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blrdancer blrdancer is offline
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I once had a guy tell me on a date that he wouldn't want to date a woman smarter than him ... what???

First of all, I almost had to hold back my laughter that he would be so insulting as to make this comment on a date (this wasn't a first date -- so I guess he'd already decided I was less intelligent.)

This pretty much clarified that we weren't the best match...
- June 20th, 2009, 10:21 pm
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Austringer Austringer is offline
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logicalmind wrote :
i have the same thoughts running around in my head. i am no stranger to dating and find it quite difficult in locating a match who is not intimidated by conversation that goes beyond nascar. the few men who do say they want to date educated women that own their own home, car and pay own bills are only interested for a short time...until ms. destitute comes along and needs to be rescued....and then ms independant is left lonely again. this cycle had become so frustrating for me that i stopped dating for the longest time.

I'm just the opposite of the men you're talking about. I have a hard time finding well educated and entrepreneural women to date. I have ended dates early b/c I could not get the date beyond simple pop culture conversation. I love to date doctors, engineers and business owners because they generally know what's going on in the world. My last real date (we are friends but no connection) was with a internal medicine physician and we had the most interesting conversation about population control, space medicine, physics and other topics. I love stimulating conversation, but I have such a hard time finding it. Don't give up, the type of men you are looking for are out there. Just have to look hard for us.
- June 20th, 2009, 10:34 pm
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chrlesmd chrlesmd is offline
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It really depends on the guy. Some guys prefer intelligent women while others don't seek a lot upstairs. Personally, I prefer someone who's intelligent, but not obnoxiously so. If I have to start breaking out the dictionary, then we might have a problem .
- June 20th, 2009, 10:50 pm
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Edmondo Edmondo is offline
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OK there is a mix of subjects here.

Having a degree is nice but does not always mean success or all around intelligence.

I have met physicist who had PhD’s but yet were barely making it. Bill Gates does not have a degree. When Steve Jobs ran Apple neither did he. I went out with a high school teacher with multiple degrees but lacked critical thinking and had no clue of current events.

I had met a woman ran a hospital. When we went out she barked orders like she was still doing her job. It seemed that most conversations almost bordered on arguments. And yet she wondered why she intimidated men. It reminds me of something my dad once told me; it’s nice to be important but more important to be nice.

I my self would love to met someone intelligent and successful but still be a compassionate human being.
Last edited by Edmondo; June 21st, 2009 at 09:31 am.
- June 21st, 2009, 09:23 am
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Czidvar Czidvar is offline
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Edmondo wrote :
OK there is a mix of subjects here.

Having a degree is nice but does not always mean success or all around intelligence.

I have met physicist who had PhD’s but yet were barely making it. Bill Gates does not have a degree. When Steve Jobs ran Apple neither did he. I went out with a high school teacher with multiple degrees but lacked critical thinking and had no clue of current events.

I had met a woman ran a hospital. When we went out she barked orders like she was still doing her job. It seemed that most conversations almost bordered on arguments. And yet she wondered why she intimidated men. It reminds me of something my dad once told me; it’s nice to be important but more important to be nice.

I my self would love to met someone intelligent and successful but still be a compassionate human being.

DINGDINGDINGDING!!! Everyone who is saying degrees equal intelligence is sounding very elitist and making me not like them. Degrees equal time and money spent learning something formally. I read history and reference books in my spare time if I feel like it. I don't need to pay someone else to learn things.
- June 21st, 2009, 10:05 am
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Czidvar wrote :
DINGDINGDINGDING!!! Everyone who is saying degrees equal intelligence is sounding very elitist and making me not like them. Degrees equal time and money spent learning something formally. I read history and reference books in my spare time if I feel like it. I don't need to pay someone else to learn things.
Although it's true that degrees don't equal intelligence, an advanced degree means a lot more than simply time and money spent learning something. If that were not the case, more of us would simply opt to save the money and pick up books on our own time and read them instead. In addition to the obviously required perseverance, tenacity, and dedication toward achieving a goal, earning my degree also involved the deep exploration and exchange of ideas, the development and implementation of sophisticated research ideas, the creation and sharing of new knowledge, the application of complex statistical methods, the development of new understandings of different intellectual structures and frameworks, and more. It would be very difficult to achieve that without being in the intellectually stimulating and challenging environment and supportive structure of a university-based advanced degree program. Different degree programs vary, of course, depending on the discipline and the university, but any legitimate course of study is going to include most of those elements.

There is, of course, nothing wrong with not seeking that kind of training. There are smart people who do and smart people who don't. And, there are all kinds of avenues in life for doing some kind of work that you enjoy and that allows you to support yourself. But, let's please not denigrate the real achievements of those who do choose the advanced degree option.
- June 21st, 2009, 11:05 am
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PoliticalChick01 wrote :
As someone who has been back in the dating world for the past few months, my question is for the guys. Do you really want to date someone who is sucessful and educated as you claim, or in reality is that something that intimidates you?

I wondering this as the past 2 guys that I have gone out with has mentioned to me during our 1st date that they were unsure of going out with me at first as I intimidated them..... what???

I asked them for further clarification and they said that they were intimated by the fact that, in their words, " I'm attractive, I am a college graduate, own my own home and car, volunteer with the USO on the side, and work for the government." I'm lost as how this is intimidating as guys say they are looking for girls that are educated and have a successful job, but honestly do you really want that or someone that is not as educated as you and doesn't have their own house/car??

Since those two dates, I have not gone out with those 2 guys again even though they asked me out again as why would I want to date someone that is insecure with themselves that they would tell a girl that they intimidate them.

You would think that a guy would want a girl that can at least knows what is going on in the world that can hold a conversation with you and has a job so I wouldn't have to be a gold digger and mooch off you. Is it more the fact that I own my own townhouse that scared them off and they rent??? At least I am not homeless.

Guys, can you give me some insight into this as why you say you want a girl that is educated, has a job and is successful, then turn around and act another way when you find a girl that has all the qualities you want?


I've never had the good luck to date a woman intellectually smarter than me. Sure one of my ex-girlfriends was well informed, has a BA, is a social & emotional genius and had high grades. But it was rote memory per her intellectual status. Intellectually she was not a genius or even close. Her iq was above average, she has done quite well in business, owns her own home and is successful in life.

My ex-wife on the other hand never went to college but is smarter than most women with a Masters Degree, that I have met. Why? Because of life experience & she's from Europe, etc. There's a lot more but I can't comment. She's more intelligent & informed than most Americans per politics, geography & history. She's also extremely good in business (owns her 2nd business) but not so good in Customer Service.

Bottomline I believe it depends on chemistry and the woman's personality than her income. Why would I be intimidated because a woman's educated? Being educated doesn't mean you have a high iq, are original or creative.

However if she has an average iq or above average iq, is an "intellectual"* snob, is difficult and comes across as being too "I don't NEED** a man but want a man" type of mentality, heck I don't look a 2nd time. Why at this stage of my life would I need a difficult woman?

I'd rather choose an easier going, friendly, down to Earth, wiser woman who in the past has had good male role models in her life. So rather than tell women this, imho Dating Articles tell women men don't want to date successful women. Buzzer.....wrong! We don't want to date difficult women. To heck with a power struggle, life is too short to have daily fights over gerrunds and participles imho.

If you can't cooperate, what's the point? Hey if there are any intellectual geniuses [women] out there, give me a holler. Maybe we can create our own theory. Until then I am forced to date women whose iqs don't match mine. But their skills including being Master of observations, emotional and social iqs make up for it. I'd also love to date a creative genious.

*yes that's called humor...
**a woman needs her children, her mother, food, water, etc but she doesn't "need" a man? Youch I'm out.
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- June 21st, 2009, 11:09 am
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stevex stevex is offline
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I can only answer the original question based on my thoughts. I personally want a successful & educated woman. I have no desire to be a sugar daddy nor do I have the desire to be with someone who I can't have conversations with about a plethora of various topics. My best female friend (who sadly lives 26 miles away) and I have the best conversations that can last for hours and expand a broad range of topics. She is studying genetics and does posses a much wider range of knowledge in science and medicine than I do but that doesn't intimidate me. She is the kind of person that loves to learn and so I have been able to share my knowledge about politics and technology and the things that I am interested with her.

Several thoughts here, some guys honestly do not like to believe that women are equal and therefore are truly intimidated by a partner who has more knowledge or who is more successful than they are. Obviously as a successful woman these are the guys that you certainly want to weed out.

There are other guys that are intimidated just because they have a low self esteem. I would probably give these guys a chance and if you talk down to them or help them realize that they aren't lower than you are than you might be able to have a great relationships (however that could be a lot of work).

Personally, dating an uneducated or not so successful woman isn't a total no situation for me. I mean I would likely be willing to give her a shot. Certainly if she was someone who at least interested in some of the same things that I was and if I was able to have conversation with her on an intellectual level.

On the flip side, if I was with someone who did have more education and who was more successful than I, while I wouldn't be intimidated if she ended up talking down to me or treating me as if I was less than her than obviously there would be a problem and I wouldn't date her.
- June 21st, 2009, 11:18 am
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outlaw1 outlaw1 is offline
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Originally Posted by Czidvar

DINGDINGDINGDING!!! Everyone who is saying degrees equal intelligence is sounding very elitist and making me not like them. Degrees equal time and money spent learning something formally. I read history and reference books in my spare time if I feel like it. I don't need to pay someone else to learn things.
__________________________________________



Neardc wrote:


Although it's true that degrees don't equal intelligence, an advanced degree means a lot more than simply time and money spent learning something. If that were not the case, more of us would simply opt to save the money and pick up books on our own time and read them instead. In addition to the obviously required perseverance, tenacity, and dedication toward achieving a goal, earning my degree also involved the deep exploration and exchange of ideas, the development and implementation of sophisticated research ideas, the creation and sharing of new knowledge, the application of complex statistical methods, the development of new understandings of different intellectual structures and frameworks, and more. It would be very difficult to achieve that without being in the intellectually stimulating and challenging environment and supportive structure of a university-based advanced degree program. Different degree programs vary, of course, depending on the discipline and the university, but any legitimate course of study is going to include most of those elements.

There is, of course, nothing wrong with not seeking that kind of training. There are smart people who do and smart people who don't. And, there are all kinds of avenues in life for doing some kind of work that you enjoy and that allows you to support yourself. But, let's please not denigrate the real achievements of those who do choose the advanced degree option.
- Today, 10:05 am


_________________________________________

To imply a college degree equals intellectual ability and/or iq is high mistaken. I've worked with millionaires who barely had high school diplomas if even that much. Some of the most intelligent people I've met never had a high school diploma.

There are poor, inner-city children, largely abandoned who are geniuses. If given the chance (and I hope Obama has a program for his) they can mightily contribute to American society. Iq and a college degree simply are too different items.

I've met so many ignorant people in NYC with Masters Degrees (it was a special project of mine where I had to interview people in my field) that it was almost criminal compared to some of the fantastic minority people I worked with who only had a 2 year college degree.

Being an elitist rarely translate into someone with a high iq. You are either born with one or without. Rather it usually translates into being just another thinker stuck inside the elitists cardboard box.
- June 21st, 2009, 11:20 am
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Originally Posted by Edmondo

OK there is a mix of subjects here.
Having a degree is nice but does not always mean success or all around intelligence.

I have met physicist who had PhD’s but yet were barely making it. Bill Gates does not have a degree. When Steve Jobs ran Apple neither did he. I went out with a high school teacher with multiple degrees but lacked critical thinking and had no clue of current events.

I had met a woman ran a hospital. When we went out she barked orders like she was still doing her job. It seemed that most conversations almost bordered on arguments. And yet she wondered why she intimidated men. It reminds me of something my dad once told me; it’s nice to be important but more important to be nice.

I my self would love to met someone intelligent and successful but still be a compassionate human being.



_________________________________________
Czidvar wrote :
DINGDINGDINGDING!!! Everyone who is saying degrees equal intelligence is sounding very elitist and making me not like them. Degrees equal time and money spent learning something formally. I read history and reference books in my spare time if I feel like it. I don't need to pay someone else to learn things.

Excellent posts and I concur. When an older friend of mine had his 3rd successful business, he didn't have a high school diploma. But he read a lot and took some night courses. In fact he was always learning, talking to people and going the extra mile.
- June 21st, 2009, 11:26 am
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