At what point should the woman call


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k374 is offline k374 Post #1  June 17,2009, 11:55pm
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Well, it's a known that men have to do the calling/chasing initially but after how many dates do you think it is expected that a woman should call a guy on her own failing which a man should assume non-interest and move on.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #2  June 18,2009, 3:22am
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It's hard to say what's "expected", and it's not a popular word in my vocabulary. I'm assuming you are a man, so I'll give you one woman's point of view here. Generally speaking, if after the 2nd or 3rd date I don't feel the need to contact the guy (by phone, email or whatever), it is highly unlikely that I ever will, although stranger things have happened.

But I don't usually go with what's expected in my personal life. I do what I feel like doing. So it's probably not the best indicator for you. I would, however, keep in mind that there is a lot of "self-help" junk around to tell women how to "catch" a man. I personally don't read it, but from what I've heard, every book tells women to do something different about calling/contacting men. All those books are a whole lot of rubbish in my opinion, but it does work for some people and can be quite persuasive.

My point is, I wouldn't make any decisions based solely on what's expected by other people. If you feel it's about time she started reciprocating, say something like "Give me a call when you have some time, and we'll arrange the time to see that movie/show/game/have dinner etc." If she doesn't call you then, that would be a more or less reliable indication of her lack of interest.
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 18,2009 at 3:26am.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #3  June 18,2009, 4:36am
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It is not true anymore that a man does all the chasing. I appreciate it when a woman asks me out. If there is any casing the chasing should be somewhat equal...

If a man wants to do all of the chasing, I think he has control issues.
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; June 18,2009 at 4:36am. Reason: To save my life...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 18,2009, 7:08am
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
It is not true anymore that a man does all the chasing. I appreciate it when a woman asks me out. If there is any casing the chasing should be somewhat equal...

If a man wants to do all of the chasing, I think he has control issues.
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I would say that a girl that thinks that the guy should do all the work in the relationship (chasing) is lazy, not interested and / or has control issues.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  June 18,2009, 7:10am
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It is permissible for the woman to initiate anything at any point in a relationship. This includes sending First Questions to an eHarmony match.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  June 18,2009, 7:23am
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
My point is, I wouldn't make any decisions based solely on what's expected by other people. If you feel it's about time she started reciprocating, say something like "Give me a call when you have some time, and we'll arrange the time to see that movie/show/game/have dinner etc." If she doesn't call you then, that would be a more or less reliable indication of her lack of interest.
Either one who sits back and expects to be entertained is lazy, or ego-fishing, in my opinion. I do not want to call Ms.Too-Busy-For-You, a hundred times for a date. I think calls should be returned in a timely considerate manner, rather than plying games. Also both people can take part in coming up with date ideas.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #7  June 18,2009, 8:15am

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the older we get, i think issues such as "who calls first?", "who initiates?", etc etc should be left to juveniles.

come on, we're adults. if you're serious about finding someone, does it really matter who calls first or initiates first?
 
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pickleeater is offline pickleeater Post #8  June 19,2009, 4:07am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Either one who sits back and expects to be entertained is lazy, or ego-fishing, in my opinion. I do not want to call Ms.Too-Busy-For-You, a hundred times for a date. I think calls should be returned in a timely considerate manner, rather than plying games. Also both people can take part in coming up with date ideas.
Ah I had a wonderful date on EH (the only one I had) and he was too busy. Even told me he did not know what he wanted. Guess I should be grateful for the date he made time for with me.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  June 19,2009, 8:48pm
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Well, I think it depends on what you want the dynamics of the relationship to be.

I would not call a guy at any point in the beginning of a relationship. I would return calls if needed and keep it short. The whole point of this has absolutely nothing to do with control or anything else other than it helps to do a few things, one of which is to differentiate between someone that really likes me enough to pursue that much.

This is because that is the kind of guy I want. One that is really crazy about me. Its also the same reason that if a guy isnt that crazy about me I'm not going to sweat it. He deserves someone whom he likes enough to pursue, and if it isn't me more power to him.

I think of it as a weeding out process. Nothing against the guy whatsoever. Nothing against guys who aren't willing to do that either. It all works out great in the end.
 
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