Two Dates and then Nothing!


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Italian57 is offline Italian57 Post #1  June 22,2009, 7:30pm
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Hi - Any comment/advice on this one would be helpful.

I met a really nice guy on eH. After about 2 weeks, we made it to open communication! I noticed in his profile that he was about 2 hours from me. I mentioned this several times in open communication and he made it very clear that he had NO problem with the distance.

So, we both drive about 1 hour for the first date. Goes great. A lot of chemistry for both! He wants to see me the next night. He told me to pick another location. We meet the next time and it is still about 1 hr away. The next day, I get a text. Had a great time and looks forward to seeing me again. We plan for the following week due to our schedule with our children. Guess what? Nothing for several days. I take the liberty to send him an e-mail. Very polite and asked if we were still on for next week. That was on a Saturday. Sunday, he sends an e-mail and decides that we are too far apart and he was not up for it. Said to stay and friends and see how it goes. This man is 52 years old. Is it just fun and games?

Question: Am I being blown off? Why didn't he consider this before we went through all the communication and talking. I did ask him if he felt it could be a potential problem. Of course, oh no! Why do men do this?

Curious in Cincy
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #2  June 22,2009, 7:41pm
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Likely on the second date he got to know you better and didn't feel as much of a connection anymore. That really didn't sink in until a day or two later. By then he had already decided his interest wasn't strong enough to drive 1 hour everytime to see you.

The distance only became an issue when his interest faded a bit. So the real development here was not how the distance bothered him, but something else he learned or felt about you.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #3  June 22,2009, 8:13pm

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Italian57 wrote :
Hi - Any comment/advice on this one would be helpful.

I met a really nice guy on eH. After about 2 weeks, we made it to open communication! I noticed in his profile that he was about 2 hours from me. I mentioned this several times in open communication and he made it very clear that he had NO problem with the distance.

So, we both drive about 1 hour for the first date. Goes great. A lot of chemistry for both! He wants to see me the next night. He told me to pick another location. We meet the next time and it is still about 1 hr away. The next day, I get a text. Had a great time and looks forward to seeing me again. We plan for the following week due to our schedule with our children. Guess what? Nothing for several days. I take the liberty to send him an e-mail. Very polite and asked if we were still on for next week. That was on a Saturday. Sunday, he sends an e-mail and decides that we are too far apart and he was not up for it. Said to stay and friends and see how it goes. This man is 52 years old. Is it just fun and games?

Question: Am I being blown off? Why didn't he consider this before we went through all the communication and talking. I did ask him if he felt it could be a potential problem. Of course, oh no! Why do men do this?

Curious in Cincy

Yes, he changed his mind? Why for the same reason that people say,
I didn't know the gun was loaded! Well what was he thinking at the time? Why did he pick up the gun or make the date? It seemed like a good idea at the time!


Harvey7.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #4  June 22,2009, 8:42pm
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perhaps his father died young. if so, he's got bad genes and an hour is too far for him because he's got less than 20 years left in him - only 10 of which may be 'good years.'
 
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thoom45 is offline thoom45 Post #5  June 22,2009, 8:59pm
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robv_la wrote :
Likely on the second date he got to know you better and didn't feel as much of a connection anymore. That really didn't sink in until a day or two later. By then he had already decided his interest wasn't strong enough to drive 1 hour everytime to see you.

The distance only became an issue when his interest faded a bit. So the real development here was not how the distance bothered him, but something else he learned or felt about you.
robv is correct here.

He just wasn't "2 hours" into you. Something didn't "click" on the 2nd date for him. Perhaps if you lived closer, then he would have been able to try a few more dates since it would be less work.

So, it's quite possible for the distance to become an issue later on.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  June 22,2009, 9:15pm
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robv_la wrote :
Likely on the second date he got to know you better and didn't feel as much of a connection anymore. That really didn't sink in until a day or two later. By then he had already decided his interest wasn't strong enough to drive 1 hour everytime to see you.

The distance only became an issue when his interest faded a bit. So the real development here was not how the distance bothered him, but something else he learned or felt about you.
I'm not a man (at least as far as I know), but I'm inclined to go with this explanation.
 
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MasamuneBlue84 is offline MasamuneBlue84 Post #7  June 22,2009, 10:06pm
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Gotta reply for a person living in the arse-end of the country, oh sorry, I mean Southwestern Ohio.

Distance issues are, as pointed out above, really indicative not of issues WITH distance, so much as, issues which are compounded BY distance. It's unfortunate he couldn't be more honest about why he wasn't as interested in continuing on as you were, but that should probably send a red flag up anyway.

Normally I'd say something along the lines of gas being what it is, but I doubt that's really the case here unless you have some insight for us about potential financial issues with the driving. I mean, for me that'd be like a quarter of a tank per date. HARDLY unreasonable, I mean, I've used more just driving with my date and discussing things while we traveled around the city.

But, you mentioned children as well, which suggests both divorcees? Maybe you're just not the kind of woman he imagines being a stepmother to his children. Maybe he's backing out as gracefully as he can because he doesn't think his children would accept you and he's trying to let you off without having to deal with that situation.

Could be a lot of things, but it doesn't sound like anything you can change, so I would suggest not stressing it.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 23,2009, 2:38am
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Distance has nothing to do with this. What he did is essentially back out gracefully. He got to know you a little better and decided that he does not like you after all. Instead of telling you how he no longer likes you because of xyz shortcomings that you have in his eyes, he simply blamed distance. If he did like you, distance would not be an issue.
 
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GILKEY is offline GILKEY Post #9  June 23,2009, 3:09am
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I drove 270 miles one way to see the match I eventually married.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #10  June 23,2009, 4:43am
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Someone else in the picture, during the "nothing for several days" period. That's why men and women do this. That is why the before: "that's fine" and after:"no, it's a problem." thing, cowards trying to be "diplomatic". It happens all the time. It's not you, it's his situation.
Italian57 wrote :
Hi - Any comment/advice on this one would be helpful.

I met a really nice guy on eH. After about 2 weeks, we made it to open communication! I noticed in his profile that he was about 2 hours from me. I mentioned this several times in open communication and he made it very clear that he had NO problem with the distance.

So, we both drive about 1 hour for the first date. Goes great. A lot of chemistry for both! He wants to see me the next night. He told me to pick another location. We meet the next time and it is still about 1 hr away. The next day, I get a text. Had a great time and looks forward to seeing me again. We plan for the following week due to our schedule with our children. Guess what? Nothing for several days. I take the liberty to send him an e-mail. Very polite and asked if we were still on for next week. That was on a Saturday. Sunday, he sends an e-mail and decides that we are too far apart and he was not up for it. Said to stay and friends and see how it goes. This man is 52 years old. Is it just fun and games?

Question: Am I being blown off? Why didn't he consider this before we went through all the communication and talking. I did ask him if he felt it could be a potential problem. Of course, oh no! Why do men do this?

Curious in Cincy
 
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