npet is offline npet Post #1  June 18,2009, 12:02pm
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Dated a girl for 4 weeks. Really started to feel for her. Then she told me she ran into her ex-boyfriend the past week and she still had "UNfinished Business" with him. At least she was mature enough to tell me, but I really started to feel for her. Two weeks have gone by and I think about her constantly. I don't know if I should leave her alone , forget about her or call. Life is too short. Any advice???
 
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Ylog is offline Ylog Post #2  June 18,2009, 12:17pm

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Dude...this is the best advice I got in a similar situation and I am passing it on to you.

You need to move on. And the simple reason why you have to move on is because she already has.

So now that you are dealing with a girl who has moved on, what do you do to get her back from her BF?

Here are some rules.
1) Her BF is a really nice guy and you cant ever top him
2) you have turned into a horrible BF
3) you find now that girls are coming on to you more
4) you and her would have never gotten along ...I mean what were you thinking.

If you can incorporate those statements in your conversations with her you might have a shot at her.

Good luck
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  June 18,2009, 1:41pm
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Ylog wrote :
Dude...this is the best advice I got in a similar situation and I am passing it on to you.

You need to move on. And the simple reason why you have to move on is because she already has.

So now that you are dealing with a girl who has moved on, what do you do to get her back from her BF?

Here are some rules.
1) Her BF is a really nice guy and you cant ever top him
2) you have turned into a horrible BF
3) you find now that girls are coming on to you more
4) you and her would have never gotten along ...I mean what were you thinking.

If you can incorporate those statements in your conversations with her you might have a shot at her.

Good luck
Okay, this advice seems kind of contradictory, so please forgive me if I'm misunderstanding you.

If I'm reading this correctly, you suggest he move on, and then you're suggesting a form of manipulation to get her back. Never a good idea. Sorry, but most women can see right through this, and we never think anything positive as an outcome.

If you really care about her, wish her well and let her go. Move on. Meet someone new who may very well knock your socks off. But don't try to win her back. She's made her choice. Obsessing over her is only going to make you miserable, and you really don't need to put yourself through that, do you?

Best of luck to you!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  June 18,2009, 2:16pm
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It's always hard when we start to care about someone and they are still entangled or otherwise unwilling or incapable of returning our affection/feelings.

The can't-stop-thinking-about-her thing is very common. It's a loss, however slight. You've allowed yourself to grieve for two weeks. Give yourself a full 24 hours of unmitigated wallowing and then move on. You can't make someone else feel what you want them to feel.

I am sorry this happened to you, but better now than 6 months or a year into it, no?

In a perfect world, people wouldn't get involved when they have unfinished business...it really isn't fair to others. But people fail, in all kinds of ways. She may or may not come back to you once she's 'finished' whatever it is with her ex, but it would be best, IMO, if you just let her go.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; June 18,2009 at 2:28pm. Reason: To add last para...
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #5  June 18,2009, 2:57pm
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Let's see, dated for 4 weeks. Just when you started really feeling for her, she ran into her ex.

I think that's too much of a coincidence.

Here's what I guess really happened. You started getting too into to her and she didn't really feel the same way. So she gives you this excuse about her ex so she can stop seeing you.

What do you do?

It really doesn't matter if her story is true or if it's something she made up. For whatever reason, she didn't want to keep dating you. So you delete her number from your phone, delete all her emails, don't contact her again and continue (or start to ) date other women.

Also, I might suggest in the future, treat a woman great, but don't let yourself get too wrapped up in her too quickly. It scares many women away. There's a fine line between showing interest and being too needy. The hard part is that line is different for each woman. You know you've crossed her line if she keeps asking to slow things down.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  June 18,2009, 3:41pm
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I am sorry to say it but it is time to move on. Even if this girl showed up on your door step tomorrow what is to say that she might not let him back into her heart again. I would have one good drunk then forget her and start searching for someone whose ex was years behind her. Good Luck
 
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pinknblackpoet is offline pinknblackpoet Post #7  June 18,2009, 5:30pm
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Just move on and forget about her. She has other things on her mind and maybe is not that into or she still has feeling for ex. Maybe they needed to sort somethings how it depends on how it ended. As for you four weeks that a very long time.
 
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PoliticalChick01 is offline PoliticalChick01 Post #8  June 19,2009, 9:23am
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4 weeks is a short amount of time to start having deep feelings for someone and maybe she sensed that from you and scared her off.

Whether she ran into her ex or not or just used that as an excuse my advice to you is to move on and forget about her as she more than likely is playing games with you and is cowardly not a woman enough to just tell you that she is just not that into you as you are into her. Guys do the same thing with woman and use an ex excuse or some other line.

Bottom line is that she is not worth your time as you can't make someone like your or show the same reciprical feelings for you as much as it hurts. We all have been in your shoes and learn from experience as once bitten twice shy.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #9  June 19,2009, 12:04pm
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Sorry to hear that. the ex may be an excuse, but I doubt. It's not you or that she is not into you, it's that she has an ex in the picture, and is confused. Fine someone free and clear to date... without the yo-yoing ex games, it will just go on until she makes up her mind, and hurt you in the long run.
pinknblackpoet wrote :
Just move on and forget about her. She has other things on her mind and maybe is not that into or she still has feeling for ex. Maybe they needed to sort somethings how it depends on how it ended. As for you four weeks that a very long time.
 
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