"Courtesy Date" (Seems cruel...have you done this women?)


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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #1  June 19,2009, 10:27pm
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So a few weeks ago, I met up with a lady for coffee. We were there for a while talking about all sorts of stuff. This lady mentioned that when she was 30, she had worked with a 20 year old who was shy and had a big crush on her. She told her coworkers that if he had the courage to ask her out, she would go on one date with him.

This lady said that she felt like she did him a favor and that this gesture would boost his confidence. I said it was insincere and cruel to lead someone on by having 1 courtesy date with someone.

What are your thoughts on this? Self esteems issues or ego fishing? Or do you think this is common amongst women? Why build momentum?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  June 19,2009, 10:38pm

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I've never done that, nor have any of my friends- and i would know because when any of us have a date of any kind it's a texting frenzy.

I've never even heard of anyone doing that. *shrug
 
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Shads is offline Shads Post #3  June 19,2009, 10:43pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
So a few weeks ago, I met up with a lady for coffee. We were there for a while talking about all sorts of stuff. This lady mentioned that when she was 30, she had worked with a 20 year old who was shy and had a big crush on her. She told her coworkers that if he had the courage to ask her out, she would go on one date with him.

This lady said that she felt like she did him a favor and that this gesture would boost his confidence. I said it was insincere and cruel to lead someone on by having 1 courtesy date with someone.

What are your thoughts on this? Self esteems issues or ego fishing? Or do you think this is common amongst women? Why build momentum?
She is giving respect for trying. I think that was nice of her. Of course I live in a different environment and life style......big city you know.........
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  June 19,2009, 10:56pm
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I would consider it more of a discourtesy date. If she knows he has a big crush on her, I think she would be leading him on to go on one pity date with him.

I think I am in agreement with you, KungFuFtr...it's her own ego she would be stroking and I find the notion extremely selfish and kind of cruel.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #5  June 19,2009, 10:57pm
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Shads wrote :
She is giving respect for trying. I think that was nice of her. Of course I live in a different environment and life style......big city you know.........
What???

How is she giving respect?
 
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Shads is offline Shads Post #6  June 19,2009, 11:04pm
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MelinCali wrote :
What???

How is she giving respect?
By taking the time out of her day to please this young lad. When she can flat out refuse. AGAIN.... it's the type of environment I live in that I see these 'things'. I'm in Chicago...I'm busy myself...gotta go to the Dry Cleaners....I have a client call at 8PM... I need to eat... the traffic.....the honks and shouting of people...bad smells...ect..ect.....

I don't know where she is..... but I do believe it is nice of her to take the time to indulge the young lad......

Of course we can go all OVER the place with this one.... she might be interested or a ego hound....blah blah..blah........

Have a nice day
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  June 19,2009, 11:15pm

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yeah, i don't know about that.

accepting a date with someone indicates you are interested. so she's lying essentially.

that, and playing with his emotions, because he obviously likes her. NOT COOL.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #8  June 19,2009, 11:16pm
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Shads wrote :
By taking the time out of her day to please this young lad. When she can flat out refuse. AGAIN.... it's the type of environment I live in that I see these 'things'. I'm in Chicago...I'm busy myself...gotta go to the Dry Cleaners....I have a client call at 8PM... I need to eat... the traffic.....the honks and shouting of people...bad smells...ect..ect.....

I don't know where she is..... but I do believe it is nice of her to take the time to indulge the young lad......

Of course we can go all OVER the place with this one.... she might be interested or a ego hound....blah blah..blah........

Have a nice day
I strongly disagree...I do not see getting someone's hopes up as indulging them.

How would he feel after he thinks he has a chance and she wouldn't go out with him a second time? Not too good, I would think, and I'm betting he wouldn't feel like he's been indulged.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #9  June 19,2009, 11:17pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
NOT COOL.
Yes, these two words sum it up nicely!
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #10  June 19,2009, 11:17pm
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Hmm I think it would depend if the person involved has made up their mind in full before the date.

For instance, a lot of times a date will draw you in and build something you didn't see coming. However if you go in with the attitude "i'm killing time or this won't work etc." most of the time that will kill any chance of success.

So I wouldn't go on a date just to make someone feel "better". For me the purpose of a date is to have fun and meet someone you see potential in.

In the case of the lady...I'd say she made the comment because she figured the guy wouldn't ask. Then she kept her word to follow up. I don't think she did the guy a favor though as she had already made up her mind it would be just one date. It just raised his hopes to have them fall further.
Last edited by bravethestorm; June 19,2009 at 11:21pm.
 
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