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rbtryrd1 rbtryrd1 is offline
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Obviously I can't get inside the head of the two men that were intimidated by by your education and independent nature. On the face of it and based on your description,they seem to be insecure. Most men equate there status with the perceived importance of the type of work and or education level that they have attained. The garbage man vs. a doctor. Both are important jobs.
I think most men by nature want to be the protector and provider,obviously there are the exceptions. Men want to be looked up to,desired and respected by there potential spouse. You may have come across to them as someone that "doesn't need a man in her life but wants one". I can't tell you how many times I've read this and similar statements in a womans profile. Kind of like a pet,you don't need one you just want one. Just an emotional outlet when you need it and a pain in the rear when you don't.
- June 28th, 2009, 11:29 am
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bluewater bluewater is offline
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Regardless of education or stature in society, people who are going to connect are predestined to do so. I would encourage you to keep being you and keep reaching for the goals that you have and as you go along, the man who God has planned for you will cross your path and the conversation will not be dull nor will the sense of self worth be invalidated by who you are, because he will know who he is!
- June 28th, 2009, 12:52 pm
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damian64 damian64 is offline
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Real Men Do!!!
Personally I'm impressed by anyone who applies themselves and takes on challenging life choices. Understanding that some individuals; especially women, may be hampered by socio-economic, or even sadly, race issues. Having been educated in both culinary and engineering fields, I personally strive for women who have chosen a professional career path. I look for those in the sciences or medical fields. In the past; I spent ten years on relationships with women who failed to apply themselves to their true potential. I was either helping them get their citizenship or helping them get their lives in order by paying their bills. For me; I want a woman who is strong enough to stand on her own yet someone who will not be offended when I hold the door for them. Yes; I love to cook for my dates and enjoy helping them with their personal issues. (YADDA, yadda, yadda)!!! Bottom line... I would go to hell and back for a woman I truely love; but what (I) want a strong woman who can walk side by side with me and not behind me.
- June 28th, 2009, 03:53 pm
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meanminicooper meanminicooper is offline
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I dont know about everyone else, but I would LOVE to be with a woman who was crass, ignorant and not even remotely successful.

I think the stereotype that men are intimidated by successful women comes from successful women who are approached by the 5% of men who figure if they approach 20 women in a night, one will sleep with them. When he figures out that a particular woman is educated and respectes herself, he moves on and since this interaction is rapid, it stands out in her mind.
- June 28th, 2009, 06:39 pm
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Gentleman866 Gentleman866 is offline
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Yes we do! The problem is us men for good or for bad. I think two things drive the intimidation in dating a successful woman...the male traditional role and criticism from our peers.

Traditionally from the older generations, we are taught by our parents that the male role is the be the "provider" so that we can take care of the females in an relationship. The younger generation is evolving to accept the "not in control" complex and see a person as they are...successful or not successful (both male and female). Secondly, our peers tend to insight emotions that make us feel we are the failure in the relationship and have no say.

I , at the age of 42, have grown up that way but as I got older, noticed the traditional ways were diminishing in me because I am the believer that a great relationship in this time requires both to work together and, with combined strengths and weaknesses, will achieve healthy, prosperous life in the relationship.

I do want to caution, both, that some act like they want to work together to a degree then slack off or drop out of the relationship leaving the other one with the burdens. I, my brother, and my best friend have been through that and it is hard to detect. If you feel in the beginning that a habit is forming, you need to decide how long/far you are willing to go.

Enjoy life, just tell them that it's just dating for now and not to look at your success as a turn off. It shows you willing to achieve in life and enjoy it with someone special.
- June 29th, 2009, 06:35 am
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lady4grace lady4grace is offline
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I am going to answer this as I would for one of my beautiful and successful daughters; and I have two. I know a guy's reply would be more appreciated but here goes:
First- of course the guy who appreciates and cares for you will not end up being intimidated by your career. that is a given.
But second- it is really common for people as they are introduced and begin to know one another to be surprised by someone else's strengths, and to feel a bit intimidated, if they have not run into that many strong successful women before. The fact that they have the courage to move ahead with the humility and honesty to be candid about how they initially felt is flattering, and I don't feel they should be dismissed for that alone. Of course,
Third-- If they cannot keep up with you in coversation, or their ability to think about things, or can't argue with you about their perspective, then they might not make great life-partners.
Last edited by lady4grace; June 29th, 2009 at 07:13 am. Reason: misspellings
- June 29th, 2009, 07:10 am
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6dle899 6dle899 is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
In my experience, I had not been able to get a substantive, interesting conversation with a date that lacked a degree (it’s all about TV stars, TV shows, pets, and her family.) Even with most of those who have one, I still have this problem. It is one my bigger dating frustrations.
fwiw I have had that *EXACT* same trouble lately.


I forgot the name of the Woody Allen movie where Wooody, a New Yorker, comes out to LA and becomes very successfull in Hollywood, when he moves there.

He invites a NY friend out to LA who had never been there before, and they go to Beverly Hills.

The friend from NY is amazed at how clean it is around, and says, "Wow it is so clean out here in LA. In New York City, we have garbage piled ten stories high.

Out here in Hollywood, though, it is so clean!!


What do you do with all your garbage?"



and Woody says: "Oh, we put it on TV !!!"
- June 29th, 2009, 07:27 pm
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RST1981 RST1981 is offline
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It is generally human being to have a desire to be needed (it makes one feel important). Hence some people (male or female) would naturally prefer Mr/Ms. Destitute over Mr/Ms. Independant. Education probably has little to do - it's probably more about the personality.
- June 30th, 2009, 08:16 am
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DIVINE_DESIGNS7 DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is offline
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You are not alone girl I have the same trouble. All I can figure out is men are intimidated by women like us. sigh....Stay positive!
- July 2nd, 2009, 09:01 pm
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DIVINE_DESIGNS7 DIVINE_DESIGNS7 is offline
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damian64 wrote :
Real Men Do!!!
Personally I'm impressed by anyone who applies themselves and takes on challenging life choices. Understanding that some individuals; especially women, may be hampered by socio-economic, or even sadly, race issues. Having been educated in both culinary and engineering fields, I personally strive for women who have chosen a professional career path. I look for those in the sciences or medical fields. In the past; I spent ten years on relationships with women who failed to apply themselves to their true potential. I was either helping them get their citizenship or helping them get their lives in order by paying their bills. For me; I want a woman who is strong enough to stand on her own yet someone who will not be offended when I hold the door for them. Yes; I love to cook for my dates and enjoy helping them with their personal issues. (YADDA, yadda, yadda)!!! Bottom line... I would go to hell and back for a woman I truely love; but what (I) want a strong woman who can walk side by side with me and not behind me.
How refreshing to read your post! I wish there were more men like you!!!
- July 2nd, 2009, 09:49 pm
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LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/26049-do-men-really-want-successful-and-educated-woman.html
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