Narcisstic Personality Disorder...this is long!


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MCP is offline MCP Post #1  April 29,2008, 1:31pm
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Here are some more signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder to look out for:Jealousy and possessiveness Excessive need to feel special, adored, loved, appreciated, or admired Rage attacks when you do not sufficiently meet his/her needs Controlling behaviors (trying to control how you spend your time, who you talk to, how you dress, etc.) Inflated self-esteem, or grandiosity (bragging, "fishing" for compliments) Dramatic, insecure behaviors Expecting you to take responsibility for making him/her feel better about him/herself Blaming you for behaviors or feelings (i.e., "YOU made me do this," or "YOU made me feel this way.") Not taking responsibility for angry behavior and justifying angry outbursts An attitude that demonstrates "the world revolves around me" and "you need to cater to my ideas, opinions, thoughts, and feelings." An unwillingness to reflect on his/her own behaviors

Pathological narcissism should not be construed as a form of psychosis because:

The narcissists is usually fully aware of the difference between true and false, real and make-belief, the invented and the extant, right and wrong. The narcissist consciously chooses to adopt one version of the events, an aggrandising narrative, a fairy-tale existence, a "what-if" counterfactual life. He is emotionally invested in his personal myth. The narcissist feels better as fiction than as fact – but he never loses sight of the fact that it is all just fiction.
Throughout, the narcissist is in full control of his faculties, cognisant of his choices, and goal-orientated. His behaviour is intentional and directional. He is a manipulator and his delusions are in the service of his stratagems. Hence his chameleon-like ability to change guises, his conduct, and his convictions on a dime.

Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question. Sex for the narcissist is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources of Narcissistic Supply. If it happens to be the most efficient weapon in the narcissist's arsenal – he makes profligate use of it. In other words: if the narcissist cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means (e.g., intellectually) – he resorts to sex. He then become a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with multiple partners. His sex partners are considered by him to be objects not of desire – but of Narcissistic Supply. It is through the processes of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist derives his badly needed narcissistic "fix". The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He usually exposes this side of him – in great detail – to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case resides in the act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination – the narcissist is forced to move on and to switch and bewitch partners very often

Pathological charmers react with rage and aggression when their intended targets prove to be impervious and resistant to their lure. This kind of narcissistic injury – being spurned and rebuffed – makes them feel threatened, rejected, and denuded. Being ignored amounts to a challenge to their uniqueness, entitlement, control, and superiority. Narcissists wither without constant Narcissistic Supply. When their charm fails to elicit it – they feel annulled, non-existent, and "dead".

Expectedly, they go to great lengths to secure said supply. It is only when their efforts are frustrated that the mask of civility and congeniality drops and reveals the true face of the narcissist – a predator on the prowl.
 
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MCP is offline MCP Post #2  April 29,2008, 1:49pm
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I forgot to add the reason I am posting this! I just wanted to give some of the information I have found in hopes of helping even one person. I am not guy basher but 97% are males, that still means that women can do this too.

I have read several posts about toxic relationships, deception,etc. I am still hurting right now from what I went through, and have decided not to dwell on this crap the rest of my life. However, I just felt compelled to at least share the characteristics so that perhaps I can prevent one person from going through what I have. Right now, I am in the "NPD's don't like to get dumped" stage and it includes anger, minor stalking and quite a bit of obsession. Ewwwww!
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #3  April 29,2008, 2:00pm
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6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

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An a-hole of a person is an a-hole whether it has an actual 'disorder' behind it or not male or female. I could care less, honestly about the definition or clues of a person that has this or not. I hope you move beyond this, chose someone awesome to have a relationship with the next time around. I think you're still dwelling it even if you say you aren't...why, because it sounds like he's still involved in your life by 'minor stalking' you. Take care of yourself and take precautions to protect your safety if you are being threatened.
 
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MCP is offline MCP Post #4  April 29,2008, 2:41pm
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Thanks gr8galmv!

No I am not dwelling any longer, but rather trying to exert some power by taking care of myself and my kids first. He has been told he no longer allowed on the property, and that I will not accept any calls or respond to emails. I was freaking out because of what others would hear, but I now know that if they believe something he says then they weren't right for me. (trust me, not that I am looking right now!)

I respect that you don't care about the descripton. I have always been able to detect an a - hole too, but nothing prepared me for this. Precautions are in place and I have been calling people whenever I am going anywhere as a safety factor for right now. I am strong and won't let a little obsessive behavior keep me from having a good time with life anymore!
 
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stillthesame is offline stillthesame Post #5  April 29,2008, 2:53pm
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feels like she is 21 again!

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i have had a narcissist boyfriend about 5 years ago.everything was about him.he has very charming and gave to illusion that has cared about people, mostly for show for people who did not know him very well.im so glad that i dont have to deal with him anymore!
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #6  April 29,2008, 2:54pm
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6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

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Yep safety safety safety with this guy, especially since you have kiddos! Good luck and that's good about letting people know where you are going just in case. I know when I have dates with someone new I'll either tell someone about it or leave myself a message or note at home just in case I don't return with info on the person I'm seeing.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #7  April 29,2008, 2:57pm
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I would go so far as to say that narcissism is perhaps America's biggest problem right now...not gas prices, or Iraq. Why? Because all these problems that come up in America (and the world) are fueled by typically immoral people...and you show me a moral narcissist and I'll show you caffine-free, diet Jolt.

In other words, most of the problems we face are people problems...issues relating to human nature ... wars of driven by "ThiS IS MINE!" thinking and that's normal but when it's spirals bad things happen.

And to "IN" I ask you to look at the work of Dennis Prager in this matter...it's a very popular topic for him as is happiness.
 
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RC_Cinci is offline RC_Cinci Post #8  April 29,2008, 2:58pm
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MCP, wrote :
Here are some more signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder to look out for:Jealousy and possessiveness Excessive need to feel special, adored, loved, appreciated, or admired Rage attacks when you do not sufficiently meet his/her needs Controlling behaviors (trying to control how you spend your time, who you talk to, how you dress, etc.) Inflated self-esteem, or grandiosity (bragging, "fishing" for compliments) Dramatic, insecure behaviors Expecting you to take responsibility for making him/her feel better about him/herself Blaming you for behaviors or feelings (i.e., "YOU made me do this," or "YOU made me feel this way.") Not taking responsibility for angry behavior and justifying angry outbursts An attitude that demonstrates "the world revolves around me" and "you need to cater to my ideas, opinions, thoughts, and feelings." An unwillingness to reflect on his/her own behaviors
Here'sa fun questionnaire you can post on your MySpace or Facebook area. Here goes:

Are you a Narcissist? Do you...

1) Have a grandiose sense of self-importance? (exaggerates or over-emphasizes achievements. Hint: If people start saying, "Long ago, in a galaxy Far, Far away..." every time you start a story...)

2) Are you pre-occupied with fantasies of unlimited success, perfect love, or ultimate power (either the "Disney Princess Syndrome" or a strange love for everything ninja counts)

3) Feel superior to others? (this includes using the words "intellectually superior" in your posts or feelings that your eH matches are far below you standing-wise)

4)Do you need an entourage/followers/people constantly complimenting you? (cult leaders, socialites, and the most powerful people in a high school lunch room all fall into this category)

5) Do people tell you that you expect too much from others? (If you've ever thrown a drink in a waiter's face because the lettuce in your salad wasn't crisp enough or thrown a tantrum because your significant other forgot Sweetest Day, you get a YES here)

6) Do you use others to get what you want rather than earning it? (and, no, flirting with a guy so that he'll buy you a drink does not count as earning it)

7) Do you have trouble feeling guilt or sorrow? (Anyone that thinks Darth Vader should have killed Luke, thrown The Emperor down an elevator shaft, and then blown up all the Ewoks with the Death Star in _Return of the Jedi_ gets a gold star on this one)

8) Has anyone ever told you that you should paint your nails green to match your eyes, even though your eyes are blue?

9) Have you ever trolled a topic or looked for a fight because you thought it would be fun?

10) Are you a cat person?

If you answered yes to...

0-3 of the above: You have yourself under control.. or you are a dog person. Maybe both.

4-5 and you are a borderline Narcissist or you are in the theater.. possibly both.

6 or more and you could easily haveNarcissistic Personality Disorder. You may want to see a psychologist.. or try out for a reality TV show.

I scored.. a four. Bleh. Who thinks up these questionairres, anyway?

-----

Joking aside, I find it interesting that a lot of qualities that allow others to become interested in us relationship-wise are considered personality disorders. Certainly, things like envy and a lack of empathy are bad... but how is anyone ever going to notice you if you don't talk about your exploits or occasionally show off? Further, the media sells us the "ultimate fantasies" almost from the time we are born (pretty much every Disney movie, Romance novels, etc, etc..), so how can we really blame people that are preoccupied with them?Many people (both men and women) seem to need compliments in order to validate their work/existance. Those are just my thoughts on the subject.

And.. "An a-hole of a person is an a-hole whether it has an actual 'disorder' behind it or not" is a quote that is worthy of being engraved in bronze and placed on a wall.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #9  May 1,2008, 12:04pm
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Just to add a little fuel to the discussion, a narcissicist can be a psychopath. All psychopaths are narcissiscists. The only little tweak to MCPs post to get there is that a psychopath (and there is a scale from 1 to 10 -- i.e. they're not all Charlie Mansons) doesn't always know right from wrong. Their wiring is really messed up.
 
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MCP is offline MCP Post #10  May 1,2008, 2:35pm
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livinagin,94752 wrote :
Just to add a little fuel to the discussion, a narcissicist can be a psychopath. All psychopaths are narcissiscists. The only little tweak to MCPs post to get there is that a psychopath (and there is a scale from 1 to 10 -- i.e. they're not all Charlie Mansons) doesn't always know right from wrong. Their wiring is really messed up.
No fuel to the fire, you are absolutely right. I didn't even go there with the psychopath because even the word narcissist is overused. It truly is sick how they think and there will never be true shame or guilt for their actions. There is continued blame on others, excuses, anger on one exteme and the other is the pathological use of saying "I'm sorry", but it is never meant, just another attempt to achieve their goal, their fix.
 
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