managing your backups...


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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #1  June 28,2009, 6:51pm
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Has anyone done this to their friends of the opposite sex and actually have it blossom into The One?

Is it worth the effort to keep some backups around? From amongst my male friends, sometimes I wonder if some might be worth pursuing.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #2  June 28,2009, 6:56pm
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dietpepsi wrote :
Has anyone done this to their friends of the opposite sex and actually have it blossom into The One?

Is it worth the effort to keep some backups around? From amongst my male friends, sometimes I wonder if some might be worth pursuing.
I guess it depends what you consider a backup. If you're keeping people around just to string them along, that's crappy and dishonest. If you're honestly friend and you're trying to convert them into S.O.'s, then that's tricky. They have to be interested as well and you must go about it carefully or you can easily lose a friend. I managed to convert a friend into an SO, then into a wife, then into an ex-wife.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  June 28,2009, 6:58pm
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Personally, I don't.
I'm either in or out. To do otherwise is, in my mind, manipulative and simply wrong. Both people should know where they stand and have the freedom to pursue other relationships.

Having said that, I have had male acquaintances in the past, who then became partners. In fact, this is how the most significant relationship of my life started. We were in the same social circles, but attached to other people. 5 years later we met at a party, both single at the time, and were together for 4 years after that.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #4  June 28,2009, 7:15pm
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I'm with IcecreamMoon on this one; I'm either in or I'm not.

Managing your backups sounds too much like stringing others along in case a particular situation doesn't work out. That's not for me. I give each situation my all. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I just don't think it's right to have someone potentially waiting in the wings. Kind of sounds like you're expecting it won't work out--self-fulfilling prophecy kind of stuff.

As for hooking up with a friend, well, I've tried this twice. The first time it blew up in my face--not only did the relationship not work, but I lost a really great friend. The second time the relationship didn't work out, but we are still wonderful friends. I guess it really depends on the people involved.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #5  June 28,2009, 7:33pm
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Ditto the two ladies above. If this man truly is your friend and you want to at the very least keep a friend... Stop treating him as a backup. Come clean, ask him out if you are truly interested, but do be honest about it. In the long run, if you are up front with people from the get go, even if you say you like the man but you are pursuing someone else- either he'll respect your frankness (and show he’s emotionally mature) and walk away, or he’ll accept it and deal. You’re in a tight spot considering dating a friend as it is, make it easier on yourself by communicating effectively what you are feeling to the man/men involved- and accepting the consequences, whatever they will be. Hope the advice helps.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #6  June 28,2009, 8:40pm
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Chris Rock did a piece on this. It's not a good thing to metaphorically keep a guy's **** in a glass box to break in case of emergencies.

If you have a deep attraction for one of your friends, then go for it.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  June 28,2009, 9:01pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
Chris Rock did a piece on this. It's not a good thing to metaphorically keep a guy's **** in a glass box to break in case of emergencies.
Somehow, you always manage to get a laugh out of me...
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #8  June 29,2009, 4:51pm
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So is it implied that you don't mind if someone keeps you as a backup or if your future boyfriend keeps backups?

The "Golden Rule" never goes out of style. Just sayin'.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #9  June 29,2009, 5:26pm
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If you give a friend mixed signals and you aren't serious about pursuing something with him or her, then you will sooner or later lose that friend.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #10  June 29,2009, 6:17pm
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Seinfeld also alluded to male friends as being garbagemen. They are always around, ready when you need them but the moment they move on or go on strike all hell breaks loose.

Some people really must enjoy dating to keep backups around.
 
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