jimmyfats is offline jimmyfats Post #1  June 28,2009, 8:58pm
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Ok maybe there's some logic out there somewhere.

After reading several posts and discussions,
I have come to the perplexing question of...

If a woman isn't interested in a man, why will she give him her phone number, so he can call and she not return his calls, then leave him wondering why?
Why not just say no to the phone number in the first place?
What are the women trying to "just be nice?"

I've come to the conclusion that nobody really likes nice people. Everybody says they do but when it comes right down to it, they don't.
You want to know who the nice people in your life are?
You call them "friends".
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #2  June 28,2009, 9:09pm
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Well, I think it is probably the same reason that guys ask for a number when they really don't mean to call at all.

Usually better discussion come out of these forums when you pose the question that actually stimulates communication.

In general people asking for numbers, people giving numbers away and then nothing happens, either the phone call is not made or it is not responded.

Many people ask for a number for politeness. You want to end the conversation and you just say, can I have your number and everybody moves on.

Many people give out their numbers to also end politely the conversation without raising any issues. People can become violent, insulting and very mean if you refuse a request even politely.

Neither is GOOD or even ACCEPTABLE, but it happens. Both sides of the fence have been with this issue for a while, so one must accept and move forward. Also some people give out numbers that are not real, so if I get a voicemail that I don't know who it is, I delete it.

People DO like nice people, but people do NOT like doormats.

Oh.. better yet than asking for a phone number is asking her/him out on a date. Meaning explicitly, as in "hey, you sound interesting, why don;t we meet next thursday at XYZ, it is a good place with less noise and we can converse" and if they say yes, then you can go ahead and say "let's exchange numbers". I try to be cute when I get a number and I text back.. "this is my number", that way if he truly gave me his number, now he has mine and he can save it. If his phone doesn;t ring, guess what? not a real number.

Lav
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #3  June 28,2009, 9:40pm
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Lav beat me to it =).

Big one is the "polite ending of conversation." It's usually easier to give a positive answer than a negative one. You know that fear guys get when they go up a woman and thing she's going to turn him down in some spectacular way?

Women get that same fear about turning down a guy. Well, maybe not the same, but the truth is that it's easier to be nice to a guy and then ignore him later than risk turning him down and him going all ballistic over it.

It's also to save face for you. Rather than turn down your request and have you go back to your buddies and say "Naw, she didn't even give me her number!" or report failure you can say that you got the number. Then later on if she doesn't answer it's her "fault" and not your failure.

In my experience women rarely turn me down if I request a phone number but just as often don't answer the next day. I'll call once, leave a message, and that's the end of it.

If I don't get a response I'll assume she's not interested and move on. No big deal. I refuse to be that guy that a girl just can't get rid of. If she doesn't want me there I'm gone. Simple as that. There are too many great people out there to spend time trying to force yourself on someone who isn't interested.

I wouldn't conclude that people don't like nice people. For many getting turned down in front of their buddies would be very "not nice." Don't take it personally.

There's a difference between nice behavior and actually being nice. And a difference between what "nice" actually means. Too many guys interpret "nice" to mean "treat her like a princess." That's just nice behavior. You may be a complete jerk inside and act that way outside. And the main point is that it comes off as being fake.

What does that mean (without getting too deep into it)? If you treat a girl (or guy) as if they're the best thing that ever happened to them and sacrifice your own life for them (figuratively, as in accepting their every suggestion or plan even when it's inconvenient for you) this is the "nice" people don't like. Why don't they like it? Shouldn't they be happy you're willing to do so much for them?

Nope. Again, it feels fake because let's face it...we don't want to be put on a pedestal (narcissists aside ). A girl has to wonder if you're seeing the real her. She knows she's not perfect. She knows her flaws. If you treat her like she has no flaws she'll doubt your sincerity. She'll wonder if you're actually seeing her or just some made up version you have of her in your head. She wants you to accept her for who she really is. If you don't treat her as an equal, as a true equal, she isn't going to believe that you actually like her.

"Nice" guys are all too often desperate guys who make this exact mistake. We are so excited about having a relationship with a pretty girl we forget there's a real person there. Then we get upset when she moves on even though we were so "nice!"

Learn the difference between being a "nice guy" and actually having respect for women and you may find a different experience .

Jacquesne
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  June 29,2009, 12:25am
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jimmyfats wrote :
If a woman isn't interested in a man, why will she give him her phone number, so he can call and she not return his calls, then leave him wondering why?
Why not just say no to the phone number in the first place?
What are the women trying to "just be nice?"
Go see the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" and apply some of the lessons in reverse and you'll get it. If you still don't get it, read the book.

Seriously.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  June 29,2009, 3:32am
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People call because they want to, people don't call because they don't want to. Having a number gives them the option and they avoid having to reject a person in... ummm person.

Next question while I'm on a roll...
.
.
.
atheist-issues-of-the-day-If-religion-were-eliminated-what-would-replace-it?
Last edited by DennisWisconsin; June 29,2009 at 3:35am. Reason: Because I have nothing better to do...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 29,2009, 6:58am
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Guys have been asking girls for their phone number since the phone was invented. Girls have been giving out "a phone number" just as long. The number they give you may not be their own or even one that is in service. That is just what girls have always done and they still do it.

And yes guy ask for a girls phone number but then a few minutes later they get a "better" girls phone number and yours gets placed at the bottom of the stack, thus you don't get a call.
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #7  June 29,2009, 8:09am
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Gr8Guy, do those men start from the top and work their way down until they get a positive response, if so, if I were a girl I would not want to be on that list at all, does player come in mind? I for one have never gathered phone numbers, gone to bars to gather phone numbers or anything like that, never have, never will. I like the old saying "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you", I think this goes for the dating world to. If you gather phone numbers you deserve a wrong phone number or bad responses when calling and the like, sorry. Guess I might be old school. As for giving out phone numbers, I guess I been lucky so far, when given it was intended that she was interested but then again I did not gather them. My 2 cents, don't give out your number if your not interested, be up front and say your not interested in whatever way you feel is needed.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  June 29,2009, 2:53pm
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One reason is that they are Evil People who lie and enjoy hurting you.

Another is that they kind of wanted your number at the time (like, after some drinks) but had no enthusiasm for you the next day, or forgot you, or maybe even lost your number (then there is the rare person who wrote it down wrong and is now calling some grandmother in Boise.)

A third possibility (which has been validated here) is that women often do not say “no” to a man’s face due to fear – same thing happens when they say “yes I’d like another date” prior to falling off the face of the earth.

In any case, you’ll just have to find it within yourself to survive and try again.
 
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