I am so lost and hurt that my ex was a jerk and he went back to his Ex.


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Giselle1008 is offline Giselle1008 Post #1  June 24,2009, 3:04pm
Giselle1008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

We went out for like on/off 7 months. I was the girl he dated after his 1 year on/off ex girlfriend. I had great chemistry with him and I thought if felt right to lose my V card to him bcuz at that time I didnt feel it was a big deal and I was ready (I was 21 and he was 18). I regret it now bcuz since I waited for so long already and I just gave it up bcuz my judgment were clouded at that time. I wish I lost it to someone deserving and that was inlove with me. Well the first time we broke up (He was getting too attached and he got scared), he went back to her but they were unofficial. Then he tried to get with me and since I still had feelings with him I accepted him. But I never had sex with him again, he said I tormented him for months by teasing him. Before I agreed to go back out with him I asked him if he was over his ex and he said he is done with her and he was wrong about his feelings about her. When he said it, he said it with a straight face and looked like he meant it. She is not very attractive. But after we broke up again (I broke it because he barely spent time with me and he barely communicated and I realized I was settling for less), I found out that he's back with her after a few weeks. I am hurt by the fact that I lost it to jerk and I'm embarrass and it sucks knowing that he's back with her because he seems to have had more feelings for her when I am much better looking than her. Its just hurts my pride because if I am better looking than her, why did he choose her? I don't understand because I am much better looking, I have a killer body and great personality and I am faithful. Someone who is a keeper. I know they know the same people bcuz they went to high school together and they dated longer and have the same lifestyle so maybe that's why he's more comfortable with her. But it just hurts my pride because I am such a good person when it comes to love. I don't understand why I get burn this way. When will that person come that will treat me right? I've been patient bcuz he's the only one I open my heart to. Please give me encouragement besides the words "Move on" because I am and never considering him ever again, he lied to me. Its just hurting my pride because he chose her over me. It bugs me that he is with her because when we were together, I told him I am not threatened by her because I am so much better looking than her and I have confidence. I doubt they will last...do on/off relationship last, especially theirs?
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #2  June 24,2009, 3:22pm
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

It sounds like you had him, then you dumped him, and now that he's with someone else, you want him again.

Very basic psychological principal here... him being "in demand". People want what they can't have.

Eh, just go here and listen to this - YouTube - Kellie Pickler - Best Days Of Your Life , it'll make you feel better.
 
  Reply With Quote
bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  June 24,2009, 3:23pm
bravethestorm's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,260

See profile

On/off relationships usually are a warning sign of problems or commitment issues with one or both parties involved. The only time they will last is if the problems are solved.

I think in your case...it's not his ex was better but that he is more invested emotionally there. It's older...broken in...what he's most used to...plus he's not over her.

Love and who to sleep with has its risk. Whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or are very protective...at some point you got to take the risk of being hurt. Sometimes there will be good results and other times pain. However the key is to define what you are looking for.

So consider what you want in a guy...like one that has moved on from his ex. Find someone with a heart they are able to give to you and a personality that matches/compliments your own.

Meeting someone is a matter of timing and being ready. So when you best know and figure out what you want...that will make it easier to find the right person.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  June 24,2009, 3:23pm
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

And on/off relationships don't usually last... but sometimes they do.
 
  Reply With Quote
yankeelover is offline yankeelover Post #5  June 24,2009, 3:26pm
yankeelover's Avatar

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

This advice may seem trivial and not what you want to hear. Time heals and often we can feel as if there is no tomorrow. What concerns me most is your suggeestion that he should have stayed with you because you are better looking and have a good body. this is more reflective of your superficial side and you should try and accept that others may be more compatible because of other traits. Looks and a killer body do not make a relationship last.
 
  Reply With Quote
Geetysburg is offline Geetysburg Post #6  June 24,2009, 4:07pm
Geetysburg's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 11

See profile

He's a teenager, what do you expect?
 
  Reply With Quote
Giselle1008 is offline Giselle1008 Post #7  June 24,2009, 4:10pm
Giselle1008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

Well he's 19 and I think he's not in his stable mind of being in a real relationship. He flirts with so many girls online. Me and him are still friends. After we broke up, 2 weeks later he finally responded to the things I said to him apologizing for how things went down and he just let it happen. He's like a typical guy, when emotions or problems occur he just runs. Well I became the bigger person and just accepted his apology and realized that me and him are just meant to just be friends. I am just irritated that he chose her over me and now I realized I made the biggest mistake of giving it to him. I should have done it with someone emotionally available and someone who is inlove with me. At that time virginities were overrated, but now I wish I waited for someone that was full on committed. I was so stupid...we were not even official as bf/gf, we were just in the dating phase.
 
  Reply With Quote
chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #8  June 24,2009, 5:33pm
chawks64's Avatar

is keeping warm with her Honey.

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Southern Nevada

Posts: 6,735

See profile

Being quite a bit older, I can state without a doubt that he will not be the first guy to make you question your choices. It's just how things work. All you can do is try to learn from the mistakes you and these guys make.

One thing I did notice, and I'm not trying to be nit-picky here, was that you mentioned a couple of times that you were surprised he went back to his ex because you are better looking than she is. That may be important when you are in a lineup of women at a club, but when it comes down to the woman a man chooses to give his heart to, looks are not as big of a deal as women think. Men are much more emotional than we give them credit for and many times choose a woman they feel comfortable and emotionally safe with. I'm absolutely not saying she is a better person, I'm saying he probably just felt more comfortable with her, probably due to the time spent with her.
 
  Reply With Quote
WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #9  July 21,2009, 5:02pm
WYskywatcher's Avatar

got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2009

Least populated state in the country!

Posts: 2,960

See profile

Giselle1008 wrote :
But it just hurts my pride because I am such a good person when it comes to love. I don't understand why I get burn this way. When will that person come that will treat me right?
Sweet Giselle, I can hear the hurt, loss, anger and rejection in the words of your post. There are so many LIFE lessons in your story:

1) Many people in life are only looking out for themselves. Based on your description, it sounds like YOUR BOYFRIEND IS ONE OF THEM.

2) Contrary to what our culture screams, YOUR WORTH IS NOT WRAPPED UP IN YOUR BODY IMAGE!! Your beauty, intrigue and desirability comes from confidence, intelligence, knowledge, humor, creativity and taking care of yourself. (A beautiful body is just icing on the cake!)

3) There is ONE person whom you can depend on to ALWAYS treat you right, THAT PERSON IS YOURSELF!!

4) Breaking up HURTS. It is hard to just sit still and feel that hurt and process it. BUT, it is better to give yourself time to feel the hurt and grieve the loss than to run right back into another relationship or worse, the same relationship, just to avoid dealing with the pain of this break-up.

PRACTICAL ADVICE:

a) Give yourself a few weeks to scream, cry, punch pillows and cry some more.

b) During that time, resist the temptation to contact your boyfriend or respond to his attempts to communicate with you. (The temptation will be almost unbearable, but if you are successful resisting it, you will be stronger! )

c) Take a break from relationships for awhile and discover something you LOVE to do. Invest in yourself first.

Afterwards, you will be better equipped to recognize and avoid those people described in #1.

It will take much, much hard work to find an equal partner who is capable of receiving and respecting your love and giving love in return. Knowing what you want/don't want and like/don't like will help. Best of luck to you sweetheart!
Last edited by WYskywatcher2; July 21,2009 at 5:45pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Emme is offline Emme Post #10  July 21,2009, 5:20pm

.

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2007

Boston

Posts: 1,274

See profile

Looks are in the eye of the beholder. You may not think she's attractive, and may think you are far more attractrive, but the truth is that attitude, playfulness, sense of humor, shared interests, rapt attention to what he says and other things make many women FAR more attractive to a man that the most spectacular super model may be to him. There is no explanation or way to know how attractive any particular woman is to any particular man. She's got something that clearly attracts him quite a bit. Feeling that your looks are the reason he should be more attracted to you doesn't give you enough credit. Don't rely on your looks, if you have been. Get interested in what he's interested in, or get him interested in things that interest you. Be flirty, be supportive, give killer smiles, etc. All of that will make any woman more attractive to a man than a killer body and great face.
Last edited by Emme; July 21,2009 at 6:16pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Summoning Courage While Sweating | Dating | Men I need your advice. Does he like me or not? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“ You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't tried it. If you do, please let us know how things go. . Lol!! Why don't you try it first ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“Trust your gut feelings! It seems to me his friend does not have a sense of boundaries and it seems that your boyfriend is doing nothing to discourage his constant annoying interference in your ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Lol yeah I do hope so. Thanks again! ” –  elyone

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“Jenky & PSG, you two are so great! I'm loving following your story! I admire you both for being brave enough to try this. LDRs are hard no matter how you look at it. It requires a significant ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “My Virtual Relationship or The five day first date” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:14am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0