wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #1  June 26,2009, 11:54pm
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I’m not someone who asks many questions, except for the basic facts of course, about former partners. But for the last several months, I’ve been dating men who feel the need to supply way more intimate, sexual details about their ex-gf/wives than I need, or even want, to know.

I try to change the subject as gracefully as possible, but more often than not I have to straight up ask: ‘Why are you telling me these things about your ex?’ And, each time I hope maybe it’s for some constructive reason, but, alas no, nearly all say: ‘Oh, I just thought you would find it interesting.’ Well, no, I don’t; I find the telling tacky.

Maybe I’m just old school, but I follow the (modified) motto: No kissing and telling, unless it’s necessary for health and safety. Am I off base, or is this a new “openness” I was unaware existed in 21st century dating life? Anyone else encountering this, or am I just hitting a strange cluster of blabbermouths?
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #2  June 27,2009, 12:36am
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wordwoman wrote :
I’m not someone who asks many questions, except for the basic facts of course, about former partners. But for the last several months, I’ve been dating men who feel the need to supply way more intimate, sexual details about their ex-gf/wives than I need, or even want, to know.

I try to change the subject as gracefully as possible, but more often than not I have to straight up ask: ‘Why are you telling me these things about your ex?’ And, each time I hope maybe it’s for some constructive reason, but, alas no, nearly all say: ‘Oh, I just thought you would find it interesting.’ Well, no, I don’t; I find the telling tacky.

Maybe I’m just old school, but I follow the (modified) motto: No kissing and telling, unless it’s necessary for health and safety. Am I off base, or is this a new “openness” I was unaware existed in 21st century dating life? Anyone else encountering this, or am I just hitting a strange cluster of blabbermouths?
I very much agree with you! Some people don't have an off switch to their ramblings. Tact is a very rare quality,especially when it comes to dating.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  June 27,2009, 3:23am
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Maybe they weren't satisfied in their previous sexual relationships, so decided to make it a priority in their next relationship?

I don't know really, this is just a thought.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 27,2009, 5:07am
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It depends on what they are saying but you could glean a great deal of useful information by listening to what they are saying.

If they are generally negative towards their ex then this could be a red flag that you should become aware of. If they are mentioning bad behavior such as drinking, that could be a signal that you better not be drinking (much).

And they may be sharing this information with you without a conscious plan.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  June 27,2009, 5:14am
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They are used to women asking about this, and assumed you want to know too. I find most women ask about prior partners, and seek validation about how they measure up. It is tiring and unwanted.

He should be pleased you’re not asking.

I think the answer is both posits: it is more common, and you have a “blabbermouth cluster.”
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  June 27,2009, 5:33am
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OR they may just be so full of themselves they think you will be fascinated by all the gory details! I'd look upon it as a character flaw

At least you are warned you are likely to be the subject of their next prey's conversation, should you allow things to go that far...
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #7  June 27,2009, 5:36am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
OR they may just be so full of themselves they think you will be fascinated by all the gory details! I'd look upon it as a character flaw

At least you are warned you are likely to be the subject of their next prey's conversation, should you allow things to go that far...
Amen. Usually what goes through my head when I'm hearing this.
(also helps me keep my mouth shut....)
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  June 27,2009, 6:25am
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True, who wants to hear about all the notches in your bedpost? Sounds like lame offensive bragging. Worse, you'll be the next topic , great indicator of what a jerk he is
KungFuFtr wrote :
I very much agree with you! Some people don't have an off switch to their ramblings. Tact is a very rare quality,especially when it comes to dating.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #9  June 27,2009, 7:53am
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The problem with commenting on this is TLI. Where in relationship is the discussion happening? What (no I don't want to know) are they sharing? IMHO personal information (kissing and telling) is always bad.

On the other hand, "I didn't like that she (not giving a name) would ..." is possibly their way sharing (with you) of a personal feeling by using example and should be cherished. Not my personal method of communication, but we all are different: expect it, embrace it, learn to id. the bad stuff and stay away from it. That they would share this intimate information with you (depending on context and development stage of relationship) should be cherished, or if you feel is inappropriate (we all are different, don't expect to change it), be thankful that you learned early and walk away.
Last edited by olneyjeeps; June 27,2009 at 7:57am.
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #10  June 27,2009, 11:04am
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Thanks for your responses. In most cases, the details weren’t constructive, just unnecessarily graphic, because what woman wants, or needs to, hear a play-by-play of her man's previous partners’ responses, technique and toolbox?

For some I did suspect that they were telling me these things because they had been “trained” to do so by previous partners. I found this sad, especially when they took my lack of inquiry to mean I didn’t care about them, and my response was: “What the ex did or didn’t do is irrelevant to me; I just need/want to know what you want and need.”
 
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