carmen5503 is offline carmen5503 Post #1  June 18,2009, 8:25am
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So I met this woman online and we agreed to meet in a public place for coffee. The day could not have gone any better, It lasted for about 12 hrs. The second date ended up at her place where I spent the night. She lives about an hour away so we only see each other on the weekends (or the random day off from work). Its been five weekends that we have spent together. In those 5 we have intoduced one another to family and friends. She comes from a very brutal marriage, Broken bones and constant beatings. I'm 32 she is 34, I was raised old school. I open car/doors, I pull out her chairs at dinner, The whole bit, Thats me no bullshit, I have two things on my mind. Is she that into me because the way I treat her and where she came from and two. This being the BIG ONE, Last week while laying in bed she was just stating at me and she said that she loved me. The fact that she said it has not changed the way I feel about her. Was that to soon? When it the right time to tell someone that? Is there a time limit on that kind of thing?
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #2  June 18,2009, 10:35am
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Hmmm. The two of you slept together on Date 2. And, somewhere between Date 2 and Date 4, the friends and family introductions were made. On Date 5, she offers that she loves you, and now you're wondering about the speed of things?

It seems to me the relationship has been in warp drive since its inception, so why the anxiety over the love thing? Did you think her emotions wouldn't follow the intensity of the relationship?

Instead of answering whether it's too soon for "I love you", which BTW I doubt anyone can answer besides the folks in the relationship, the question I have is: What are your feelings toward her?

If you're not feeling what she's feeling, and I get the idea that you are not based on your post, you might want to examine the pace of the relationship, discuss the situation with her, and maybe make some adjustments, which BTW will be difficult, but not impossible, to do at this stage.
 
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CityChick is offline CityChick Post #3  June 18,2009, 11:17am
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carmen5503 wrote :
So I met this woman online and we agreed to meet in a public place for coffee. The day could not have gone any better, It lasted for about 12 hrs. The second date ended up at her place where I spent the night. She lives about an hour away so we only see each other on the weekends (or the random day off from work). Its been five weekends that we have spent together. In those 5 we have intoduced one another to family and friends. She comes from a very brutal marriage, Broken bones and constant beatings. I'm 32 she is 34, I was raised old school. I open car/doors, I pull out her chairs at dinner, The whole bit, Thats me no bullshit, I have two things on my mind. Is she that into me because the way I treat her and where she came from and two. This being the BIG ONE, Last week while laying in bed she was just stating at me and she said that she loved me. The fact that she said it has not changed the way I feel about her. Was that to soon? When it the right time to tell someone that? Is there a time limit on that kind of thing?
I'd be real careful here because the hormones are raging and great sex and attraction can be confused with love early on. I'm no prude but lately I've been trying to get to know someone before throwing sex into the mix - kind of like eh's idea of getting to know someone before even meeting.

i'm not saying she doesn't feel love or that those feelings won't last but how much can you love someone before you spend more than six weekends together. I've spent months or years in a relationship before finding out there were things that just weren't right -- but right there at the beginning we were crazy in love, i.e having great fun and sex together
 
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carmen5503 is offline carmen5503 Post #4  June 18,2009, 11:31am
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wordwoman, Thank you for your kind words but I guss I just thought it was two people having fun enjoying each others company. I could see myself falling for her, Caring for her but yeah the sex thing screwed everything up (dosn't it always) I do think about her all the time and yes I have use the term G/F but to go as far as the love thing. I guss that was my only question. hope that makes sense
 
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Ylog is offline Ylog Post #5  June 18,2009, 11:35am

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You're the man. What do You want from her. Lead her there. If you want things to slow down then tell her and slow it down. If you feel the same way about her then tell her that too. When a girl opens up and says those things to you remember that she is trusting that you know what to do with those emotions she is feeling. You are responsible for what happens. She is responsible for what does not.

The question is what do You want? Then lead her there. Easier said than done but all you gave us was the bare minimum.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  June 18,2009, 11:41am

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carmen5503 wrote :
wordwoman, Thank you for your kind words but I guss I just thought it was two people having fun enjoying each others company. I could see myself falling for her, Caring for her but yeah the sex thing screwed everything up (dosn't it always) I do think about her all the time and yes I have use the term G/F but to go as far as the love thing. I guss that was my only question. hope that makes sense
You are partially to blame here. if you guys were just dating/having fun why did you introduce her to your family? that's a step usually taken when one is already in a relationship.
 
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pchep is offline pchep Post #7  June 18,2009, 4:51pm
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I think you all are moving too fast too soon. I had a sister that was physically and emotionally beaten. These woman tend to cling on to someone who is nice to them. If she stated that she loved you, I think I would back away. You have to get to know a person before you are in love. She has not been around someone who has been so nice and caring to her, but will cling to someone who is and who would care about her as well.
Just take a step back and see where this leads. If a guy told me he love me in just five dates, I would begin questioning who this guy was. I would actually not speak to this person again.
 
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pinknblackpoet is offline pinknblackpoet Post #8  June 18,2009, 5:35pm
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I think that you are moving way too fast. I would talk about what was said and just ask what do they want. I mean all this could be because you are so nice and they are not used to that so they could be taking advantage of you. Another thing do you talk to each other in between the times that you see each other and how does that go. In the end it depends on the way that you feel and what you want. Are you prepared for where its going to go
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  June 18,2009, 8:36pm
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Some good insight and advice.

Yes you are moving too fast and have introduced sex into the mix way too soon and that really complicates everything.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #10  June 19,2009, 6:48am
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I agree with pchep. I would definitely slow things down and not be drawn into saying I love you before you really get to know her. One question I would want the answer on before going much further would be whether or not this girl has seen a therapist in regard to her abuse. If not then she will be bringing alot of potential problems into the relationship. Good luck
 
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