Sibbie is offline Sibbie Post #1  June 29,2009, 5:50am
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I've been in OC with an eH match for about two weeks now. A couple of days ago we started talking about possibly meeting. He lives almost 6 hours away and driving down just for the day is not really feasible so I let him know that he would not be staying at my place for the weekend. At first he said that was fine. The next day he texted me asking where he would stay if he comes to visit and I told him there are plenty of hotels in the area. He then asked me if I would stay in a hotel if I were to visit him and I said yes. He replies, saying that when I feel comfortable enough to stay under the same roof (not the same bed) with him then he will come visit. He said he's not paying for a hotel and that he doesn't think it's right to ask someone to drive that far and then tell me they can't stay with you.

Now, first of all, although I did bring up the topic of meeting, I didn't invite him. He's the one that said he would drive down anytime I wanted him to. Secondly, how am I expected to feel that comfortable with him before we even meet face to face? Finally, for safety reasons, I just don't think it's a good idea. Regardless of how much we may talk between now and a possible visit, he's still basically a stranger.

I haven't discussed all of this with him yet, but I plan to the next time we talk. What I'd like to know is, do you think I'm being unreasonable? If, after I explain this to him, he is still not willing to stay in a hotel, should I just say forget it and move on to the next? Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #2  June 29,2009, 6:17am
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I don't think it's unreasonable, and I 100% agree with you. Especially when meeting someone off the internet, there's always a chance they may not be who they say they are. I think if he can't understand and respect that, it's time to move on to someone who can.

If he does agree, and you do meet, just make sure you pass some info to a friend (like when and where)...just to be on the safe side. Or meet in a public place.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  June 29,2009, 6:51am
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You are not being unreasonable and are 100% spot on with all you have said.

It would be just plain foolish to invite a stranger into your home and no matter how long you communicate via e-mail or phone they are still a stranger until you have met and spent a bit of time together in person.

FYI if you were to invite me to come and meet you I would expect that I would stay in a hotel and actually demand it for my own safety as well as my concern for your safety. I don't know you any better than you know me.

Just my take, this guy is not looking for a LTR, at least when distance is concerned, and is not willing to put in the dues to get there. My advice, look for a better guy.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 29,2009, 6:53am
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islandrain80 wrote :
I don't think it's unreasonable, and I 100% agree with you. Especially when meeting someone off the internet, there's always a chance they may not be who they say they are. I think if he can't understand and respect that, it's time to move on to someone who can.

If he does agree, and you do meet, just make sure you pass some info to a friend (like when and where)...just to be on the safe side. Or meet in a public place.
Both of these things should be standard. You should always meet in a public place with a lot of people around for the first few dates until you really get a feel for each other and that you are really who you each say you are.
 
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Zev is offline Zev Post #5  June 29,2009, 7:05am
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Offer to help out financially. He springs for the hotel, you buy dinner.
It really wouldn't be fair for him to take on the whole expense (including gas for the trip), anyway.

Do NOT allow a stranger to stay with you so soon!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  June 29,2009, 7:46am

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You bring up some very valid points, (1) I think your potential date was thinking out loud and you were not prepared to answer his questions, which were logistical in nature and you could have said I'll get back to you. (2) I assume that you have not worked out a plan for a face to face meeting? (3) If you decided to visit him, what questions would you ask?
(4) If the travel time is to far for a meaningful relationship or if he is to aggressive for you, just say good bye and move on to the next guy.
(5) If your not going to meet someone at a place that is mutually agreeable to the both of you then it becomes incumbent upon you to plan a safe, but fun first meeting place. An Art gallery that is near a nice coffee house or Tea house, etc. and you get to know each other a bit. It is very hard to get out of a car and sit down to coffee and be charming in a short period of time.
(6) You seem to have an attitude problem about strangers? No one says that you have to meet right after you speak to each other on the phone. The process is designed to give you a certain level of comfort by taking the time for you to get to know somebody and you build a rapport that you want to meet them. If not don't go out with them.
(7) How do you visualize the your first meeting and or a date transpiring? Do you live in a major metropolitan area or in a rural or country like setting? Which will bring up questions again. Consider reasonable travel times for the both of you. (8) What would you consider as a fun first meeting? Have fun.

Harvey7.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  June 29,2009, 8:02am
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I'm getting that creepy feeling. He says he'd drive down anytime. Now he's not going for the hotel. My creep alert is working overtime.

If you really wanted to, you could both do 3hrs & meet in the middle. Both spring for a hotel (separate) or both drive 3hrs home after.

I've set my Matches for 30miles. That might be an hour in traffic, depending. But that's just me.
 
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Sibbie is offline Sibbie Post #8  June 29,2009, 11:19am
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Thanks for the input.

j0hn8andy, I would love to be able to limit my matches to 30 miles but, considering the rural area I live in, it would be a waste of money. Since I joined in March, out of 700 or so matches I've received only about 4 of those were within 30 miles...and one of those was my cousin.

Harvey7, how does my unwillingness to allow a man I've never met spend a weekend in my home translate to me having an attitude problem about strangers?
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #9  June 29,2009, 12:18pm
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OMG, high creep factor here!

Here's a plan...meet halfway. Find a decent public place about halfway between you two and meet him there for lunch (not dinner). That way you can both have plenty of daylight left to drive to your separate homes and no pressure to stay at a hotel.

If he isn't acceptable to this idea then I'll be convinced its just too creepy to proceed any further. If you find the 3 hour drive to the halfway point is more trouble than its worth then I'd say you aren't ready for a long distance relationship. Just sayin'...be safe!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #10  June 29,2009, 4:23pm
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Sibbie wrote :
Thanks for the input.

j0hn8andy, I would love to be able to limit my matches to 30 miles but, considering the rural area I live in, it would be a waste of money. Since I joined in March, out of 700 or so matches I've received only about 4 of those were within 30 miles...and one of those was my cousin.

Harvey7, how does my unwillingness to allow a man I've never met spend a weekend in my home translate to me having an attitude problem about strangers?

LOL LOL I bet you & the cousin had a good laugh!
 
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