Is it possible to be too honest?


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stevex is offline stevex Post #1  June 29,2009, 6:34pm
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So here is an interesting thought. I was thinking tonight about how I am the kind of guy that if someone asks me a question I answer it and I don't leave things off my answers. When it comes to meeting women I believe in WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) and I do not hide my flaws nor do I hide my good intentions and all the good things about me. I do not pretend to be someone I am not.

With that said, I look at the guys that I know who have no problem getting dates, these are guys that like to pretend they are something more than they are. I mean boasting ones qualities is one thing, stretching the truth or putting on a performance is entirely different. I wonder though if it is possible to be too honest at the beginning.

I am the kind of person that believes in telling it like it is, I express my thoughts and ideas. I am very honest about what I believe and about who I am. I think this has maybe hurt me in the past for getting short-term dates; however, I wonder if it is better to be most honest as my desire is not to make someone think I am anything more or anything less than I really am.

Go look at your profile, how honest are you?
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #2  June 29,2009, 9:00pm
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I am the same as you - I strive to be genuine and honest, but I try to do so with diplomacy and tact. I don't believe in confrontation and rudeness early on.

But I do strongly believe in representing myself as I truely am. And I get rejected a lot by women who I feel if I would have lied, I could have got a date out of them. Oh well. Better I found out their flawed character sooner than later.

I often get accused of lacking confidence by women because of my honestly with them. That irks me to no end.

My only suggestion is to try to be more confident, energetic, and positive on first encounters, without sacrificing your honesty one bit.

Easier said than done, I know. Trying to meet women online is like trying to balance a cone on its tip.

Good luck. I know I need more..
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #3  June 29,2009, 9:17pm
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yes, it is possible to be too honest - to give *TMI*, too much information.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  June 29,2009, 9:27pm
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I'm honest in my profile. I'm too old not to be! It would be a waste of my time, otherwise...

If you're not honest, you won't get what you want. But you can tweak things, so as to put your best foot forward. It requires looking objectively at your profile as another might see it...

Remember that brutal honesty can ride roughshod over a person's feelings. One doesn't always have to speak one's mind.

To be perfectly honest, I have my Matches turned off.
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #5  June 29,2009, 9:46pm
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I don't think you can be "too honest", but you can be guilty of providing too much information too soon.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #6  June 29,2009, 10:48pm
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I think it always depends on your audience. For some people, you might say something that is tmi and for others they will find it revealing but interesting, touching etc.

A lot is in the wording but blunt will have a quick effect for positive or negative.

On profiles...I think if something is important to you that it should be there. If someone doesn't like you because of that thing...they aren't right for you anyway.

So while it is unusual....I have on my profile that I raise chickens. Yes...it makes many of the guys close quickly...but it's part of me.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  June 30,2009, 4:03am
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Honesty is a good thing, but....

Sometimes people claim they are just being honest, when in fact they are excusing extremely crude, crass and offensive behavior. So be sure that your honesty is actually tactful.

You can also pile on way too much information too early. When you are showing your bad sides right off the bad, that's what the person will remember the most and your good qualities will fade into the background or maybe you'll never have a chance to show them.

The worst one is that you may come across as very set in your ways - inflexible and uncompromising. It's the whole this is who I am take it or leave it because that's all I'll ever be thing. Who wants to take a chance with a partner like that? Life changes, things change and the capacity to flex and bend with the changes is crucial to a successful relationship and life at large. When someone comes across right off the bat that they are not capable of bending and flexing, it sends me running.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 30,2009, 11:14am
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Yes you can be too honest.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #9  June 30,2009, 11:25am
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I'm too honest as well. Don't know how to be anything else. It has probably cost me some relationships but then again how long would those have lasted any way? I would really like to find something that is permanent rather than filling some void. So one of these days, the right man will appear on my horizon.

Smiles...
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #10  June 30,2009, 11:29am
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Some interesting insight. I probably do come off at times of trying to give too much information too soon. The interesting thing about that is I would rather learn as much and share as much as I can at first rather than date someone for weeks and not really know them.

As far as being set in my ways, that is something that I probably do have to work on. I am not a closed minded guy; however, I am the kind of person that is very comfortable with who I am. With this comfort comes comfort in accepting flaws as well as the good; however, there are probably things I should change.
 
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