Do Men Really Want a Successful & Educated Woman?


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PoliticalChick01 is offline PoliticalChick01 Post #1  June 20,2009, 4:39pm
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As someone who has been back in the dating world for the past few months, my question is for the guys. Do you really want to date someone who is sucessful and educated as you claim, or in reality is that something that intimidates you?

I wondering this as the past 2 guys that I have gone out with has mentioned to me during our 1st date that they were unsure of going out with me at first as I intimidated them..... what???

I asked them for further clarification and they said that they were intimated by the fact that, in their words, " I'm attractive, I am a college graduate, own my own home and car, volunteer with the USO on the side, and work for the government." I'm lost as how this is intimidating as guys say they are looking for girls that are educated and have a successful job, but honestly do you really want that or someone that is not as educated as you and doesn't have their own house/car??

Since those two dates, I have not gone out with those 2 guys again even though they asked me out again as why would I want to date someone that is insecure with themselves that they would tell a girl that they intimidate them.

You would think that a guy would want a girl that can at least knows what is going on in the world that can hold a conversation with you and has a job so I wouldn't have to be a gold digger and mooch off you. Is it more the fact that I own my own townhouse that scared them off and they rent??? At least I am not homeless.

Guys, can you give me some insight into this as why you say you want a girl that is educated, has a job and is successful, then turn around and act another way when you find a girl that has all the qualities you want?
 
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StPaulGuy is offline StPaulGuy Post #2  June 20,2009, 4:54pm
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You should weed them out better if you don't want to date anyone that is not well-educated or intelligent. Usually I am pretty clear with the person that I would prefer a woman who reads The New York Times, New Yorker or The Atlantic.

I don't know about the renter vs being a home owner. I personally rent, and don't have a problem if the girl owns her home and her car. The bigger thing for me is having something to say on where we are as a society, culture, people etc etc.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  June 20,2009, 5:01pm
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This is one of those things that I keep hearing but refuse to believe. I will make some guesses:

They say this to avoid a hurtful reason for turning you down.

They want to be controlling, and are looking for an easier target.

I do not even bother meeting women without at least one degree (and I usually need two before we’re likely to have decent conversation), and a full time job that either pays a decent salary or requires the skill-sets of those that do (meaning I would accept non-profit, or even non-paid, positions, but not clerical positions.)

What you think is right; you just need to meet some better menz.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  June 20,2009, 5:40pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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How educated or successful a woman is means little to me. These neither intimidate nor impress me. It's other qualities that are important to me. Also, remember that someone can have little formal education but still be very up to date as to what is happening in the world and can also be wonderful to talk to. The opposite can also be true of educated/successful people.
 
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logicalmind is offline logicalmind Post #5  June 20,2009, 5:44pm
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i have the same thoughts running around in my head. i am no stranger to dating and find it quite difficult in locating a match who is not intimidated by conversation that goes beyond nascar. the few men who do say they want to date educated women that own their own home, car and pay own bills are only interested for a short time...until ms. destitute comes along and needs to be rescued....and then ms independant is left lonely again. this cycle had become so frustrating for me that i stopped dating for the longest time.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  June 20,2009, 6:01pm
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D_Lion wrote :

I do not even bother meeting women without at least one degree (and I usually need two before we’re likely to have decent conversation),
Can you elaborate a little on this one? I'm left with the impression you are saying women lacking a degree have nothing worthwhile to contribute in a conversation with you ... and I'm doubtful that was the impression you wished to convey.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  June 20,2009, 6:29pm
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I wrote the post quickly … I’m going to get it tonight, too, since every time this topic comes up, comments like mine get attacked (by anecdotes.)

In my experience, I had not been able to get a substantive, interesting conversation with a date that lacked a degree (it’s all about TV stars, TV shows, pets, and her family.) Even with most of those who have one, I still have this problem. It is one my bigger dating frustrations.

I wouldn’t call it “nothing worthwhile,” I would call it “uninteresting,” which is a matter of personal taste, not a moral judgment.

Excepting rare people, not having a degree shuts you out of the labor market. I will not take the risk of a commitment with someone who is not onboard with the preparation and intent to pursue professional advancement (this is also a matter of lifestyle / values compatibility for me.)
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  June 20,2009, 6:39pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I wrote the post quickly … I’m going to get it tonight, too, since every time this topic comes up, comments like mine get attacked (by anecdotes.)

In my experience, I had not been able to get a substantive, interesting conversation with a date that lacked a degree (it’s all about TV stars, TV shows, pets, and her family.) Even with most of those who have one, I still have this problem. It is one my bigger dating frustrations.
You sure are...
You think it takes 2 degrees to stop talking about TV stars and pets? I have 2, and I still talk about them at times (lucky you missed that ).

You are a rather unique individual yourself, and thankfully, there are some others like you. But the OP is right - in my experience, a lot of men are intimidated by well-educated, ambitious women. There is this 80's association of being a total b*tch in a business suit with huge shoulder pads, who wants to wear the pants in the family. It usually takes a little while to disspell the myth. It's just a fact of life, I'm afraid. At least for now.
 
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Czidvar is offline Czidvar Post #9  June 20,2009, 6:55pm
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I totally prefer it, and welcome it, though it still is a little intimidating if not just because I worry what she will think of me. Because I do not have a steady job (or one at all right now. Thanks economy!) and want to go after a profession that does not guarantee a steady paycheck I fear they are going to see me as a mooch or a failure. Yes, I am 27 and currently living in my parent's basement since I lost my job (rent in Chicago is insane, although I could barely afford it with a job and can't afford it anywhere now.) Either the reason I never get anywhere, even here on GH, I definitely think this, or I am a lot fatter than I perceive myself to be.

Sometimes it can lead to a little self doubt for us guys I think. I can't see why it would if they are just as successful or more successful, but for me I might feel like I am not pulling my own weight in the world.
 
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BadAtNickNames is offline BadAtNickNames Post #10  June 20,2009, 7:11pm
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I would actually like to date a woman who is SMARTER than me. Most of the women around here are airheads, so a woman who is smarter than me would be a breath of fresh air. My problem is with women (and people in general) who think they're TOO GOOD for me because they went to an elite school and have an elite job.

PoliticalChick01 wrote :

Guys, can you give me some insight into this as why you say you want a girl that is educated, has a job and is successful, then turn around and act another way when you find a girl that has all the qualities you want?
Last edited by BadAtNickNames; June 20,2009 at 7:14pm.
 
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