muzikizmyluvr is offline muzikizmyluvr Post #1  June 29,2009, 7:07pm
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Ok.....J and I met in college and fell completely. We were only freshmen and he was not coming back in the fall. He asked me to marry him. Scared and confused......I said no. We remained friends.

He got into trouble when he left school and took my advice and went into the military. He has just recently celebrated 14 years in! We kept in touch often. While he was on the ship, he met someone and they got married. All the while he is telling me that I am the most beautiful woman and that he never understood loving more than one person but he does now. We lose contact.

He divorces. He remarries. We get back in touch with each other. He is not happy in his marriage but we never meet up or see each other. We lose touch again

A few weeks ago he finds me on FB. I am glad to be back in touch with him because he is such a good friend. He is married. When I make a comment about being friends he says that he isnt sure how he would classify "us" because I am one of the few people he has never gotten tired of.

I tell him that it is because we have not been together for 15 years and we do not make important decisions together or wake up to each other day in and day out. I tell him that while he was divorced it was not like he came back for me to see if we had anything left. I say that I am safe for him because I am not close to him and that he is holding on to a memory.

To which he responds - "just remember, you were the first woman I asked to marry me, and I wish you were the last."

Now really, I do still have feelings for him but I have pushed that aside all these years in the sake of remaining friends. I asked him if he was happily married and he said "yes". Why would he make that comment to me? I feel like he stuck his hand in my chest and is squeezing my heart.

I told him maybe it would be best if we didnt speak anymore and he cant understand why.........but is it fair that he is happily married holding on to the memory of "us" and I am not that happily single trying not to hold on to the memory of "us" cuz it is something I can never have?

Did any of that make sense?!?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  June 29,2009, 7:20pm
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It sounds to me that even after all these years, and other women, he never got over you. Even though he claims he is happily married it is obvious that by the comment he made to you that it isn't the case. The red flag here is that he is married and trying to get back with you (or so it seems). It has been 15 years, maybe you should go your separate ways once and for all or maybe you should tell him that you just want to be friends and you don't want to come between his marriage. Either way, it sounds like he won't be entirely satisfied.
 
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logicalmind is offline logicalmind Post #3  June 29,2009, 7:33pm
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Your story sounds so romantic except for one minor detail...he is MARRIED. Well, maybe it is a major detail. You are a beautiful, intelligent, articulate woman who does not need to complicate her life with "fantasy" romance. Your relationship with this man was many years and two marriages ago....let go, move on, and do not continue to foster any more romantic thoughts that he is the one who might have been "the one". Please re-read your post....all of the answers you seek are within your own words.
 
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muzikizmyluvr is offline muzikizmyluvr Post #4  June 29,2009, 8:17pm
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I dont think he is trying to get us back together. Nor am I dwelling on what could have been. We have both moved on.....it just so happens that he married and I did not(probably for obvious reasons unfortunately). This has all come to this during this week and I know where I stand on this ( I will not even see him while he is married). He just doesnt understand why I am trying to pull away.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 30,2009, 4:15am
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You said it yourself - when he got divorced he did not come back to you, he married someone else. What the two of you have is a friendship and a fairy tale memory and since you are going through the singles blues, it's hard not to get wrapped up into this fairy tale memory. It's good for you that you are trying to pull away so you can keep your head clear and move on with your life.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 30,2009, 10:39am
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You have remained friends throughout the years and have a fantasy of a young love that never happened. It is fine to hang on to the memories in your life as long as you do not let them consume your present.
 
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