grapefruitjuice is offline grapefruitjuice Post #1  June 21,2009, 3:33pm
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What do you do if you realize you moved too fast in the first couple of dates and may have scared him off and now you want to slow things down? Is there a way to let him know that without making yourself sound clingy/insecure/etc.

I know that 99% of time, people probably don't get a second chance to change that first impression and there's "plenty of fish in the sea" but I'm willing to make a little effort in finding a solution because we really clicked.
 
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dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #2  June 22,2009, 1:05pm
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I think the problem is that people remember how you made them feel not necessarily the words that you said. Therefore, I think backing off is all you can do. Give it some time. Perhaps things will change later on.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  June 22,2009, 1:15pm
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Moved too fast in what way?
 
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grapefruitjuice is offline grapefruitjuice Post #4  June 22,2009, 6:01pm
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Yup, I've backed off.

Physically moved too fast but no sex, which was still a shock in itself because I've never gone that fast before. I just got so comfortable with him and the banter was great.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  June 22,2009, 6:10pm
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That doesn’t sound too bad.

I’d expect an interested man to call within a few days – though after a couple of dates you should start to see some pattern in communication.

I would try to let him call, but if he hasn’t within about a week, you could try asking him out. It can do no harm.
I think you are best off resisting the urge to explain / defend something that isn’t wrong, as that just seems weak and calls attention.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 23,2009, 11:30am
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There is this thing called communication. If you feel that things were moving too fast and you want to slow it down then you could communicate this to him by talking to him.

Wow, what a concept, talking!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #7  June 23,2009, 12:33pm
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Is it you who wants to slow down because you really want to slow down or just because you feel like you might have scared him off? I think that if you two really clicked than you should be able to talk to him either way and explain to him that your intention wasn't to speed through things and that you just felt there was good chemistry and that you would like to continue seeing him. I think if you were straight forward about it he should understand if he is any bit of an understanding guy and if he isn't than do you really want to be with him?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #8  June 23,2009, 1:36pm
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It happens all the time. People dating may get overwhelmed by sudden affection/attraction...then oops...what was I thinking? This may work out, just accept that you are human, and now step back to a place of dignity,and if he thinks it out and does as well, it could get back on track
grapefruitjuice wrote :
What do you do if you realize you moved too fast in the first couple of dates and may have scared him off and now you want to slow things down? Is there a way to let him know that without making yourself sound clingy/insecure/etc.

I know that 99% of time, people probably don't get a second chance to change that first impression and there's "plenty of fish in the sea" but I'm willing to make a little effort in finding a solution because we really clicked.
 
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grapefruitjuice is offline grapefruitjuice Post #9  June 23,2009, 9:14pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
It happens all the time. People dating may get overwhelmed by sudden affection/attraction...then oops...what was I thinking? This may work out, just accept that you are human, and now step back to a place of dignity,and if he thinks it out and does as well, it could get back on track
That is exactly what happened! I have not dated much before especially with guys of which I have no prior knowledge (my past boyfriends have always begun through mutual friends, easy, just evolved into serious relationships) and have never moved that fast before, either.

As for Stevex "...you really want to slow down or just because you feel like you might have scared him off?" It's the latter. I don't wholly regret the "mistake" because it was an exciting new experience, but yeah, I didn't know I'd do that, and now I'm not going to move that fast anymore.

And to address the sarcastic "There is this thing called communication....
Wow, what a concept, talking!"

We did talk on the phone after that second date, and I did bring up that maybe we moved too fast and it didn't sound like it was an issue for him but it seemed like he was taken off guard by being confronted with it.

And to DLion "...though after a couple of dates you should start to see some pattern in communication."

I closed the match because yeah, I did see that when he was interested, he had no problem sending me lots of emails/txts telling me when he was available to talk.

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!
 
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