Ms. Rev,


You convey a very appropriate attitude – and one that is far from unanimous among women seeking mates. Many women, however, do want a prince charming. They indicate such by the criteria they identify as being important.


I have gone beyond Master's Degree level, so that degree certainly does not "intimidate" me. I do not regard being a minister as particularly "successful" (any more than being a teacher, a nurse, a real estate broker, etc).

However, I would not pursue a relationship with a female minister – NOT because she was successful or "powerful" or degreed, but because she is obviously (or apparently) religious and I am not, and because I am not interested in having my relationships shaped by religious considerations, and because I am not interested in discussing religious theories.

Unless I told you this, you would not know why I did not respond to you or contact you. You could SPECULATE that it was because you are successful or intimidating (or old or young, or tall or short, or heavy or skinny), but you would be dead wrong.

It is not my concern whether anyone is right or wrong in their thinking – that is their problem, not mine. However, I point out for all to consider that we seldom know the real reason people do not pursue contact with us (even if they offer a "good" reason).

We make large blunders when we assume that we know what we do not know.


That's life. It is known as "kissing frogs". We put out a notice that we are available and the vast majority of people couldn't care less – for whatever reason. When our announcement is treated with indifference, many become bitter and resentful, particularly "older" women who "know" that the reason they are not sought after as mates is their age or appearance – perhaps not realizing that being bitter and resentful is not appealing. (Note: the latter comments are not directed toward anyone in particular).


Yes, your competitor may have been intimidated. He was also evidently more powerful because he eliminated you.

You seem to think that you know his motivations beyond question. However, it IS possible that he concluded that you were not sincere, that you were bad for the congregation, that you were personally ambitious.

He may have been wrong in his evaluation of you, but my point is that it is very unlikely that you can be certain of his true motivations. It is just as wrong to assume to know the motivations of those who do not find us appealing or interesting enough to pursue a relationship.


Yes, and there are many men who are NOT intimidated by successful and educated women.

Can you define "success" as you use the term here – without reference to income or power / influence / status?

I define success in life far differently than most. A person who is consumed by their need to acquire wealth or position or status at the expense of other aspects of life is NOT successful in my opinion.



I say something similar (but do not use the term "soulmate"). However, I avoid concluding that I know why some or many women do not choose to consider a partnership with me. It could be because they think that I am "too old" or it could be because they realize that they could not keep up – or anywhere between – or because I wear a beard – or because I cut off all my hair -- or anything else.