Until it happens to you......


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #11  June 28,2009, 6:20am

:o)

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 320

See profile

Also racing guy, you can feel it in the hug and kiss, did you feel a connection or chemistry and I don't mean down in the pants, there is a big difference. Body chemistry vs pants chemistry, no comparison when you feel it.[/quote]


LOL thanks for making me laugh! I needed that. And, in all seriousness, yes there is a difference (women too!)
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #12  June 28,2009, 6:22am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

rRACINGRANDY wrote :
So I met someone that I thought had "potential" last weekend for a date from E-Harmony. Spent almost 3 weeks of exchanging e-mails before we met. She wanted to take it slow and cautious. She requested the initial communication and for the next few weeks, we exchanged short/brief e-mails 1-2X a day.

So the date went very well. Almost 4 hours. Attractive, nice and it seemed like we had a great time. A lot of laughs and a lot of energy. Said goodbye and thanks with a nice kiss.

I liked her!

For the next 3 days afterwords, we exchanged more e-mails. Set a date to get together again. Good pace. Not over wellming as I have a lot going on at work.

And then......"poof". She disappeared. Vanished. No "Dear John", no "I am sorry", no "nothing".

Until it happens to you with someone you like or you think might have potential, you don't know the feelings of hurt and disappointment. And while I know this is part of the on line dating game, it does not take away the feelings of emptyness and the fear of having to do the entire process again with someone new.

I myself am guilty of the same thing only a few weeks ago. With someone that liked me but I felt no chemistry after the first date. Rather than tell her so, I simply vanished.

Maybe life does go in circles. Maybe what you do to others yesterday will come back tomorrow. But until it happens to you, you just don't know the power of rejection and hurt.

I will be "ok". Have no choice. Have two wonderful boys that I love and a great career. Also remain involved in competitive cycling, which is a healthy outlet. I am just missing the joy of having someone with me doing fun things together as a couple.

Just seems like it's taking a lot longer than it should and I am meeting a lot of women that seem to be confused with what they really want.
BTDT

Finding "the one" takes a lot of work and a certain amount of luck. She is not going to just drop out of the shy and land in your lap.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #13  June 28,2009, 6:24am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
You "liked" her after the first date. The rule of thumb is no emotional attachment until after 6 months of exclusivity.
Who came up with that rule? I have yet to ever date anyone for 6 months exclusive or not.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #14  June 28,2009, 6:28am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

tommyboy047 wrote :
...

Also racing guy, you can feel it in the hug and kiss, did you feel a connection or chemistry and I don't mean down in the pants, there is a big difference. Body chemistry vs pants chemistry, no comparison when you feel it.
Give me a clue as to what I should feel
 
  Reply With Quote
rRACINGRANDY is offline rRACINGRANDY Post #15  June 28,2009, 7:56am
rRACINGRANDY's Avatar

hopes for better weather.

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2008

CHICAGO

Posts: 66

See profile

Looking back, there were some things that occurred before the first date that made things challenging and odd. For example, after 14 days of daily e-mails, I gave her my phone number. But she never gave me hers. Then a day before the first date, she finally did give me her phone number. Even after I gave her my number.....she never called me.....ever. So I figured and we discussed that she liked e-mail. Because we both are up really early and we both have young children.

Regarding the chemistry during the first kiss......it was "ok" but as far as that knee bending kiss of "Wow"!.....no. It was a fun first date. I mean, 3.5 hours of laughing, talking and listening. But after dozens of these dates that turn out like this...you become so untrusting. "Will I see this person again?" Will she just send me an e-mail saying "thanks...but?"

Oddly enough....I actually think that I have become somewhat descensatized to the whole "first kiss" experience. I mean, I date really well and there is lot's of diologue but because of what has taken place over the past several months...there is a huge distrust on if they are sincere.

This particular woman....I just wasted 3-4 weeks of my time, energy and yes, thinking this has "potential"...for a "poof"!

Until it happens to you.....you don't understand the hurt.
 
  Reply With Quote
tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #16  June 28,2009, 8:51am
tommyboy047's Avatar

bye all

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 275

See profile

Well Gr8guy, can I explain the feeling with just... You feel like you could just melt in her arms into a warm sunny puddle. Her arms around you feel like your wrapped around with wings of an angel and the kiss feels like you just want be be swallowed up with all she has. Your not thinking with the winky, your body, mind and soul has taken over totally.

Racing, if the first kiss was "ok", well, you got your answer regarding chemistry. You talked about lots of "diologue", that sounds like alot of small talk going on, no content, no connection etc... When your with someone that you feel a connection with the conversations become natural, you can talk about just about anything and there is no "diologue", it's like two friends talking about nothing and everything. The conversation has no course, no direction it just happens so easily, your not sitting there wondering what to talk about next, what "diologue" would be good. Sorry, I don't like that word in dating, seems fake. If I talked to a women that I just dated and she said "I liked our diologue", I would think the date did not go well. Wouldn't you agree "I liked talking to you" is a better indication.
Last edited by tommyboy047; June 28,2009 at 8:54am.
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #17  June 28,2009, 9:08am

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

rRACINGRANDY wrote :
Just seems like it's taking a lot longer than it should and I am meeting a lot of women that seem to be confused with what they really want.
rRACINGRANDY wrote :
This particular woman....I just wasted 3-4 weeks of my time, energy and yes, thinking this has "potential"...for a "poof"!

Until it happens to you.....you don't understand the hurt.
Hi Randy,

I know it can seem tough and it really sucks when we have to start from scratch again but so it goes...

But just like how you did not feel anything for the other woman that you went on one date with, the same thing can happen in reverse.

You aren't a bad person or confused about what you want because you did not feel anything for someone that you met. So the same needs to apply to the ones that don't find us attractive but we like.

Unfortunately, it is just how it is and if you want to find someone you just have to go through the process.

As for her not giving you her number until the date - I don't find that odd. That would be something I would do if the plans were finalized through email. I never called my matches first but they usually provided their number to me. I would usually provide my number when we got to the point that we were going to go out.

You sound like you are confident in who you are and that puts you head and shoulders above a lot of the men out there. Good luck!!
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #18  June 28,2009, 9:42am

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
You "liked" her after the first date. The rule of thumb is no emotional attachment until after 6 months of exclusivity.
LOL. yeah, how is telling your heart to control itself working out for you?

We are humans, not robots. It doesn't work that way.

No matter how much you tell yourself not to get too attached, and there are some ways to keep your feelings at a distance, there is no way to really control your feelings, just your reactions to your feelings.
 
  Reply With Quote
AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #19  June 28,2009, 10:00am
AustinShaguar's Avatar

is Shagadelic, yeah baby!

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2009

hot-n-steamy Florida

Posts: 219

See profile

I can tell you what is going on. I'm sure you already know this but what the hay here goes. Its called "dating". Dating is oftentimes a painful ritual that I guess is just unavoidable. What happened was "your date" was either involved with someone already where the relationship was more at an advanced stage than yours or she was going on multiple dates with other guys and eliminated you from the competition. Ironically, what happens a lot of times is she will get eliminated by the guy she is pursuing (the one that eliminated you) and she will be left scratching her head just like you. The sad part is that no one seems to learn a lesson from all of this. The vicious cycle continues....
 
  Reply With Quote
stevex is offline stevex Post #20  June 28,2009, 10:08am
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
You "liked" her after the first date. The rule of thumb is no emotional attachment until after 6 months of exclusivity.
Why I am going to date someone for 6 months exclusively if there is no emotional attachment? And I will know if I like someone to a certain extent after the first date, so I am not sure your point.

To the OP, your situation does sound like quite the bummer. Having people poof is a real blow to ones ego as well as very curious. I imagine that in reality she might have enjoyed the date very much but she might have also been dating other people and there might have been someone that she liked better. How much that is hard for you that she didn't tell you, I suspect that it is probably better that way. If she told you that she had found someone else you would want to know what he had that you don't and either way conflicts can occur if she tells you she isn't interested in you. While it is extremely frustrating, be glad you actually had a nice date and look forward to the next match and the next date(s) you have with that match.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Dad with young adult son advise | Dating | Monday, June 29th Date Roundup! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:32am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0