dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #1  June 19,2009, 6:11pm
dreamspiral's Avatar

dating is as easy as rocket surgery

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 170

See profile

I met this girl online and we are just getting to the email stage. Any suggestions on those first few emails? Should I write the email as if I were with her in person? I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas. What do I say? I'm thinking I should exchange emails before asking to meet in person. I'm not sure. Any advice?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  June 19,2009, 6:19pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

If the GC was slow (more than one day between steps), it seemed the woman would usually send longish e-mails. I would keep reasonably to her style … until I got bored and gave up.

If the exchange so far was quick (more than one piece of guided communication per day), I tried to push for a meeting the next Saturday. I usually sent something brief and tried to be funny.
 
  Reply With Quote
KittyLuvrNeeded is offline KittyLuvrNeeded Post #3  June 19,2009, 6:49pm
KittyLuvrNeed…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

I like the answers that reveal more than the answers themselves....try asking fun questions and stay away from the are you sane enough to fix me dialog...lol ask and share things like "your best/worst childhood memory" "the best/worst day in your life" "your favorite pet" --- hope this helps -- it comes from a game I like to do in person
 
  Reply With Quote
DDjr is offline DDjr Post #4  June 19,2009, 7:05pm
DDjr's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 848

See profile

Relax and don't send a marriage proposal.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  June 19,2009, 7:13pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

DDjr wrote :
Relax and don't send a marriage proposal.

Agree. Offer instead a Friend with Benefits.
 
  Reply With Quote
Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #6  June 19,2009, 7:15pm
Icouldwriteab…'s Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

Denver, Colorado

Posts: 540

See profile

Keep the first few emails short, not too short, but not too long, maybe 3 or 4 sentences.
Ask her a few questions, such as expansion on an answer that was intriguing in her profile or mention something specifically that you liked about her profile (beyond her looks) that you liked.
For instance: 95% of guys who send me an email will say I have a nice smile (may be true but boring because everyone does that) :-). So instead, for example, maybe comment that you noticed she mentioned she likes to dance, and that you do too, tell her what types you like and ask her to tell you what kind of dancing she likes.
Above all, don't ask a question that is already clearly answered in her profile or ask something too general. Too general is "So, what do you do for fun?" I can't tell you how often I get that! I feel like saying sometimes, "well, if you read my profile you wouldn't have to ask that".....

Instead, I noticed you like tennis and golf, tell me about that, have you had lessons, when was the last time you played? etc.

Does this help?

However, if you are unsure what to ask in a first email, I am a little concerned about your first phone conversation.....
 
  Reply With Quote
DanielJr82 is offline DanielJr82 Post #7  June 19,2009, 7:20pm
DanielJr82's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2009

New Bedford, MA

Posts: 105

See profile

^Nice tips, thanks.
 
  Reply With Quote
dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #8  June 20,2009, 3:35am
dreamspiral's Avatar

dating is as easy as rocket surgery

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 170

See profile

Icouldwriteabook wrote :
Keep the first few emails short, not too short, but not too long, maybe 3 or 4 sentences.
Ask her a few questions, such as expansion on an answer that was intriguing in her profile or mention something specifically that you liked about her profile (beyond her looks) that you liked.
For instance: 95% of guys who send me an email will say I have a nice smile (may be true but boring because everyone does that) :-). So instead, for example, maybe comment that you noticed she mentioned she likes to dance, and that you do too, tell her what types you like and ask her to tell you what kind of dancing she likes.
Above all, don't ask a question that is already clearly answered in her profile or ask something too general. Too general is "So, what do you do for fun?" I can't tell you how often I get that! I feel like saying sometimes, "well, if you read my profile you wouldn't have to ask that".....

Instead, I noticed you like tennis and golf, tell me about that, have you had lessons, when was the last time you played? etc.

Does this help?

However, if you are unsure what to ask in a first email, I am a little concerned about your first phone conversation.....
Yes that helps a lot. Thanks.
You're very intuitive and correct in suspecting my poor communication skills. It's an unfortunate curse I have. I'm aware of it and trying to improve in that area. I thought about asking what she liked to do for fun. So, I'm glad you pointed out not to do that in that manner.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  June 20,2009, 4:16am
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

I'm not sure if you met on a dating site or a site like facebook, etc. A lot would depend on how much you know about her and the situational context of your meeting. Try to work with some personal information, if you have any. If you have met through a dating site, and read her profile, then you should be able to find something there, with which to start a conversation. Maybe you share some interests or hobbies? Maybe she stated something interesting you'd like to know about?

Be polite. Funny is always the best way to go, but not crude or explicit. Keep it mild before you get to know her better, as people do have different humor. And the way I joke with my friends is different to the way I joke with strangers. And yes, do keep it natural, as if you are talking in person. Nothing worse than forced communication that sounds like a questionnair.

Also, it's a matter of personal preference (and I'm now going to confuse you, because another poster recommended it), but "what's your favourite book/movie", "what was the best day of your life", etc. don't really work well with me. It only means that you've read my profile, and could not find a single thing to relate to, or be interested in enough to ask additional questions. In my opinion, favorites are best left to come out in the natural flow of conversation, when they can be related to the subject of discussion.

Just my opinion, of course, and I'm not every woman.

Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 20,2009, 6:35am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I always try to ask one or two questions based on things in her profile or Guided Communication answers.

Now to the underlying tone of your post. If you are having trouble coming up with things to talk about in Open Communication what will you find to talk about if you are to meet in person?
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Question for the men - dating/sex | Dating | "Courtesy Date" (Seems cruel...have you done this women?) »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Life on MATCH.COM: Is your on-line dating experience like this? billgates Ask a Dating Expert 58 December 12,2011 7:44pm
Do You Write Flirty Emails or Stick to Basic Info? Skyking6976 Using eHarmony 29 June 18,2009 12:58pm
Confused.... girly33 Dating 0 June 13,2009 7:51pm
Christians & eHarmony: When does it become "defrauding?" PreachersSon BaptistViewPoints 8 June 9,2009 3:04am
Not receiving "new match" emails dimfeld Using eHarmony 5 June 7,2009 7:36am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“ You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't tried it. If you do, please let us know how things go. . Lol!! Why don't you try it first ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“Trust your gut feelings! It seems to me his friend does not have a sense of boundaries and it seems that your boyfriend is doing nothing to discourage his constant annoying interference in your ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Lol yeah I do hope so. Thanks again! ” –  elyone

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“Jenky & PSG, you two are so great! I'm loving following your story! I admire you both for being brave enough to try this. LDRs are hard no matter how you look at it. It requires a significant ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “My Virtual Relationship or The five day first date” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:44am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0