaking up and seperating from someone she had dated for a year and a half. After about six months they got an apartment together. At fifty years old, how is it that people can still make this mistake? When you are younger... sure. but after thirty years of dating experience?

I think that it comes from faulty thinking during the dating process. Belief is one of the problems. People want to believe instead of being an objective observer in their own lives. This comes from years of being taught to believe.

Dating needs to be fun. Dating involves emotion and risk. It involves putting yourself out there and yes it does involve some belief; but, if you are having to take a leap of faith thinking that things will get better than they are in reality, than it's probably time to step back.
.
.
.
Join thew conversation:
http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/gr...ssues-day.html
Rats!! I was going to have so much fun raggin' on you!!
 
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