Why you don't get a date


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doctorx0079 is offline doctorx0079 Post #1  June 24,2009, 7:59am
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I say, if a woman doesn't think you're good looking in the first 30 seconds of seeing you, you probably won't get a date with her. At least, it's very unlikely. Discuss.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #2  June 24,2009, 8:06am
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I am pretty content/comfortable with my life so if she isn't interested... whatever...
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stevex is offline stevex Post #3  June 24,2009, 8:11am
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doctorx0079 wrote :
I say, if a woman doesn't think you're good looking in the first 30 seconds of seeing you, you probably won't get a date with her. At least, it's very unlikely. Discuss.
How do you know if she thinks you are good looking or not? You don't. And seriously, guys meet tons of women every day who never thought twice about whether or not the guy they just met was attractive or not.
 
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doctorx0079 is offline doctorx0079 Post #4  June 24,2009, 8:18am
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stevex wrote :
How do you know if she thinks you are good looking or not? You don't. And seriously, guys meet tons of women every day who never thought twice about whether or not the guy they just met was attractive or not.
If she feels you are not good looking she probably will shoot you down. If she likes you she will probably say yes. The point is, there is nothing you can do or say that will make any difference. If all the women you ask out are much better looking than you, you will probably never get a date. Fear anger and bitterness come from wondering if all the women you ask out are much better looking than you.
 
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lkellyr is offline lkellyr Post #5  June 24,2009, 8:20am
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Wow. Making blanket statements like that isn't going to help you meet anyone. A man's personality, charisma and the chemistry I have with him are 1000 x more important than how he looks to me. I've dated men that are much better looking than me all the way to facially not handsome but with great personalites. Maybe you should try to be a little more open.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #6  June 24,2009, 9:12am
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I think that works both ways ... for the most part, you only have one chance to make a first impression -- and frequently, that first impression is based on looks and a general gut feeling, sometimes called "chemistry."

We can complain about it all we want, but it's the fact of life. It's no different than when you submit a resume for a job opening -- an employer doesn't possibly have the time to meet and interact with every single person that applies - so they have to rely on a first impression on paper as a screening process.

If a single person had to go on many dates with every individual they met so they could "truly get to know them" before deciding whether they were right for us, most of us would have to spend all of our time on dates with the wrong people.

Chemistry comes in many forms - and looks are one part of it. My most successful relationship was actually with someone who I didn't like (looks or personality) when I first met. We ran into each other a year later and something just clicked... I had people comment that he wasn't my usual type - but to me he was the hottest thing around. We can't always explain the wishes of the heart with the reasoning of the head.
 
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Trudy75 is offline Trudy75 Post #7  June 24,2009, 9:24am
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stevex wrote :
How do you know if she thinks you are good looking or not? You don't. And seriously, guys meet tons of women every day who never thought twice about whether or not the guy they just met was attractive or not.
Not really... I mean, when you first meet someone, you size them up and decide whether or not you like the way they look, move, smell etc. It's a completely shallow first impression, of course, and everyone's attracted to different things so someone who isn't the least bit attractive to one person might look like an absolute stud to someone else. My point is, we all judge by shallow criteria the first time we see someone. Then that impression of them is adjusted as we get to know them better, and then they can become more or less attractive.
 
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doctorx0079 is offline doctorx0079 Post #8  June 24,2009, 9:56am
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lkellyr wrote :
Wow. Making blanket statements like that isn't going to help you meet anyone. A man's personality, charisma and the chemistry I have with him are 1000 x more important than how he looks to me. I've dated men that are much better looking than me all the way to facially not handsome but with great personalites. Maybe you should try to be a little more open.
Open to what? Every girl I ask out shoots me down.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #9  June 24,2009, 10:01am
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doctorx0079 wrote :
Open to what? Every girl I ask out shoots me down.
Then you haven't found the right one yet. I think the previous poster's point was that complaining or blaming the opposite sex doesn't really get you anywhere.

By default, we all make judgments about who we want to be with - rather right or wrong.

I'm assuming you don't go around asking out every woman you know. By choosing which women you ask out, you are making a judgement or narrowing your field according to certain criteria. Why should the women be any different?
 
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doctorx0079 is offline doctorx0079 Post #10  June 24,2009, 10:04am
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blrdancer wrote :
Then you haven't found the right one yet. I think the previous poster's point was that complaining or blaming the opposite sex doesn't really get you anywhere.

By default, we all make judgments about who we want to be with - rather right or wrong.

I'm assuming you don't go around asking out every woman you know. By choosing which women you ask out, you are making a judgement or narrowing your field according to certain criteria. Why should the women be any different?
Okay, I'll admit I was just venting. It isn't a productive attitude.
 
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